Row Your Own Boat

"A legalist is someone who has one more conviction than you do."
"A conviction is something you will die for, everything else is a preference."
"You put your convictions on other people so they act like you and make you more comfortable."

Recently we had a missionary family come through our church and I noticed a little Star Wars Lego key chain on their daughter's purse.
I saw it and said (kindly), "Oh you like Star Wars?"
She said yes as she quickly grabbed it and explained her discomfort, "we don't talk about it in churches because some people are very against it."
I tried to restore her comfort as best I could by telling her I had just seen the new movie and telling her a joke- why did Kylo Ren cross the street? To get to the dark side (LOL!).
I can just imagine the reaction her family receives sometimes when people, who don't allow Star Wars, find out. Christians get those reactions all the time from other Christians who have different convictions- or rather, preferences.
This kind of thing used to make me angry- how dare they?- but now it just makes me sad. Why would you put up a wall between yourself and another christian just because they can watch Star Wars and you can't?
It's divisive.
This small interaction reminded me of a post that I wanted to write but had not get gotten the chance to. Sometimes the Lord gives me an idea for a post and then feeds me with food for it over the course of a few weeks or months to get me ready to write it.

I am writing today about how God deals with us all individually.
I've written before about how we can not put our convictions on others but this is a more in depth look, past convictions and into the things God has for each of us.

Last Sunday night my pastor said that he can only read small portions of scripture daily (I'm assuming this is his personal devotions and not his study for preaching) to get anything out of it. It's different for me- I have to read a lot of it of scripture daily to get anything out of it.
Does that make me more spiritual than my pastor?
No.
He's most definitely a lot more spiritual than I am, most likely pays better attention to it, and retains it better than I do.
From the way my pastor spoke of the amount of scripture he reads, I am convinced that he is satisfied that he's in the Lord's will concerning it.
I know for myself that I am in the Lord's will concerning how much scripture I read.
Which brings me to my point: God does not require the same thing from all of us.

That small example is what this post is about. I hope it is a help to you, especially if you're burdened by what other people do.

First thing first, you are accountable to God for what YOU do.

Wherefore we labour, that, whether

present or absent, we may be accepted of

him.

For we must all appear before the

judgment seat of Christ; that every one may

receive the things done in his body,

according to that he hath done, whether it

be good or bad.

2 Corinthians 5:9&10

You are judged for the things you do. You will not stand for someone else, you will stand for you.

We won't be able to say 'my husband made me' or 'my pastor told me to'. If we did it, we are responsible for it. That's not to say the people who misled us are excused but God will handle them at their own judgment. We are entirely responsible for our own relationship with God and the things done in our bodies.

So then every one of us shall give account

of himself to God.

Romans 14:12

Next, we all have our own course to run:

I have fought a good fight, I have finished

my course, I have kept the faith:

2 Timothy 4:7

Paul had his own course, given to him by God, perfectly fitted for Paul's strengths and weaknesses to bring out the best that Paul could glorify God with. That means the course he was on was for him to run and no one else.

Let me give you an example:

A relative of mine (by marriage) was staying with us for a few days. He went on my husband's computer and changed everything around. He explained that the way my husband had it set up was inconvenient and wrong so he 'fixed' it for him.

Nope, not good. I don't think I've ever seen my husband that irritated.

What this relative didn't seem to understand was that my husband had his computer a certain way for his own reasons and that it worked for him and his needs.

I know this relative did not mean harm- he wanted to be helpful- but he messed things up and caused my husband a lot of frustration and inconvenience.

This relative did what I think many of us Christians do to each other when it comes to our choices and preferences- he equated his own needs with the needs of my husband, he was his experience ahead of my husband's experience, and he was working on something that wasn't his to work on because it had absolutely nothing to do with him.
He did not save the computer from dying because it wasn't dying. The purpose of that computer was to serve my husband, not that relative. How could that relative know how that computer could best serve my husband?
We can't save saved people from going to Hell- they're already going to heaven. Their purpose is to serve God by running the course He set them on. We don't know how best they can serve God, that is between them and God.

That is not to say that a christian who avoids going to church, reading their bible, and praying is in the Lord's will. Many preachers have said this- if you want to know the Lord's will for your life, start by doing the things you know for sure are His will. In other words, read your bible and pray every day.
My pastor spoke of this today- we can dress 'right', serve in the church, avoid the appearance of evil but if our hearts are not right with God, it doesn't make any eternal difference. You'll just burn out and give up.

This people draweth nigh unto me with their

mouth, and honoureth me with their lips;

but their heart is far from me.

But in vain they do worship me, teaching

for doctrines the commandments of men.

Matthew 15:8&9

I point this out because we cannot make anyone serve God. We can get them to look like they're serving the Lord but it won't make a spec of difference in their lives. It's different for children, by the way, I'm talking about grown christians.

Look to yourselves, that we lose not those

things which we have wrought, but that we

receive a full reward.

2 John 8

Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12 talk about spiritual gifts and- big surprise- they're all different.
This is why the bible says look to yourselves. We're all different- different strengths, different weaknesses, different experiences, different personalities, different gifts. All these differences mean we have different functions in the body of Christ. This has been said so many times but it bears repeating: the arm cannot accuse the nose of being unhelpful. If the arm is judging the nose by how useful the arm is at what it's doing, the nose will never even come close to being useful. They're different so they are treated, judged, and rewarded differently.
Rewards are personal to you. You get a reward for doing what God has told you to do.

She hath done what she could:

Mark 14:8

That is Jesus on Mary anointing His feet before the crucifixion. It's very simple- she did what she could. She could not have done more than she did, she did not do less than what she could, she did it exactly right.

Her reward-

Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this

gospel shall be preached throughout the

whole world, this also that she hath done

shall be spoken of for a memorial of her.

Mark 14:9

I have to mention that Mary broke the box and poured it all out on Jesus. A preacher said this- we Christians open the box and just pour a little bit out. The best, most pricy thing Mary had, she poured out completely to the Lord. She gets named in the Bible for all eternity and people in heaven, a hundred million billion years (I know that technically it's eternity and there are no years but I'm just trying to make a point) from now will know what she did and will be reminded of it when they see the scars in Jesus' hands. There aren't many people who can boast of that.
Had Mary been fearful of those disciples surrounding Jesus, she would not have gotten the reward that was readily available for her. We all have our own rewards; it has nothing to do with other people.
Back to Paul writing to Timothy:

I have fought a good fight, I have finished

my course, I have kept the faith:

Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown

of righteousness, which the Lord, the

righteous judge, shall give me at that day:

and not to me only, but unto all them also

that love his appearing.

2 Timothy 4:7&8

The crown of righteousness is something more than one person will get and Paul is getting his because he fought the good fight, finished his course, and kept the faith.

This shows us that if we fight the good fight, finish our courses, and keep the faith, we will receive a crown of righteousness.

Life is hard and it's partially hard because God wants us to lay up crowns. My pastor's dad preached this on Wednesday- the Hall of Faith is filled with accounts of people who had their security and stability taken from them but it increased their faith and they obtained a better resurrection because of it.

God leads us to these things like He led the children of Israel to the Red Sea and He led David through the valley of the shadow of death. He leads us to it and through it and when we get to Glory, we will receive a crown for it.

We don't get a crown for 'fixing' everyone else's problems for them and shoving our preferences down their throats. Our battles are all different, our trials all vary, some of us have more faith than others- it's a learning process for all of us.

To sum up the things written above:
1) We are accountable to God for the things we do
2) We all have our own course to run, fitted for each of us personally by God
3) We have our own rewards to obtain by doing those things God has given for us to do

Now to this passage which I think has some of the greatest verses on how christians should interact with each other-
Galatians 6
1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault,
ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in
the spirit of meekness; considering thyself,
lest thou also be tempted.
Here is one verse detailing how to handle open sin. Notice you have to be spiritual and meek to do this.
Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. (1 Corinthians 10:12)
2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so
fulfil the law of Christ.
Christ bore our burden's to Calvary- He bore our sin. If someone else is headed down a bad path, bear that burden, sorrow for them, pray for them, intercede for them. 
Another way to apply this verse it taking someone else's burdens on you. My sister's one year old son has been very clingy recently and my pastor's wife often tries to give my sister a break by taking him so my sister can just sit and listen to preaching. (Obviously my nephew is not a burden but babies are tiring when you have them 24/7.) Thats a small but good example of bearing someone else's burden- lift their load a bit and help them rest.
3 For if a man think himself to be something,
when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.
As soon as you think you've got a doctorate in Pride, you're back to the drawing board. Don't think you're better than  others for making wiser decisions. If you know better to make better decisions and you think that makes you better than others, you are deceived. The grace of God gave you that wisdom. Be thankful and humble.
4 But let every man prove his own work, and
then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone,
and not in another.
One of my favourite verses because it gives me such great peace. Let me prove my own work. I don't have to look at what my husband is doing for the Lord, or my son, or anyone else.
I know I am where God wants me and He has given me specific things to do while I'm here. I'm too busy focusing on the things He's given me to be worried about anyone else. 
If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: but if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it. (Proverbs 9:12)
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (Proverbs 31:31)
We have our own work to prove.
One of the works God has given me is my bible class- I invest in those students. As I've gotten to know them I love them more and more because I see their personalities and I enjoy them. Investing in those students, means I do my best to teach them what God will have me to teach, I pray over them like they're my own, and I take active interest in them. If one of them (God forbid!) departs from God when they are older, my prayer is that I've proved my work and even though they left, I can rejoice that I did what I could for that child.
Departing from God is wrong- there's no question- but it's not for me to force them to do what's right. If the Holy Spirit can't convince them, I will not be able to.
5 For every man shall bear his own burden.
Verse two is a command- he tells us to bear each other's burdens- we can (unwisely) ignore it if we want to. This one is a statement. 
A young pastor who's wife was murdered was asked if he had forgiven the murderers. He said that he's chosen the path of forgiveness because unforgiveness and bitterness only effects you. Choosing not to forgive them would be a burden only he would bear, they would not bear it at all.
That's what this is.
If you choose to let the fact that a missionary allows his daughter to watch Star Wars, that will be your burden to bear, your relationship with God is effected, and you will bear the division in the body of Christ. She'll go on her merry way because it doesn't matter what YOU think she can or cannot watch. You are not the Holy Spirit.

So what do we actually do about all this? It's hard not to put our preferences on others, even if we don't say any of it out loud.
This is mostly a battle in your mind. It won't come out unless you let it out. This is a battle that is won or lost in your heart and mind.
Let me be clear on a few things, this post is about behavioural things only that are not open, flagrant, dangerous sins like preaching heresy, drug/ alcohol addiction, fornication, or adultery. This is about things like reading a different bible version, or what you watch on TV, or what you wear, and so on.
There are several things that have helped me in this that will hopefully help you.
The first is esteeming others better than myself.
The bible says

Let nothing be done through strife or

vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each

esteem other better than themselves.

Look not every man on his own things, but

every man also on the things of others.

Philippians 2:3&4

Please look up the context of this passage in Philippians and you'll see that the Holy Spirit is referring to Jesus taking on 'the form of a servant'. Note also that 'esteem' in verse three means you actually think others are better than you. It's not the pretence of acting outwardly like they are better than you all the while in your mind knowing you are way better then they are. You actually THINK they are better than you and you act accordingly.

All that into consideration: our main verse, verse four, is saying we need to look on the things of others as a servant. That means looking out for their needs before ours, helping them, serving them, protecting their interests, putting them first. This is what Jesus did to the point He conquered sin and death and is salvation to everyone who believes.

This verse is not telling us to be up in each other's business, telling them what their convictions should be, how they should serve the Lord, how many people they should win to Christ, and how they should run their lives in order to be as spiritual as you. (Maybe we don't tell them the things we think they should do to their face but we think about it constantly.) If we esteem others better than ourselves, we will be a much better blessing and testimony to them.
For example:
There is a TV show my husband and I used to watch but we got heavily convicted that we should not watch it.
We stopped watching it.
Then someone we know from church told us that they watch it and find it really funny.
Now, before I learned the things I'm writing about in this post, my reaction would have been very judgmental, condemning, and I'd look at them differently- I may even look down on them a bit.
Now I just see that and say 'okay'. If I esteem them better then they are better than I am- that show doesn't generate evil thoughts in them and it doesn't make them fleshly. If they can watch that show without conviction, they're obviously better than my husband and I are!
However, if they shouldn't be watching it, God will deal with them the right way and my husband and I won't have to have anything to do with it. There is no division in the body of Christ and everyone's testimony with each other is intact.

This is not to say that people don't make mistakes. Sometimes we see them walking straight into a giant mess. Unfortunately, unsolicited advice is never heeded. Even if it's the best advice ever, if they don't want it, they won't hear it, they won't heed it. Bear their burdens by praying for them and offering up supplications on their behalf. Also, they have to learn their own lessons and most of us learn the hard way.

Next, comparisons are a no-no:

For we dare not make ourselves of the

number, or compare ourselves with some 

that commend themselves: but they

measuring themselves by themselves, and

comparing themselves among themselves, 

are not wise.

2 Corinthians 10:12

I can't say it better than that.

Using yourself as a measuring stick and comparing yourself with those around you is not wise.

So don't. Whatever it is, be it spiritual matters, personal tastes, parenting, just don't make yourself the standard and don't compare others to your standard.

It's like buying an outfit because it looks good on someone else. It won't look exactly the same on you- you might hate it.

Lastly, look at people the way Jesus looks at them.

But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I

will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am

not come to call the righteous, but sinners to

repentance.

Matthew 9:13

But when he saw the multitudes, he was

moved with compassion on them, because

they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as

sheep having no shepherd.

Matthew 9:36

Jesus knows everything about us and He still died for us. He knew we'd still live for ourselves after we were saved but He still died for us. He knew we'd mess up and hurt our testimony in the world but He still died for us.

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,

forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake

hath forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

We forgive each other, because God has forgiven us.

For if ye love them which love you, what thank have

ye? for sinners also love those that love them.

And if ye do good to them which do good to you,

what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.

And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive,

what thank have y? for sinners also lend to sinners, to

receive as much again.

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend,

hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be

great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for

he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.

Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is

merciful.

Luke 6:32-36

We love others, do good, lend, be merciful to those who would not do those things to us because that's what glorifies God.

I've made many embarrassing mistakes. Some of those mistakes I can look back and say, 'I wish someone had warned me, I wish someone had told me'. Now, some things I know I would not have listened, but other mistakes I made because I didn't know. Because of this, whenever someone is doing something similar, I have more pity, I pray harder for them, and I remember, 'they just don't know better'.

One of the things that frustrates me is when people treat others meanly because of a mistake made by someone who didn't know better. I want God to have mercy on me, to be lenient on those mistakes I made in ignorance. We need to extend that mercy we want from God to others. 

Jesus is our standard- we will all be conformed to His image- Ephesians 4:13, Romans 8:29
If we keep our eyes on Him, if we measure ourselves by Him, we will be well aware of who we are, what we are, and what we deserve. We will serve others better if we have the right view of ourselves, and Christ's view of them.

I hope this was a blessing and a help to you!