Grateful

Gratitude is becoming an endangered species. It is one of the things consumerism has done to the world. We have and are not grateful because we can buy it of our own hand and get more if needed.
There are two big things I want. One of things thing money can buy, the other one can only be given.
The thing money can buy is a house. A nice house, not too big, with a good size yard- for a garden and for my son, in a nice area so I can go for runs every morning or evening. This desire has been on my mind lately because we almost had the opportunity to move but it was taken away from us.
Today in my bible reading I came across this story:

1 Samuel 8

Starting in verse 4- Then all the elders of Israel gathered

themselves together, and came to Samuel

unto Ramah,

And said unto him, Behold, thou art old,

and thy sons walk not in thy ways: now

make us a king to judge us like all the

nations.

But the thing displeased Samuel, when

they said, Give us a king to judge us. And

Samuel prayed unto the LORD.

And the LORD said unto Samuel, hearken

unto the voice of the people in all that they

 say unto thee: for they have not rejected

thee, but they have rejected me, that I

should not reign over them.

skipping to verse 9- Now therefore hearken unto

their voice: howbeit yet protest solemnly unto them,

and shew them the manner of the king that

shall reign over them.

And Samuel told all the words of the

LORD unto the people that asked of him a

king.

And he said, This will be the manner of

the king that shall reign over you: He will

take your sons, and appoint them for

himself, for his chariots, and to be his

horsemen; and some shall run before

his chariots.

ANd he will appoint him captains over

thousands, and captains over fifties; and

will set them to ear his ground, and to reap

his harvest, and to make his instruments of

war, and instruments of his chariots.

And he will take your daughters to be

confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be

bakers,

and he will take your fields, and your

vineyards, and your oliveyards, even

the best of them, and give them to his

servants.

And he will take the tenth of your seed,

and of your vineyards, and give to his

officers, and to his servants.

And he will take your menservants, and

your maidservants, and your goodliest

young men, and your asses, and put them 

to his work.

He will take the tenth of your sheep; and

ye shall be his servants.

And ye shall cry out in that day because

of your king which ye shall have chosen

you; and the LORD will not hear you in that

day.

This account struck me as I read it.

I wonder if this is like my husband and myself. We have a nice apartment- the ceilings are high, two bathrooms, a nice big kitchen, a big balcony that gets lots of sun, all for $1000 a month. The only thing is we live in a not so nice neighborhood and other tenants are really loud at night. Even so, we have a decent situation right now, by stretching our hands out to get a house by any (reasonable) means, are we rejecting God's will?

After everything Samuel tells the Israelites about the King that would be appointed, what do they say-

Nevertheless the people refused to obey

the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay;

but we will have a king over us;

That we also may be like all the nations;

and that our king may judge us, and go out

before us, and fight our battles.

And Samuel heard all the words of the

people, and he rehearsed them in the ears

of the LORD.

And the LORD said to Samuel, Hearken

unto their voice, and make them a king.

And Samuel said unto the men of Israel, Go

ye everyman unto his city.

1 Samuel 19-22

To the children of Israel, having a king was worth everything he'd take from them.

I wonder if that is like us sometimes. We want something so terribly we'd do anything to get it, no matter how much trouble it causes us.

I look at our life in our little apartment: I have many comforts others don't and I still want more. The troubles I have with apartment living would be magnified in a house but I still feel I'd gladly take the troubles and the house if we could manage it.
I'm not willing to speculate 'what if' the children of Israel had continued on under God's style of governance. I do know, that the trouble they ran into under Saul would not have happened.
So for now I must be patient and grateful.
Grateful for my big kitchen, two washrooms, and my sweet little balcony garden. Grateful I don't have an entire house to clean, I don't have to worry about my son falling down the stairs, and I don't have to worry about making sure three different doors and all the windows are closed when we go out. I am grateful we only pay rent, not repairs, maintenance, and pest control. I am grateful it's easy for my son to make friends in the playground because there are lots of children in the complex we see often.
I'm not a 'think positively' kind of person but thinking practically has helped me with this.

The other thing I want is another baby. I'd love a little girl but I'll take what I can get.
It's something I've sought the Lord over, wept uncontrollably about, fasted and prayed about, done a whole bunch of things that 'help' with these matters but I have not carried a baby to term.
I can think about it calmly now because through all my prayers and studies God has reassured me concerning this matter.
I was out with my son and husband the other day and as I watched them I realized something: how blessed we are to have each other. Right now I can focus on my precious son. Michael and I can love on him like nothing else. We can enjoy him thoroughly because our attention is not divided from him.
This is a time to be grateful for. This is a time of (relative) calmness that we can enjoy.
When, and if, the Lord grants us another baby, our lives will change even more and the steadiness we know now will vanish in a second.
When, and if, the Lord grants us another baby, it will be in His own time when He knows it is right.

There is no wisdom nor understanding

nor counsel against the Lord.

Proverbs 21:30

We have no idea of the troubles God is keeping us from by not giving us the things we think we want/need. By allowing Him to take the reins and be in control, you are saving yourself from a lot of unnecessary problems. It is not always easy to let these things go but but God is so good. While He guides us and teaches us He gives us the tools to grow, and patience to learn.  While I can easily write about things now, it was a process to get me to the place where I could face them with equanimity. God will help you if you surrender to His will. You will be blessed all the more for it.

All the way my saviour leads me,

What have I to ask beside?

Can I doubt His tender mercy,

Who through life has been my Guide?

Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort,

Here by faith in Him to dwell!

For I know, whate'er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well;

For I know, whate'er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well.

All the Way My Saviour Leads Me- Frances Crosby