To My Son About His Father

I haven't been feeling well today- I went for a drive while hungry which makes me nauseated. I then got a headache at home and now my throat is hurting along with the back of my head.
I've been wanting to write, about Father's Day in particular, but I didn't know what to write about.
A few minutes ago I was reading my son some bedtime stories and as I put him to bed it occurred to me that I should write about his father.
This post is inspired by a woman who wrote a letter like this to her son.

Boaz, Let Me Tell You About Your Dad,

I remember the night we picked out your name. We were lying in bed and joking around about names like Jehoshaphat, Nebuchadnezzar and things like that. In the spirit of the moment I laughingly suggested Boaz and we both paused. In my mind it sounded funny but out loud it sounded... dope.
Your dad said, 'I kind of like that,'
I said, 'me too,'
and he said, 'what about a middle name?'
We picked a middle name out and your whole name was perfect. That was it.
You didn't even exist yet. I wouldn't be pregnant with you for at least another year.
When I finally was pregnant, we knew we wouldn't find out the gender, but we called you 'little Boaz' anyway.
When you were finally born and we got a good look at you there was no question that you have your father's face and that perfect middle name changed to your father's first name, Michael.
I love your name, not just because it sounds cool but because of what it means: By strength, and then Michael: who is like God?

The first thing you should know is that your father prays. He prays all the time. Prayer is a very personal thing to him. He never prayed out loud until he and I got married. My prayer life changed when I met him. He was the one who taught me to pray way down to the nitty gritty. In every situation we've been in, his reaction has always been to pray first. Mine is usually to freak out then read a Psalm to calm down. Your father always prays. It's not something you see, but it's there.

One of the things I love about your father is he is grounded. He knows who he is and what he believes.
He cannot be manipulated but he is readily able to learn from his mistakes and grow into the man he needs to be for you. His mind is strong in what's right and that's what dictates the choices he makes.
He is not fooled by false doctrine and he is not fooled by false teachers. He stands steadily on what the bible says.
He is not swayed by peer pressure. He knows what he likes, what he wants, and how he wants it.

He likes the simple things. Right now he is playing a video game while I sit here typing. The TV he is playing on was a birthday gift to me from some family members. He always says it's, 'the greatest TV ever'. It makes me laugh because it's not the biggest TV, it's not super technical HD or anything, but it's the nicest TV we'll probably ever have and your father is grateful for it.
He never needs a lot- he likes his steak with just salt and pepper on it. He likes his burger meat with just salt and pepper in it. He never has to have brand name things because he just doesn't care. The only time he ever talks about new clothes is when his current ones are worn down. Nothing needs to be fancy as long as it works right. That goes for everything. Recently someone was talking to him about aspiring to be rich, he responded that he doesn't want to be rich, he just wants to be able to provide for his family.

For as long as I've known him he's always just been thankful- thankful for whatever he's had in whatever situation. He always appreciates things and he always expresses it. I know I am blessed here because I'm sure there are women out there who's husbands don't tell them they love them throughout the day or compliment them on things or even notice how hard they work.
You won't know this until you're older but he is always telling you the things he loves about you, 'you're a cute little boy, Bo' he says. You bring a lot of delight to him and he likes to bring delight to you.

He is self sacrificing. He does what it takes to get the job done. He works hard. Not many people realize the pain he is in sometimes. His job now- and the one before- have taken their toll on him. Still, he works hard, he does things right, he is diligent.

Your father is logical to a fault. While most of us look at things from a mixture of logic and emotion, he looks at everything with plain logic. He takes everything said to their logical conclusion and throws it out if its unreasonable. It can be frustrating sometimes but then you finally realize that this way of handling things takes you right to the heart of every matter. You are able to weigh your thoughts and actions objectively. You're able to see through yourself right to your motivation. This kills %99 of the 'fluff' that's in you. This is likely why your father is so grounded: he doesn't mess with things that aren't logical or biblically founded.

All that being said, don't get into an argument with him. Just don't. Don't even think about it. You'll lose and lose miserably.

He is a gentle giant. One thing he does not know is how intimidating he is. He is very tall and has serious eyes but he does not realize how this comes across to those of us who are shorter.
He has never used his size aggressively. He is gentle. Very gentle. More gentle than I am.
He doesn't hurt people. At least not on purpose. His honestly and straightforwardness can sting sometimes but it does not come from maliciousness. When he is straightforward with you, it means he trusts that you will take it right. He doesn't take the sword out on just anyone. He does not talk about something with someone if he can't be transparent with them about it.

He is forgiving. I don't think he's capable of holding a grudge. Someone said something downright rude to him not long ago. He told me about it and it made me angry. Your father simply said, 'I'm dropping it' and that was all. It took me longer to let it go and I wasn't even there to witness it.
He doesn't bring up the past. He doesn't say 'you always...' unless it's a serious problem. He lets things go and moves forward.

He loves to drive. I think all men do and your father is no exception. He likes going on little road trips and often takes the 'scenic route'. He likes the word 'bucolic' and I think he sets out to find bucolic drives. We have an epic family road trip planned, Lord willing, for when you get older.

He loves juice, cereal, sourdough, coffee, barbecuing, pizza, nectarines, blueberries, spartan and macintosh apples (but he's picky about them, mind you), and ice cream. He loves reading and will read all day if you let him. He is very silly. He is a good writer- something not many people know about him. He wants to keep bees. He love love loves golfing. He's peaceful, he doesn't like things disrupting the peace of our home.

He often talks about things that will make him a good father. He wants to instruct you in the ways that are right. He wants you to be saved and in the will of God. It means the most to him to encourage you in your relationship with God; he doesn't want to hinder it by hypocrisy.

There you are, Bo, just some things about your dad. There is a lot more to him then this but these are the things that stick out to me after close to six years of marriage.
God blessed you with a good daddy, Bo.

Thoughts

A few posts ago I shared advice given by ladies from my church at our ladies night.
When all was said and done and I was able to look back on what my advice was, I thought I should have rather given what I am about to write in this post.
I didn't regret the advice I gave, I just thought I could have given something more helpful. Also I get really excited when I talk in front of people and I don't think I ever make much sense.
Anyways, someone who was there came up to me on Sunday and told me that what I said helped them. So clearly the Lord had me say that for a reason.

Right now though, if they were to ask me again I would give this advice: control your thoughts.

When I was first married I had no idea that a thought life existed and that it needed to be lassoed, roped up and brought to utter submission.

I didn't realize how strongly thoughts effected you and what they resulted in outside. Once I was married I was forced to edit (or parent) myself from my outward actions down to my smallest inward thought.
My work situation at the time gave me plenty of leave to think about things. I allowed myself to think covetously about clothes, I ranted against my husband, thought whatever I wanted of others, and tried to make myself out to be better than I was.
Needless to say, all these things manifested themselves on the outside:

For as he thinketh in his heart so is he:

Proverbs 23:7a
And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without
understanding?
Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth
in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out
into the draught?
But those things which proceed out of the mouth
come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders,
adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness,
blasphemies:
These are the things which defile a man: but to eat
with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
Matthew 15:16-20
But all things that are reproved are made manifest
by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is
light.
Ephesians 5:13

Everything inside will eventually come out. It just takes time.

As one preacher said, things we consider great sins do not happen suddenly and are not out of character. Whatever it is that was done was the manifestation of what the person thought about and harboured in their heart. In other words, if a man cheats on his wife after 10 years of marriage, he was adulterous in his heart years before the actual physical act took place.

If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:

Psalm 66:18

The things we keep in our heart effects our relationship with God first. It has been said so many times that if we put God first in our lives and maintain a good relationship with Him, the rest of our relationships will fall into place and thrive.

This post is about my thought life in my marriage but don't mistake that my wicked thoughts were a result of a sin problem that was preventing a good relationship with God. All the changes I was able to make were a result of a consistent relationship with God and His mercy in pointing things out to me. If you stay in the Word God will show you things when you're out and about. At the exact right time He will reveal something to you that changes your world and the way you do things. I hope this post conveys that.

Thinking covetously about clothes was the fist thing to go because it was making me miserable. I could easily see the effects my thoughts were having on me and I cut it out immediately. God hates covetousness, by the way, see my post on it here.

Ranting against my husband in my mind took a long time. The problem with ranting in your mind is that you begin to imagine things, you blow things out of proportion, you gain confidence where you shouldn't, your pride builds up, and you lose all logic. Even if you are right to be angry about something, ranting in your mind about it will lose you the argument- you've lost all reason.

Since I often fought with my husband in my head, I often fought with him at home. It was bad for a while but then a few things happened to help actually consider what I was doing:

I stopped listening to debates- they were making me aggressive and belligerent.

I stopped taking birth control pills- I need to pause at this one because it really made a big difference in our marriage. When my husband and I spoke of this before we were married he advised me to avoid birth control pills. For me it was the simplest thing so I went on them. Now, there was a sin problem that needed to be taken care of and I can't blame the birth control. I will point out that as soon as I stopped taking them- about six months into my marriage- we fought less. It's a known fact that birth control plays with your hormones and I recall being bloated all the time and generally very uncomfortable.

After those things I read this verse:

An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips

there is a burning fire.

Proverbs 16:27

I knew that was me as soon as I read it. If anything I want to be godly so right then and there I repented of digging up evil and put away the burning fire in my lips. 

I had a lot of damage to repair. I had been argumentative and volatile for months and it was how my husband expected me to react. I stopped letting small things get to me, I picked my battles wisely and instead of letting things fester, I'd calmly talk to my husband about it right away.

We stopped arguing but the healing process took a long time. I had a lot of hard of hard ground to break up and deep rooted weeds to pull out because of the bad seeds I had sown.

At a ladies retreat just over two years ago our speaker said this: ranting in your mind gives place to the devil.

The devil is trying to destroy your testimony and one of the ways he can do it is by destroying your marriage. Don't give him place.

The other thing about this is when you are right, react the right way. Being right about something or being the one who was wronged does not justify the way you react. Our example is Christ:

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ

also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye

should follow his steps:

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his

mouth:

Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when

he suffered he threatened not; but committed himself

to him that judgeth righteously:

1 Peter 2:21-23

Let God handle it. He'll give you more justice than you can give yourself.

The other way my thoughts were effecting my marriage was how I thought about myself. I was vain in a lot of ways when I had no reason to be. 

One big thing was that I had to be the most beautiful woman and no one else could even be pretty.

We'd be watching TV, I'd feel threatened by someone else's beauty and I'd casually ask, 'do you think she's pretty?'. Well, there was no right answer to that question because if he said 'no' I wouldn't believe him and if he said 'yes' I'd just get mad at him. These situations resulted in a lot of those fights where you have no idea what you're fighting about, how it even started, but you will win at whatever cost.

I was walking home from work one day and it FINALLY occurred to me that I am not the prettiest, I'll never be, and I should accept it and be happy for people who are.

I repented of my vanity right away. What I did not expect was that I began to be a much happier and more grateful person.

This is really interesting because if you are thankful for what you are, what you have, and how God has blessed you- even when you are mediocre looking, you have little, and God has blessed you with hundreds of dollars rather than millions- you can be really happy and impervious to covetousness, pride, and the need to justify yourself.

A preacher said it like this, 'Don't be envious of people because you have no idea what it cost them to get what they have. Take David for example. God used him for great things but David's sin is written in the bible and will be left there for eternity. Are you willing to have your sin written in God's perfect Word for all to read for eternity?'

No. Not me.

As I learned these things I began to produce the following:

-I started just being happy for other people when they were better than me. This just sets you free. You don't feel anymore pressure to dress the best, look the best, be the smartest, or whatever is important to you. You get to just be and do what you can. It's so freeing.

-I stopped comparing myself to others because there is no comparison between people. God deals with us all differently, we all deal with different things, and simply saying, 'I would do it this way' just comes from what you know and what you've experienced- the other person has different knowledge and experience.

-I began to have more mercy on people. I made cream scones for sunday school one day and a child bit into one, spat it out, loudly complained that it was horrible, and threw the rest of it in the garbage. Before that would've offended me. Now I just look at that and feel sorry that that child doesn't have the manners not to react like that. It's the same way I look at scantily dressed teens in my neighbourhood, people who fall for false religions, and others who are on wayward paths. I feel sorry that they just don't know better and thankful that by God's grace (and ONLY by His grace) I do know better.

The last thing I needed to be rid of- at least get a handle on- was thinking too much about what my husband needed to change. It's so easy to listen to a sermon and think 'I hope he's listening. This is something he needs to hear' or read scripture and apply it to my husband (or anyone else for that matter).
The fact is, you can't change anyone. As Dr. Peacock says, 'if the Holy Spirit can't change them, what makes you think you can?'
My husband once told me that I am the best testimony to him when I quietly go about my business and serve the Lord. I have no idea when I was ever like that and I've seriously tried to attain to it since he told me that.
Something to remember is that unsolicited advice is never heeded. People- including your husband- are not going to listen to you in an area they do not want to be told what to do in.
As many preachers have pointed out: you won't be answering for them at the judgement seat. You'll be answering for yourself. Focus on your own shortcomings.
Now, this doesn't mean I don't tell my husband when I think he's doing something wrong. One time he decided to do something and I was very bothered by it. It did not effect me in any way but I felt very strongly that his conduct was wrong. That night I spoke to him very calmly and logically about it. He told me that I was right and he apologized.
There are things in both my husband and myself that need to change. There are many things we both fall short on. My reaction to my husband's shortcomings cannot be to correct them. My reaction has to be prayer.
God has worked a lot on me through the things I thought my husband needed to change. I don't know what's best. I don't know my husband's heart the way God does. I don't know anything I need to know about my husband. God does know and all I can do, as a good wife, is encourage my husband to do right and pray for him.
Once I stopped looking for ways my husband could improve I started appreciating him a whole lot more. I noticed good things about him I never did before. I started being more of an encouragement to him too because I was generally more positive toward him.

I hope I conveyed what a difference your thoughts make in your marriage. I can't say that I've completely stopped some of the things I've written about above. It's hard work but you've got to be picky about what you let in your mind.
This will be one of the joys of being in heaven: you won't have to worry about what you think anymore. It will just be right. You will open your mouth to say something and what you say will be right. You won't have to wonder what to do next and whether you're making the right decision or not. You'll know what's right and you'll do what's right.
On this side of heaven, however, all we can do is stay close to God by (trying) to keep our minds clean.

For I know the things that come into your mind, every one of them.

Ezekiel 11:5d

Good Preaching for the Family

I don't have much time to write today so I thought I'd let others do some work for me.
The following links are to sermons that have helped me as a wife and mother. I hope they are as much a help to you as they have been to me.


This first sermon is one I would share with every wife I know. The Power of a Submissive Wife by Reg Kelly. Submission is not at all easy. It becomes easier when you understand it better and realize that submission protects you. I hope you listen to it again and again and follow the wisdom God is showing you through it.


This next sermon, also by Reg Kelly, is on biblical child training. It is a great sermon and he makes many good points to draw from.


Lastly, this link is to a series of sermons called 'Happy Ever After (The Home)' by Dilbert Terry. He addresses everything that has to do with the home in this series. He's one of the best preachers ever because he speaks the whole Word (he reads through the Bible at least 4 times a year and he knows it so well) and he does not shy away from saying anything. He is not vulgar or anything he just deals very plainly with scripture.
Happy Ever After- Dilbert Terry

I hope these sermons are a blessing to you!

Grateful

Gratitude is becoming an endangered species. It is one of the things consumerism has done to the world. We have and are not grateful because we can buy it of our own hand and get more if needed.
There are two big things I want. One of things thing money can buy, the other one can only be given.
The thing money can buy is a house. A nice house, not too big, with a good size yard- for a garden and for my son, in a nice area so I can go for runs every morning or evening. This desire has been on my mind lately because we almost had the opportunity to move but it was taken away from us.
Today in my bible reading I came across this story:

1 Samuel 8

Starting in verse 4- Then all the elders of Israel gathered

themselves together, and came to Samuel

unto Ramah,

And said unto him, Behold, thou art old,

and thy sons walk not in thy ways: now

make us a king to judge us like all the

nations.

But the thing displeased Samuel, when

they said, Give us a king to judge us. And

Samuel prayed unto the LORD.

And the LORD said unto Samuel, hearken

unto the voice of the people in all that they

 say unto thee: for they have not rejected

thee, but they have rejected me, that I

should not reign over them.

skipping to verse 9- Now therefore hearken unto

their voice: howbeit yet protest solemnly unto them,

and shew them the manner of the king that

shall reign over them.

And Samuel told all the words of the

LORD unto the people that asked of him a

king.

And he said, This will be the manner of

the king that shall reign over you: He will

take your sons, and appoint them for

himself, for his chariots, and to be his

horsemen; and some shall run before

his chariots.

ANd he will appoint him captains over

thousands, and captains over fifties; and

will set them to ear his ground, and to reap

his harvest, and to make his instruments of

war, and instruments of his chariots.

And he will take your daughters to be

confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be

bakers,

and he will take your fields, and your

vineyards, and your oliveyards, even

the best of them, and give them to his

servants.

And he will take the tenth of your seed,

and of your vineyards, and give to his

officers, and to his servants.

And he will take your menservants, and

your maidservants, and your goodliest

young men, and your asses, and put them 

to his work.

He will take the tenth of your sheep; and

ye shall be his servants.

And ye shall cry out in that day because

of your king which ye shall have chosen

you; and the LORD will not hear you in that

day.

This account struck me as I read it.

I wonder if this is like my husband and myself. We have a nice apartment- the ceilings are high, two bathrooms, a nice big kitchen, a big balcony that gets lots of sun, all for $1000 a month. The only thing is we live in a not so nice neighborhood and other tenants are really loud at night. Even so, we have a decent situation right now, by stretching our hands out to get a house by any (reasonable) means, are we rejecting God's will?

After everything Samuel tells the Israelites about the King that would be appointed, what do they say-

Nevertheless the people refused to obey

the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay;

but we will have a king over us;

That we also may be like all the nations;

and that our king may judge us, and go out

before us, and fight our battles.

And Samuel heard all the words of the

people, and he rehearsed them in the ears

of the LORD.

And the LORD said to Samuel, Hearken

unto their voice, and make them a king.

And Samuel said unto the men of Israel, Go

ye everyman unto his city.

1 Samuel 19-22

To the children of Israel, having a king was worth everything he'd take from them.

I wonder if that is like us sometimes. We want something so terribly we'd do anything to get it, no matter how much trouble it causes us.

I look at our life in our little apartment: I have many comforts others don't and I still want more. The troubles I have with apartment living would be magnified in a house but I still feel I'd gladly take the troubles and the house if we could manage it.
I'm not willing to speculate 'what if' the children of Israel had continued on under God's style of governance. I do know, that the trouble they ran into under Saul would not have happened.
So for now I must be patient and grateful.
Grateful for my big kitchen, two washrooms, and my sweet little balcony garden. Grateful I don't have an entire house to clean, I don't have to worry about my son falling down the stairs, and I don't have to worry about making sure three different doors and all the windows are closed when we go out. I am grateful we only pay rent, not repairs, maintenance, and pest control. I am grateful it's easy for my son to make friends in the playground because there are lots of children in the complex we see often.
I'm not a 'think positively' kind of person but thinking practically has helped me with this.

The other thing I want is another baby. I'd love a little girl but I'll take what I can get.
It's something I've sought the Lord over, wept uncontrollably about, fasted and prayed about, done a whole bunch of things that 'help' with these matters but I have not carried a baby to term.
I can think about it calmly now because through all my prayers and studies God has reassured me concerning this matter.
I was out with my son and husband the other day and as I watched them I realized something: how blessed we are to have each other. Right now I can focus on my precious son. Michael and I can love on him like nothing else. We can enjoy him thoroughly because our attention is not divided from him.
This is a time to be grateful for. This is a time of (relative) calmness that we can enjoy.
When, and if, the Lord grants us another baby, our lives will change even more and the steadiness we know now will vanish in a second.
When, and if, the Lord grants us another baby, it will be in His own time when He knows it is right.

There is no wisdom nor understanding

nor counsel against the Lord.

Proverbs 21:30

We have no idea of the troubles God is keeping us from by not giving us the things we think we want/need. By allowing Him to take the reins and be in control, you are saving yourself from a lot of unnecessary problems. It is not always easy to let these things go but but God is so good. While He guides us and teaches us He gives us the tools to grow, and patience to learn.  While I can easily write about things now, it was a process to get me to the place where I could face them with equanimity. God will help you if you surrender to His will. You will be blessed all the more for it.

All the way my saviour leads me,

What have I to ask beside?

Can I doubt His tender mercy,

Who through life has been my Guide?

Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort,

Here by faith in Him to dwell!

For I know, whate'er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well;

For I know, whate'er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well.

All the Way My Saviour Leads Me- Frances Crosby

Let Us Reason with Four Year Olds

The other day while at the playground I was pushing my son on the swing.
On the swing next to us was a little boy, probably four years old, being pushed by his grandmother. I guess they had been using the swing for a while because the grandmother started to say, 'it's time to get off the swing' every few moments.
Each time, her grandson would decisively shake his head and say 'no!'
Well, this went on for a while and eventually the grandmother started to say things like, 'we've been on here a long time. Other kids want to swing. We need to share,'
Still, the child would not yield.
Then she started to say, 'sharing is caring,'
Yeah, that didn't work either.
She kept saying, 'sharing is caring' but finally she stopped pushing him and knelt down in front of him.
I did not catch everything she said. I did catch a lot of it, though, and what she was doing was negotiating with the boy.
The boy couldn't care less that he was being selfish and disobedient. He had no desire to 'share'- it wouldn't do him any good to see another child on the swing.
His grandmother knelt there talking to him about the need to share for a good five minutes. Finally she resorted to bribery-
'We can play here all day if you want to. If you get off now, you can play on it later on,' and so on.
I'm not sure what she said to make him get off but he finally did, and happily.

Frankly, that was a terrible display of authority.

First off, the boy clearly has no fear in him.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom:

Psalm 111:10a, Proverbs 9:10a

There is such thing as healthy fear. The fear of God is the best fear anyone can have.
No, it's not God's fear, it is knowing exactly who God is, what He is capable of, and realizing that He will render to every man according to his work.
In other words- you transgress, you will be punished.
I expect my two year old to obey me. I know he won't always obey right away and with the right heart. I know he will do stupid things that are difficult for me to change because he isn't speaking much yet. However, my expectation that he must obey me is not unreasonable and not impossible.
From a young age we have taught our son that disobedience brings discipline.
One of the biggest things, to my husband and I, is that our son comes to us when we call him.
For a long time we would call his name and tell him to come but he would just stand there or continue with what he was doing.
One day, after the first time I called him, he did not listen so I immediately stood up and went to get him myself.
I disciplined him in love and, even though he's not perfect at it, more often then not he comes when we call him.
Think it's ridiculous for me to discipline a two year old for not obeying?
What if, one day, he's running straight toward a busy street, or a wall he can fall off of and I'm too far away to physically stop him? Being able to call his name and tell him to stop knowing he'll obey is a huge relief and blessing in that situation.
Training him early, during ordinary days, when it's not a matter of life and death will make a huge difference when it is.
The earlier you teach them that sin has repercussions, the easier, safer, happier it is later on.

Happy is the man that feareth alway;

Proverbs 28:14a

We do not think of fear bringing happiness, but the fear of the Lord can and will.

I am so happy when my son obeys me, and my happiness effects him and he becomes happy.

 A happy child knows what to do and that they are doing right. Training a child to fear authority gives them security and confidence.

By mercy and truth iniquity is purged:

and by the fear of the Lord men depart

from evil.

Proverbs 16:6

Secondly, that grandmother had no sense of authority.

Children, obey your parents

in the Lord: for this is right.

Ephesians 6:1

That grandmother was reasoning with a four year old.
Reasoning.
With a four year old.
They are very cute and sweet but logic and reason are not developed yet.
On Sunday I asked one of my students, a four year old, to join the others on the couch.
He just sat there angrily with his arms crossed.
I knelt in front of him and said, 'Am I your teacher?'
He said yes.
I asked, 'Are you supposed to obey your teacher?'
He said yes.
I said, 'will you please sit on the couch?'
And he complied.
I've watched his mother kneel in front of him to tell him that I am his teacher and he must obey me.
She gave me the right to instruct her children.
This student's parents teach their children about authority. The children know that they must be in subjection to their parents. The parents recognize their God given task of training their children and the authority that comes with that.
Both the parents and the children know their places- parents are the authority under God, the children are to obey.
I did not have to reason with him or bribe him into obeying, I simply had to remind him of the authority I have over him during Sunday School.
God put parents in charge. Parents have the freedom to hand over that authority to grandparents, baby sitters, Sunday school teachers and so forth.
That grandmother had no authority behind her because she did not recognize that her authority is God given and right. She approached the child like he was almost her equal.
Instead of suggesting it was time to get off the swing, she should have told him it was time. Instead of continuing to push him, she should have stopped the swing. Those small thing prove authority and shows the child who is in control.

Thirdly, the child had no sense of obedience
Clearly, the child is given the right to make most of the decisions.
'Which do you want, what would you like to eat, where would you like to sit, what do you want to do,'
Learning to be decisive and make choices are good things. We let our son pick out things when we can. However, we do not let him dictate what we are going to do- especially if he is trying to get his way by throwing a fit.
As parents it's our job to lead our children in the right things to do. For example, setting an example of family devotions. I realize that it can be very tedious to a child but family devotions could be the difference in your child's decision to serve God and reject the world. It made that difference in my life.
Sometimes Bo points to the TV and wants to watch, I often say no. It probably wouldn't be a bad thing for him to watch and it may give me a few minutes to get something finished, but I do not want him thinking he can choose to watch TV and I will comply. It gives him the idea that he is in charge. He needs to recognize, even at two, that he will not control what happens. He certainly effects what happens, but what we do will be decided by mom and dad because we know best (or at least better).
Not only that, TV isn't good for you. I'd rather he play with his toys to let his imagination and creativity flourish.
Yes, he is only two and does not understand that, but I tell you, it's easy at the mall when we walk by a toy store to say 'no, we're not going inside'. Though he may not like it, he listens (a lot of the time, not every time) because he's used to being told 'no'.
I am certainly not advocating saying 'no' for 'no's sake'. I am saying, use discretion and train your children to recognize that you are in authority, you know best, and they must learn to take no as an answer even when they do not understand.
The child must also learn that there are things we must do, even when they are not fun. Those things help us grow.
For example: I love volleyball. I played it throughout high school on teams and briefly on a club. The thing is, there are a lot of things I did not enjoy about playing for organized teams:
conditioning, tedious drills, getting benched.
Conditioning is hard work, doing the same drill for an hour is boring, and getting benched is frustrating and maddening.
But you know what? those things made me grow as a player.
Had I just gotten friends together and played I would not have grown as a player as I did with a professional coach making me do the boring stuff.
Getting benched makes real athletes mad. It forces us, though, to analyze ourselves honestly and improve the weak areas of our game.
Sharing the swing would not have been fun for the boy but it would have helped him grow as a person. He may have learned to take joy in making others happy or developed the strength to be considerate. Instead, he extracted a bribe from his grandmother to ensure his happiness continued.
Did he learn anything?
Yes he did- that if you hold out long enough you can have your cake and eat it too.

Train up a child in the way

he should go: and when he is

old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

That is a wonderful promise. Put in the work now while it is time. Look well to the ways of your household (Proverbs 31), and chasten thy son while there is yet hope (Proverbs 19:18). This will give you joy in your later years and your child will rise up and call you blessed (Proverbs 31). Remember, a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame (Proverbs 29:15).

Guard your children from the world. Take care to correct their ways, with mercy, truth, and grace. God will bless your efforts and you will have an eternal reward.

Where Our Heart Is

I love my husband very much.

For some reason, however, I have trouble obeying him.

That some reason is the fact that, despite five years that prove otherwise, I think I know better than him.

I really really don't.

He tells me, put Oxyclean in every load of laundry.

I think 'well, it's expensive, we want to conserve it, do Bo's clothes really need oxyclean?' and poof, I don't obey him.

Now that is a very very simplistic example but if I can't obey him in the simple things, how am I going to obey him in the big things?

There are expectations in marriage that are unspoken but they are there.

Keeping his name clean and bringing honour to his house for one.

Right now, though, I am thinking of the things my husband is responsible for that are placed in my keeping.

The way a family works is a partnership between the parents. The way a family is structured is a single head.

Family Structure:

God- final authority

Husband-leader, responsible to God for those under him (Ephesians 5:23, Ephesians 6:4)

Wife- third in command, responsible to her God and her husband for those under her (Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:22)

Children- responsible to obey God and parents (Ephesians 6:1-3)

Day to day family:

God- watches over us

Dad- works to provide (1 Timothy 5:8) + Mom- trains the children and keeps the home (Titus 2:5)

Children- grow and learn (Colossians 3:20)

In my keeping is the well being of my husband, our child, home, and, to a small extent, finances.

Each of the above are a world in themselves.

For example:

He expects me to feed our child, clean him when he's dirty, make sure he's safe, and so on.

He also expects me to train him up to obey, teach him about Jesus, and keep him away from worldly influences.

I've known a family where the father's job meant he was constantly traveling and his wife, tired, gave up training her children. Most of their children stopped following Christ and the father went through deep heartbreak because of that. I'm not saying it was completely the wife's fault, but she clearly did not take her role seriously.

So I look around my home and realize, there are a lot of things my husband gives importance to, that I do not.

I buy him his favourite apples and make sure there's chocolate in the house, but do I make sure that the oven is clean, vacuum the floor every day, wipe the inside of the fridge, and ensure the counters are spotless, knowing those things are important to him? (As a chef kitchen cleanliness is very important to him)

What about money?

Am I careful with his hard earned money? Do I save it rather then spend it?

These are subtle, simple things, but they are the difference between debt and monetary freedom, between having him comfortable in a clean home, or unhappily irritated that we live in a dump.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price

is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in

her, so that he shall have no need of spoil

She will do him good and not evil all the days

of her life.

Proverbs 31:10-13

I do not want to be another 'child' that my husband needs to look out for and 'take care of'.

I need to be a steady hand to help him. One he can 'safely trust'.

Adultery is not the only evil you can do to your husband. I need to make sure he's secure in all areas I am able.

Now there's God.

Do I put importance where He puts importance?

In some things yes- reading and studying the bible, prayer time.

In spreading the gospel- no.

This is where my love for God fails. I am more concerned about my own comfort than pulling a sinner out of hell and hiding a multitude of sins.

All this makes me realize that my treasure is myself.

For where your treasure is, there will

your heart be also.

Matthew 6:21

Before I think of God or my husband I think of myself. That cannot be. I will not be a fruitful Christian or a fruitful wife if I just think of myself.

I hope this was a blessing and a help to you.