Weed Your Garden

A few years ago I was tuned in to a live sermon on Sermon Audio and the preacher was talking about marriage. He was talking about dealing with issues that inevitably come up in marriage. He said we need to 'continually weed our garden' so that minor issues don't become bigger issues later on.
I always remember that phrase 'continually weed our garden' whenever something comes up in my marriage that I could either ignore or deal with.
I always deal with things that bug me now-whether internally or externally- it helps me keep a clear conscience toward my husband and limits our arguments.
If something is bothering me I have to examine myself to see if it's a problem on my end: did I misinterpret what he said, am I being oversensitive, is there a greater issue here, and things like that. If it passes the internal test then I'll calmly and rationally discuss it with him.
One day, after lots of petty arguments, my husband said to me, 'is there something else bothering you? You can't be getting mad at me for all these petty reasons'.
That was before I heard the garden analogy, no doubt it set me up to hear it with a deeper understanding, but it really got me thinking about what I was getting mad about. Was I mad about a big thing that was making me pick a bunch of small fights with him or am I just a contentious woman? More times than not it's a big thing that has festered in my mind for too long.

As I go through life I find myself weeding many gardens in many of my relationships. The fact is, people fail us, hurt us, irritate us, and so on. This tends to happen with the people we're around all the time- our spouse, family, extended family, close friends, even fellow church members.
It has often been said that the people closest to us hurt us the most but it has also been said that we are our own worst enemy. Most of the time there is something in us that is either offended for no reason or blowing something out of proportion. Before we ever point the finger elsewhere, we need to look inside.
Situations inevitably arise and we have to deal with them but there are a few things I always try to keep in mind when interacting with others whether they be unsaved or saved. The list following contains small things that turn into great hatred if they are allowed to continue unchecked. They are things we would be ashamed to admit, never really think about in our minds, but run rampant in our subconscious. If we keep the following under control and eliminate them from our lives, we'll get along better with everyone in our lives, and when someone does do something harmful to us, we'll be in the right and able to handle it with grace.

1- Are you envious at another person's freedom?
Do you go out of your way to wear dresses and skirts to church but someone else, who is not a new Christian, comes in wearing tight pants every service?
Does that bother you? Why should it bother you? If it bothers you then deeply consider your motives.
It really should not matter what someone else is wearing. I'm not saying tight clothing is appropriate church attire but evidently God is working on a matter of the heart with them and clothes aren't important at the moment. Whatever the case may be, it should not matter. Maybe it is bothering you because you don't have the freedom to dress that way.
I find this is a big one in churches. It may look like someone is looking down on you but really they regret not having the freedom you have. It may be what you are able to eat, who you are friends with, the fact that you feel strongly convicted about homeschooling and other parents freely drop their children off at public school.
I realize this may sound silly and petty but in a few cases in my life I've had to examine why I felt dislike toward someone and it was something as silly as what they could do and I could not.

Let not him that eateth despise him that

eateth not; and let not him which eateth

not judge him that eateth: for God hath

received him.

Who art thou that judgest another man's

servant? to his own master he standeth or

falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God

is able to make him stand.

Romans 14:3&4

2- Are you envious at another person's possessions?
I think this happens to all of us- we see a thriving Christian or a wealthy unsaved family and wonder what they did to be blessed that way. The thing to remember is this: would you be willing to go through what that person went through to have the things they have today?
The religious leadership was envious at Jesus and look what they did to Him (see Matthew 27:18 and Mark 15:10). Envy is dangerous. Avoid it.

Let your conversation be without

covetousness; and be content with such

things as ye have: for he hath said, I will

never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Hebrews 13:5

3- Are you promoting yourself?
When you see people talking together, do you think they are talking about you? When the preacher is giving an example during his preaching, do you think he's talking about you?  If you automatically think of yourself in situations like these it is a good indication that you are walking in your flesh, not the Spirit. Maybe someone says something like, 'I have a nice crockpot' and it may run through your mind, 'so mine isn't nice?' If that is the case, you are in your flesh. Perhaps someone did not smile at you when you smiled at them or they did not say hi to you when they came in.
All these situations revolve around you. If you find yourself getting offended in one of the ways listed above, you're putting yourself first.

Great peace have they which love thy

law: and nothing shall offend them.

Psalm 119:165

4- Do you worry that others are better than you?
Do they live in a better neighborhood, are they more athletic, do their children get along better than yours, are they more involved, do they know more hymns by heart, do they have a better job, and so on. When you start sizing people up, your heart is not in the right place.

Be kindly affectioned one to another

with brotherly love; in honour preferring

one another;

Romans 12:10

Let nothing be done through strife or

vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each

esteem other better than themselves.

Philippians 2:3

5- Does it bother you when no one compliments you?
Maybe you sang a solo, made three dishes for the potluck, or was a major part of the success of an event and not one person told you what a good job you did.
If it bothers you, you are most certainly in your flesh.

It is not good to eat much honey: so for

men to search their own glory is not glory.

Proverbs 25:27

Reading this list over makes me very amused because they're all such little things that make a difference.

There is obviously one thread that binds all five points together: pride.
All these things can be avoided if you have the scriptural view of yourself.

When pride cometh, then cometh shame:

but with the lowly is wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2

Trying to be better than others, thinking you are better than others will lead to shame. 

Only by pride cometh contention: but

with the well advised is wisdom.

Proverbs 13:10

The only reason there is ever contention is pride. Next time you're in an argument, shut down your pride and see what happens.

Pride goeth before destruction, and an

haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 16:18

Your pride is not your friend. The scripture is very clear: it will destroy you.

But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he

saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth

grace unto the humble.

James 4:6

Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves

unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject

one to another, and be clothed with

humility: for God resisteth the proud, and

giveth grace to the humble.

Humble yourselves therefore under the

mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you

in due time:

Casting all your care upon him; for he

careth for you.

1 Peter 5:5-7

You don't need to dress in rags and have a long face to be humble. All you need to do is recognize who you are, what you deserve, and where you could've gone but for God's grace.

For ye see your calling, brethren, how

that not many wise men after the flesh, not

many mighty, not many noble, are called:

But God hath chosen the foolish things 

of the world to confound the wise; and God 

hath chosen the weak things of the world

to confound the things which are mighty;

and base things of the world, and things

which are despised, hath God chosen, yea,

and things which are not, to bring to

nought things that are:

that no flesh should glory in his presence.

1 Corinthians 1:26-29

That passage should easily put us all in our place.

Finally, how many times have you been in a bad mood and said something you did not mean? How many times did you put your foot in your mouth because you were caught up in the moment and not thinking? How many times have you misjudged a situation, acted impetuously, hastily, irrationally or inconsiderately without meaning to?

I do it all the time and I hope that the people around me most often will give me the benefit of the doubt that I don't mean any harm. The least I can do is afford that same kindness to others.

My pastor once said, 'the cause of Christ is greater'. How does it look to the world if we're squabbling and hating each other for no reason other than our pride? The world is full of hatred. The church should be one place where real love is. Christ loved us enough to die for us, the least we could do is die to ourselves for the sake of each other. 

Pull out pride by the roots and all will be well.