Tuesday 20 September 2016

Prayer Request

Hi,

I don't often, or ever on this blog, ask for prayer but my husband and I need particular prayer. If you could spare a few moments and intercede for us, we would be very thankful.

-Grace

Saturday 17 September 2016

Opinions

One of the things I try my hardest to avoid when teaching and writing is my opinion. I know that sounds funny but remember that I teach and write about scripture and spiritual matters.
I know from experience that if you harp on your opinions too much people get hurt. They will either begin to take it personally even if you don't mean it that way or you can wind up leading them astray or skewing their motives because they begin to see your opinion as biblical truth.
My opinion is that it is best to spend quiet time with God in the morning before anything else happens. However, on nights I can't sleep I get up and do my devotions then and sleep in the next morning. Am I far away from God because I did my devotions a lot earlier in the morning? Nope.
If in class I tell my girls all the time that they better start the day with devotions or they won't be well equipped to handle their days and walk close to God, I'll make them think that not getting up early and doing their devotions is a sin. Worse still I'll make them stressed out and worried because they can't get up early enough to spend enough time in the bible. Worse still is I have five girls going out and judging others for not doing their devotions in the morning.
Am I making sense?
We're not all the same person so God requires different things from each of us. Maybe nightly, afternoonly devotions is better and more edifying for others. All I know is that christians should spend time with God. WHEN and HOW they do it is between them and God.

I write this blog as a testament to what God is teaching me. Incidentally my favourite teaching on the bible comes from people who clearly have an ongoing, close, and growing relationship with God. Their wisdom is completely biblical and at the same time steeped in experience and organic learning. God is always teaching them something in their life and so they always have new examples of what God did for them, what He is teaching them, and the things they have recently discovered about Him.
Their wisdom comes from the Word going in and processed through their lives, experiences, and thoughts and it becomes this tangible thing that passes faith and becomes knowledge.
Knowledge that God is real and that He is guiding and teaching.

One of the thing that brings this to a halt is trying to control what you are learning.
I'm learning a particularly hard lesson right now and I feel like I'm going to burst into tears every minute. There are times when I just don't want to go on but a choice is set before me and I can either prove God by making the right choice according to the things He's brought me through thus far or I can sit down and not move because I'm tired and I can't do this.
The right choice is obviously to go on and prove God and learn and grow.
I was feeling particularly sad last week and there were things that were being said that were making me feel even worse. I was very cast down and I felt ashamed that I was sad and confused and had no where to turn. 
On Sunday mornings while we get ready for church I tune in to Bible Believers Baptist Church's (of Jacksonville, Florida) live stream- they're three hours ahead of us- and that Sunday pastor Peacock was preaching about God's love and
Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my
tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy
book?
Psalm 56:8
It was a great comfort to me to hear that my tears are in a bottle up in heaven for a memorial because God loves us and Jesus understands. Pastor Peacock was talking about how God sees how hard things are and He knows how we worry and can be afraid despite the scripture that tells us we don't need to be. 
I'm actually feeling even worse now than I did last week but I can give you many examples of the tender mercies God has showered on me this week. Just little kindnesses here and there, He made big decisions transparent, He lead me to the right places at the right time, He's given me little comforts that give me temporary relief. He is good.
He lifted me up and helped me go on. I think I was sad and heard that message to prepare me for greater sadness this week. Had I tried to control what God was teaching me, had I hardened myself against God because of the trouble, I would be sinking.

Another thing that stops biblical learning is our opinions.
There are things I've been noticing in my bible class that I do not like. It's nothing terrible, it's things I experienced when I was that age, and as an adult I don't like it.
As I was preparing my lesson for this week and I was pulling something out of scripture to teach the girls I noticed it was very similar to most of the other lessons I had taught. 
There's two ways to look at it-
1) This is by God's design and He wants it repeated through different passages and different people in the bible
2) My opinion of the things I see and don't like is colouring what I intend to teach them no matter what the passage is about
In this case, option two is what is happening. I know it because God brought it up.
It is possible to have a biblical message that has to do with the passage you're teaching from that has nothing to do with what God wants you to teach.
I'm just realizing that not only is teaching my opinions harmful but allowing them to rule what I teach is equally if not more harmful.

I was going to start with this but I may as well end with it.
I have great respect for Peter Ruckman for a variety of reasons. I don't worship him or anything, nor do I run to Him to find out what a passage of scripture means.
I heard him tell this story once and it is something I always remember:
He became the pastor of a church where some of the women were wearing really short skirts and some men had long hair. He said he just preached the Word every Sunday. Some people came up to him and asked why he didn't address the skimpy clothes and all that. I'm not sure what he answered, if at all, but he said he just kept preaching the Word every Sunday without fail, never addressing the 'problems' the legalistic brethren were bringing up.
Slowly but surely the skirts got longer and the hair got shorter.
That's not to say that short skirts and long hair on men means they're not spiritual but the change is a testament to what God was doing.

Whatever I think is going on, whatever my opinion of it, I just need to teach the Word because 
So shall my word be that goeth forth out
of my mouth: it shall not return unto me
void, but it shall accomplish that which I
please, and it shall prosper in the thing
whereto I sent it.
Isaiah 55:11
My teaching is not going to change anyone.
Is not my word like as a fire? saith the
LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the
rock in pieces?
Jeremiah 23:29
The Word will do His job. My interfering with it by inserting my opinions and letting myself be guided by what I see will only harm those I am trying to help. God knows what they need. I'll just be His instrument to teach what He wants, free from my interference. 


Tuesday 13 September 2016

God Leads Us Along

One of the things I am most grateful for is the Lord's leadership.
As easily as I can say that all those that have led me have failed me in some way or another, I can say that I have failed those I have led countless times. The Lord's leadership has never failed me, His influence has never failed me, His guidance has never failed me.
Sometimes it's really simple, as in, 'eat something and you're mind will be clearer' or 'sleep on it'. And those things do make a difference- it's not always run to the Bible because often our motive for running to the bible is to prove ourselves right.
Sometimes it's more complicated and I find myself in an uncomfortable situation for the sole purpose of revealing something in me that has to go. Whether it's my fault or someone else's, my behaviour- all our behaviours- is dictated by what is inside, what our true desires are, and what we hide in our hearts.
A little while ago my husband made a mistake and it made things very uncomfortable for us. I asked him a bit about it and his answer was 'I made a mistake'. I could risk an argument or content myself with that answer so I contented myself with that answer, wondering at how such a mistake could be made. Maybe a week later I had an opportunity to do something and- wouldn't you know- I made a mistake. It cost me a whole nights sleep (not kidding) and some other things I won't mention. When I finally got some sleep and had some time to ponder the Lord gently said, 'how could you make such a mistake?' and with my own words He condemned me. My only answer could be 'I made a mistake'; there's nothing more to it than that I could not be better informed than I was but I had still judged poorly and made a mistake.
I had to smile that the INCREDIBLY merciful way God taught me that but also I had to marvel at His way of giving me my desire.
One of my desires when it comes to my husband is that I reverence him the way the Lord wants me to. It ties into these verses:
The heart of her husband doth safely
trust in her, so that he shall have no need of
spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the
days of her life.
Proverbs 31:11-12
and
Nevertheless let everyone of you in
particular so love his wife even as himself;
and the wife see that she reverence her
husband.
Ephesians 5:33
So while my husband may not know the things that go on in my head, God does and He knows what I really truly desire and He is bringing me about to accomplish that desire even though it puts me in uncomfortable situations. 
God can and will use our mistakes for our own benefit- if we let Him.
These are those little things that show us God is real and that He cares.

I made a mistake in my own leadership recently and so my mind has been turned on to leadership. 
Though I've been hurt by leaders before, I feel more keenly now more than ever the pain a leader can bring to those that are following them.
I was recently told by someone that something had happened in their life partially because 'those who should have been there weren't'. That phrase still strikes me a month later because I am looking at someone who, though their leaders were not the culprits, was harmed by their leadership.
I've thought on my own actions along side those of certain leaders in my life and realized how sometimes my actions were dictated and taken in despair because of what that leader was (or was not) doing.
Inevitably I've really truly begun to see the gravity of leadership- especially in Spiritual matters.
The most challenging part is that the small things matter the most and make the biggest difference.

As one who is under authority I will say that the most painful thing for me is when I am trying my best, working hard, my heart is right with what I know but I happen to be erring and the leader does not say anything or treats my mistakes with contempt and ridicule. I will say that most of the time my feelings get hurt by someone else (leader or not) is when they don't deal with me directly and tell me something that I am missing. It makes me feel like they don't like me enough to tell me, they think my heart is in the wrong place, or they don't care about what I'm doing.

As one who is in authority I will say that the hardest thing for me (and probably the majority of leaders) is to see those under me doing things that hurt others and themselves and though I warn and warn and warn against it, they make no changes and have to deal with the repercussions. 

Even though our leaders hurt us and aren't always right, we are responsible for our actions.
Recently someone keeps shooting (figuratively) at me. I'm not going to lie, it really hurts. As I've pondered it, God has brought me to my own actions and my own thoughts. He's reminded me of the things I know through experience. He's shown me what those shots reveal about me.
As a man thinketh in his heart so is he and I've seen, in my criticisms of this person that I am guilty of the same things but in a different way. 
While these things are particularly painful, I see God's hand in them, strengthening me and molding me. I'm not sure this person is right in what they are doing but it's not up to me to justify or condemn them. I can only look at my reaction to it. I am trying to humble myself through it, learn from it, and maybe God will have mercy and turn it from me.

While we must be discreet in our thoughts and actions toward our leaders, the leaders must be aware that their actions and words will have an effect no matter what their motives are for the way they act.
It's obvious that mistakes happen but what will heal and build trust is the reaction toward those mistakes. Leaders with the best motives will make mistakes and I believe God is merciful and will give those leaders the chance to prove that their heart was right despite their actions.
That's not to say that the damage will not be great and take a long time to heal.
I do believe, from my experience, that if your heart is right that God will teach you in a smaller lesson than a bigger one. I think sometimes big lessons come in when you need a heart change and a behavioural change.

And back to where I began- I'm grateful for God's leadership. I'm grateful I can rely on Him to lead me exactly where I need to go and point my thoughts in the right direction. It's hard to be heavenly minded when you live in this world and are constantly bombarded by the world, the flesh, and the devil. Still, God is faithful and He will lead you to what's right.


Monday 5 September 2016

Sechelt

I feel like I say this all the time when absent from writing but it's always true- I did not intend to be away for so long. If I was not writing today it would be three weeks since my last post.
Those weeks have been very busy- our church put on a community carnival and it took a lot of work.
My brother-in-law made this promo video for it- PCBC Community Carnival- which I intended to share before the carnival but better late than never I suppose.
After the carnival I had lots of little projects to work on and then my sister and I took our boys away.

My aunt lives in a tiny town called Sechelt

She's lived there as long as I can remember- I think she moved there just after her marriage more than 25 years ago- and some of my best memories from childhood are summers spent there going to the beach every day, going on walks and hikes, and playing dress up with my cousins.
It's one of those things I am particularly thankful for knowing that not many people have a place like that to go to.
Here is my son on a very familiar beach
So my sister and I finally brought our sons up to Sechelt. Our aunt has been on us almost all year to bring them up and we finally got around to going. At least, I finally summoned up the strength to attempt the drive.
One of the things I annoy my son with is gushing over places and things I remember as a child. I wasn't so gushy on this trip since I've taken him up there a few times before but I love bringing him to places I loved as a child. It is a great blessing to me to have places and things so familiar from years gone by to bring him to and let him enjoy. I guess that's why I'm not much of a traveller and why I've never had any desire to go too far from where I was raised.
There's a section on that beach in the picture above called 'The Big Rocks'- just a bunch of big rocks together that are fun to climb and there are pools of sea creatures and barncles. I haven't been able to bring Bo to that yet. We didn't get a chance this trip and he was too little to stand the walk on previous trips. It's something I can look forward to showing him- he will love it.

Besides the beach, there is the duck pond. I tried to take a panorama of it but it turned out as you see above. The local pet store sells duck food for you to bring to the pond and throw to the ducks. There weren't as many ducks as I've seen there in the past but my son was able to feed quite a few of them. On a previous visit they were coming right up to him and eating out of his hand.
Here is a picture of a picture of little me at the duck pond long ago. My aunt had a bunch of photos she was organizing and had them all out to show us.
Yet another thing I am grateful for- that my aunts took lots of photos of us while we grew. Many things I saw in those pictures I had completely forgotten and some of them reminded us of things we used to be.
More than a year ago, a few months after I had quit Facebook, my sister-in-law requested I create an Instagram account for my son so that she could see pictures of him every day. I did create it and I post on it mostly every day. Sometimes I miss a day when nothing is happening or I don't have time to post. I get pointed comments from people about how I always seem to be taking pictures of my son. Yes I do and it's not for me. I've lived long enough to understand it doesn't matter what people think you're doing and what they think about why you're doing it. In the end, God knows the truth and it only matters what he thinks.
Looking at my aunt's old pictures made me grateful to look back and remember what was. It also renewed my gratefulness that our relatives that live far away can keep up with my son's growth and know what is going on with him.
 We also went to a provincial park called Porpoise Bay. We hunted for crabs and Bo named one 'Ouchy' and another one 'Big' who became 'Big Rocky'. My nephew loves 'wa-wa' as he calls it and my sister has a time keeping her grip on him when it comes to big bodies of water.

Other than places around Sechelt there's my aunt's house where we were staying. Her homes always have lots of character and I love them. She always has a garden going and just loves flowers.
Her pathway is made up of little rocks and the boys played in it like it was a sand box.


We had lots of raspberries and tomatoes to eat but my aunt also has arugula growing everywhere. It was so potent and spicy I found myself plucking the leaves and eating them constantly. I wish I had grown arugula in my garden.
excuse my heel
The day we left was dumping rain but it was a good, safe trip home. The boys were exhausted but it was a good exhaustion.
Stormy seas
So that was why I wasn't writing.
I had a lot on my mind these few weeks and I will hopefully be able to sit down to write about it.