Thoughts

A few posts ago I shared advice given by ladies from my church at our ladies night.
When all was said and done and I was able to look back on what my advice was, I thought I should have rather given what I am about to write in this post.
I didn't regret the advice I gave, I just thought I could have given something more helpful. Also I get really excited when I talk in front of people and I don't think I ever make much sense.
Anyways, someone who was there came up to me on Sunday and told me that what I said helped them. So clearly the Lord had me say that for a reason.

Right now though, if they were to ask me again I would give this advice: control your thoughts.

When I was first married I had no idea that a thought life existed and that it needed to be lassoed, roped up and brought to utter submission.

I didn't realize how strongly thoughts effected you and what they resulted in outside. Once I was married I was forced to edit (or parent) myself from my outward actions down to my smallest inward thought.
My work situation at the time gave me plenty of leave to think about things. I allowed myself to think covetously about clothes, I ranted against my husband, thought whatever I wanted of others, and tried to make myself out to be better than I was.
Needless to say, all these things manifested themselves on the outside:

For as he thinketh in his heart so is he:

Proverbs 23:7a
And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without
understanding?
Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth
in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out
into the draught?
But those things which proceed out of the mouth
come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders,
adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness,
blasphemies:
These are the things which defile a man: but to eat
with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
Matthew 15:16-20
But all things that are reproved are made manifest
by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is
light.
Ephesians 5:13

Everything inside will eventually come out. It just takes time.

As one preacher said, things we consider great sins do not happen suddenly and are not out of character. Whatever it is that was done was the manifestation of what the person thought about and harboured in their heart. In other words, if a man cheats on his wife after 10 years of marriage, he was adulterous in his heart years before the actual physical act took place.

If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:

Psalm 66:18

The things we keep in our heart effects our relationship with God first. It has been said so many times that if we put God first in our lives and maintain a good relationship with Him, the rest of our relationships will fall into place and thrive.

This post is about my thought life in my marriage but don't mistake that my wicked thoughts were a result of a sin problem that was preventing a good relationship with God. All the changes I was able to make were a result of a consistent relationship with God and His mercy in pointing things out to me. If you stay in the Word God will show you things when you're out and about. At the exact right time He will reveal something to you that changes your world and the way you do things. I hope this post conveys that.

Thinking covetously about clothes was the fist thing to go because it was making me miserable. I could easily see the effects my thoughts were having on me and I cut it out immediately. God hates covetousness, by the way, see my post on it here.

Ranting against my husband in my mind took a long time. The problem with ranting in your mind is that you begin to imagine things, you blow things out of proportion, you gain confidence where you shouldn't, your pride builds up, and you lose all logic. Even if you are right to be angry about something, ranting in your mind about it will lose you the argument- you've lost all reason.

Since I often fought with my husband in my head, I often fought with him at home. It was bad for a while but then a few things happened to help actually consider what I was doing:

I stopped listening to debates- they were making me aggressive and belligerent.

I stopped taking birth control pills- I need to pause at this one because it really made a big difference in our marriage. When my husband and I spoke of this before we were married he advised me to avoid birth control pills. For me it was the simplest thing so I went on them. Now, there was a sin problem that needed to be taken care of and I can't blame the birth control. I will point out that as soon as I stopped taking them- about six months into my marriage- we fought less. It's a known fact that birth control plays with your hormones and I recall being bloated all the time and generally very uncomfortable.

After those things I read this verse:

An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips

there is a burning fire.

Proverbs 16:27

I knew that was me as soon as I read it. If anything I want to be godly so right then and there I repented of digging up evil and put away the burning fire in my lips. 

I had a lot of damage to repair. I had been argumentative and volatile for months and it was how my husband expected me to react. I stopped letting small things get to me, I picked my battles wisely and instead of letting things fester, I'd calmly talk to my husband about it right away.

We stopped arguing but the healing process took a long time. I had a lot of hard of hard ground to break up and deep rooted weeds to pull out because of the bad seeds I had sown.

At a ladies retreat just over two years ago our speaker said this: ranting in your mind gives place to the devil.

The devil is trying to destroy your testimony and one of the ways he can do it is by destroying your marriage. Don't give him place.

The other thing about this is when you are right, react the right way. Being right about something or being the one who was wronged does not justify the way you react. Our example is Christ:

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ

also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye

should follow his steps:

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his

mouth:

Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when

he suffered he threatened not; but committed himself

to him that judgeth righteously:

1 Peter 2:21-23

Let God handle it. He'll give you more justice than you can give yourself.

The other way my thoughts were effecting my marriage was how I thought about myself. I was vain in a lot of ways when I had no reason to be. 

One big thing was that I had to be the most beautiful woman and no one else could even be pretty.

We'd be watching TV, I'd feel threatened by someone else's beauty and I'd casually ask, 'do you think she's pretty?'. Well, there was no right answer to that question because if he said 'no' I wouldn't believe him and if he said 'yes' I'd just get mad at him. These situations resulted in a lot of those fights where you have no idea what you're fighting about, how it even started, but you will win at whatever cost.

I was walking home from work one day and it FINALLY occurred to me that I am not the prettiest, I'll never be, and I should accept it and be happy for people who are.

I repented of my vanity right away. What I did not expect was that I began to be a much happier and more grateful person.

This is really interesting because if you are thankful for what you are, what you have, and how God has blessed you- even when you are mediocre looking, you have little, and God has blessed you with hundreds of dollars rather than millions- you can be really happy and impervious to covetousness, pride, and the need to justify yourself.

A preacher said it like this, 'Don't be envious of people because you have no idea what it cost them to get what they have. Take David for example. God used him for great things but David's sin is written in the bible and will be left there for eternity. Are you willing to have your sin written in God's perfect Word for all to read for eternity?'

No. Not me.

As I learned these things I began to produce the following:

-I started just being happy for other people when they were better than me. This just sets you free. You don't feel anymore pressure to dress the best, look the best, be the smartest, or whatever is important to you. You get to just be and do what you can. It's so freeing.

-I stopped comparing myself to others because there is no comparison between people. God deals with us all differently, we all deal with different things, and simply saying, 'I would do it this way' just comes from what you know and what you've experienced- the other person has different knowledge and experience.

-I began to have more mercy on people. I made cream scones for sunday school one day and a child bit into one, spat it out, loudly complained that it was horrible, and threw the rest of it in the garbage. Before that would've offended me. Now I just look at that and feel sorry that that child doesn't have the manners not to react like that. It's the same way I look at scantily dressed teens in my neighbourhood, people who fall for false religions, and others who are on wayward paths. I feel sorry that they just don't know better and thankful that by God's grace (and ONLY by His grace) I do know better.

The last thing I needed to be rid of- at least get a handle on- was thinking too much about what my husband needed to change. It's so easy to listen to a sermon and think 'I hope he's listening. This is something he needs to hear' or read scripture and apply it to my husband (or anyone else for that matter).
The fact is, you can't change anyone. As Dr. Peacock says, 'if the Holy Spirit can't change them, what makes you think you can?'
My husband once told me that I am the best testimony to him when I quietly go about my business and serve the Lord. I have no idea when I was ever like that and I've seriously tried to attain to it since he told me that.
Something to remember is that unsolicited advice is never heeded. People- including your husband- are not going to listen to you in an area they do not want to be told what to do in.
As many preachers have pointed out: you won't be answering for them at the judgement seat. You'll be answering for yourself. Focus on your own shortcomings.
Now, this doesn't mean I don't tell my husband when I think he's doing something wrong. One time he decided to do something and I was very bothered by it. It did not effect me in any way but I felt very strongly that his conduct was wrong. That night I spoke to him very calmly and logically about it. He told me that I was right and he apologized.
There are things in both my husband and myself that need to change. There are many things we both fall short on. My reaction to my husband's shortcomings cannot be to correct them. My reaction has to be prayer.
God has worked a lot on me through the things I thought my husband needed to change. I don't know what's best. I don't know my husband's heart the way God does. I don't know anything I need to know about my husband. God does know and all I can do, as a good wife, is encourage my husband to do right and pray for him.
Once I stopped looking for ways my husband could improve I started appreciating him a whole lot more. I noticed good things about him I never did before. I started being more of an encouragement to him too because I was generally more positive toward him.

I hope I conveyed what a difference your thoughts make in your marriage. I can't say that I've completely stopped some of the things I've written about above. It's hard work but you've got to be picky about what you let in your mind.
This will be one of the joys of being in heaven: you won't have to worry about what you think anymore. It will just be right. You will open your mouth to say something and what you say will be right. You won't have to wonder what to do next and whether you're making the right decision or not. You'll know what's right and you'll do what's right.
On this side of heaven, however, all we can do is stay close to God by (trying) to keep our minds clean.

For I know the things that come into your mind, every one of them.

Ezekiel 11:5d

Ladies Night

We had a ladies night at church on Sunday night and we were all given the opportunity to give marital advice to a friend who will soon be married.
The advice was great.
It's really lovely to hear advice from women who are determined to make their marriages work- not for pride, security, or money- but for the love of God and His glory.
The other thing is that as women we need to encourage each other. My sister spoke about it yesterday- the things we do are not easy. As close as we are to our husbands they will never really understand what it is like to be a woman and all those things that womanhood, motherhood, wifehood entail. We just need to be there for each other, encourage each other, and strengthen each other in the Lord.

Everyone had great advice. It was great because God gave it to them, they use it, and it's helped their marriages. It's real. This kind of thing has to be passed along. I didn't get everything down and I certainly did not do the spirit of the gathering justice. The following are the notes I took with my comments in italic.

- Don't ever stop saying fun, intimate things to each other. Show him you love him with love notes, impromptu gifts. Don't let the excitement of 'I love you' die.

I loved her advice because it was all about having fun with each other. It's not just the sweet things but also things you wouldn't want anyone else to hear. Own the intimacy you have with your husband. It's a God given freedom to be celebrated, not quenched. You should have as much fun (if not more) with it the longer you're married.

- Proverbs 13:10- Only by pride cometh contention.

When a fight happens usually one of you- or both- are in pride. If it's you just let it go.

Proverbs 17:14- Leave off contention before it be meddled with

-don't say anything that may turn into a fight. Leave the small issues

-Pick your battles wisely

For example: I'd rather my husband smoked then didn't pay any attention to his son. While smoking kills you, the harm you can do our family is far more insidious.

-Communication. Just communicating your thoughts and desires makes all the difference.

This encompasses everything from your emotions, to physical desires, to every day things.

-Marriage is not just about sweet times. It's a roller coaster.

-God will see you through the hard times. Take everything to God in prayer

-Proverbs 14:1- Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

-Your husband needs encouragement. Know what he likes to hear

-Colossians 3:13- Forbearing on another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

-A good marriage is made up of two good forgivers

-Don't let things build up- bitterness will grow.

-Don't continually bring up things from the past- let them go

Even though things are said and we get hurt we need to choose to put those things away and not speak of them again. (She explained this really well but I can't remember her exact words. I hope I get the gist of it accross at least)

-Keep short accounts with each other and with God

-leave sowing and reaping to God

-Get into proper habits: pray together everyday. You need to hear yourselves pray for each other.

She mentioned that it encourages you to do right

-have the character to keep the good habits going

-Your husband needs to know you love God the most

-Be submitted to God first

-Communicate the right way with the right attitude: correct response, correct thinking, correct perspective, correct tone. How does HE perceive YOUR tone?

-You each have your own relationship with God. You will not have the same convictions. Use those differences in convictions to grow.

This was my advice to her because God has been really challenging me by my husband's and my differences lately (in a good way). Popular culture will tell you (or show you) that 'perfect couples' are completely in sync, think alike, and so on. Recently a friend of mine who has been married for close to thirty years told me that her and her husband do not think alike at all. She can never figure out what he is thinking or how he'll do something. I needed to hear that. 

-It's not up to you to change him. Leave that to God.

-Remember that you love him and that your love covers every issue that comes up.

-Take time to appreciate the things about him you particularly love.

The things you love about him- especially the small things can completely change your mood. I actually want to write about all the things I love about my husband so I'll leave that until that post but one thing that brings me immediate comfort is his size. He's so tall and I love it when his strong arms envelope me. A few nights ago I was just grumpy because I was grumpy. My husband gave me a giant and very loving hug and my grumpiness went away. 

-Men are not mind readers

-Don't shy away from telling him what you are thinking.

-You both need to share your thoughts

-Know how to talk to each other- you'll avoid lots of arguments this way

This is really great advice because knowing how to talk to your husband makes a huge difference. This takes a lot of control (at least for me). You don't have to bury feelings, wants, needs deep down if you know how to present them rationally to your husband in a way he'll understand and respond to.

-Pride has no place- don't hesitate to be the first to rectify the situation

If you start doing this, he'll start doing this. Choosing not to be angry, choosing to say 'it was me' changes his attitude toward you

-Forgiveness makes a huge difference

-Have family devotions

She mentioned that when a fight happened, doing devotions together was like a band aid

-Give everything to the Lord

-Ephesians 4:26-Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil.

-Proverbs 15:1- A soft answer turneth away wrath: but greivous words stir up anger.

-Have God first in your life for spiritual growth. Your husband will appreciate it

-Don't speak badly about your husband- no complaining about him

-Before you're married choose someone trustworthy that you can go to if you are having a serious problem in your marriage.

Well there you have it. I hope this was encouragement and/or help to you! It certainly has helped me.

Weed Your Garden

A few years ago I was tuned in to a live sermon on Sermon Audio and the preacher was talking about marriage. He was talking about dealing with issues that inevitably come up in marriage. He said we need to 'continually weed our garden' so that minor issues don't become bigger issues later on.
I always remember that phrase 'continually weed our garden' whenever something comes up in my marriage that I could either ignore or deal with.
I always deal with things that bug me now-whether internally or externally- it helps me keep a clear conscience toward my husband and limits our arguments.
If something is bothering me I have to examine myself to see if it's a problem on my end: did I misinterpret what he said, am I being oversensitive, is there a greater issue here, and things like that. If it passes the internal test then I'll calmly and rationally discuss it with him.
One day, after lots of petty arguments, my husband said to me, 'is there something else bothering you? You can't be getting mad at me for all these petty reasons'.
That was before I heard the garden analogy, no doubt it set me up to hear it with a deeper understanding, but it really got me thinking about what I was getting mad about. Was I mad about a big thing that was making me pick a bunch of small fights with him or am I just a contentious woman? More times than not it's a big thing that has festered in my mind for too long.

As I go through life I find myself weeding many gardens in many of my relationships. The fact is, people fail us, hurt us, irritate us, and so on. This tends to happen with the people we're around all the time- our spouse, family, extended family, close friends, even fellow church members.
It has often been said that the people closest to us hurt us the most but it has also been said that we are our own worst enemy. Most of the time there is something in us that is either offended for no reason or blowing something out of proportion. Before we ever point the finger elsewhere, we need to look inside.
Situations inevitably arise and we have to deal with them but there are a few things I always try to keep in mind when interacting with others whether they be unsaved or saved. The list following contains small things that turn into great hatred if they are allowed to continue unchecked. They are things we would be ashamed to admit, never really think about in our minds, but run rampant in our subconscious. If we keep the following under control and eliminate them from our lives, we'll get along better with everyone in our lives, and when someone does do something harmful to us, we'll be in the right and able to handle it with grace.

1- Are you envious at another person's freedom?
Do you go out of your way to wear dresses and skirts to church but someone else, who is not a new Christian, comes in wearing tight pants every service?
Does that bother you? Why should it bother you? If it bothers you then deeply consider your motives.
It really should not matter what someone else is wearing. I'm not saying tight clothing is appropriate church attire but evidently God is working on a matter of the heart with them and clothes aren't important at the moment. Whatever the case may be, it should not matter. Maybe it is bothering you because you don't have the freedom to dress that way.
I find this is a big one in churches. It may look like someone is looking down on you but really they regret not having the freedom you have. It may be what you are able to eat, who you are friends with, the fact that you feel strongly convicted about homeschooling and other parents freely drop their children off at public school.
I realize this may sound silly and petty but in a few cases in my life I've had to examine why I felt dislike toward someone and it was something as silly as what they could do and I could not.

Let not him that eateth despise him that

eateth not; and let not him which eateth

not judge him that eateth: for God hath

received him.

Who art thou that judgest another man's

servant? to his own master he standeth or

falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God

is able to make him stand.

Romans 14:3&4

2- Are you envious at another person's possessions?
I think this happens to all of us- we see a thriving Christian or a wealthy unsaved family and wonder what they did to be blessed that way. The thing to remember is this: would you be willing to go through what that person went through to have the things they have today?
The religious leadership was envious at Jesus and look what they did to Him (see Matthew 27:18 and Mark 15:10). Envy is dangerous. Avoid it.

Let your conversation be without

covetousness; and be content with such

things as ye have: for he hath said, I will

never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

Hebrews 13:5

3- Are you promoting yourself?
When you see people talking together, do you think they are talking about you? When the preacher is giving an example during his preaching, do you think he's talking about you?  If you automatically think of yourself in situations like these it is a good indication that you are walking in your flesh, not the Spirit. Maybe someone says something like, 'I have a nice crockpot' and it may run through your mind, 'so mine isn't nice?' If that is the case, you are in your flesh. Perhaps someone did not smile at you when you smiled at them or they did not say hi to you when they came in.
All these situations revolve around you. If you find yourself getting offended in one of the ways listed above, you're putting yourself first.

Great peace have they which love thy

law: and nothing shall offend them.

Psalm 119:165

4- Do you worry that others are better than you?
Do they live in a better neighborhood, are they more athletic, do their children get along better than yours, are they more involved, do they know more hymns by heart, do they have a better job, and so on. When you start sizing people up, your heart is not in the right place.

Be kindly affectioned one to another

with brotherly love; in honour preferring

one another;

Romans 12:10

Let nothing be done through strife or

vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each

esteem other better than themselves.

Philippians 2:3

5- Does it bother you when no one compliments you?
Maybe you sang a solo, made three dishes for the potluck, or was a major part of the success of an event and not one person told you what a good job you did.
If it bothers you, you are most certainly in your flesh.

It is not good to eat much honey: so for

men to search their own glory is not glory.

Proverbs 25:27

Reading this list over makes me very amused because they're all such little things that make a difference.

There is obviously one thread that binds all five points together: pride.
All these things can be avoided if you have the scriptural view of yourself.

When pride cometh, then cometh shame:

but with the lowly is wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2

Trying to be better than others, thinking you are better than others will lead to shame. 

Only by pride cometh contention: but

with the well advised is wisdom.

Proverbs 13:10

The only reason there is ever contention is pride. Next time you're in an argument, shut down your pride and see what happens.

Pride goeth before destruction, and an

haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 16:18

Your pride is not your friend. The scripture is very clear: it will destroy you.

But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he

saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth

grace unto the humble.

James 4:6

Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves

unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject

one to another, and be clothed with

humility: for God resisteth the proud, and

giveth grace to the humble.

Humble yourselves therefore under the

mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you

in due time:

Casting all your care upon him; for he

careth for you.

1 Peter 5:5-7

You don't need to dress in rags and have a long face to be humble. All you need to do is recognize who you are, what you deserve, and where you could've gone but for God's grace.

For ye see your calling, brethren, how

that not many wise men after the flesh, not

many mighty, not many noble, are called:

But God hath chosen the foolish things 

of the world to confound the wise; and God 

hath chosen the weak things of the world

to confound the things which are mighty;

and base things of the world, and things

which are despised, hath God chosen, yea,

and things which are not, to bring to

nought things that are:

that no flesh should glory in his presence.

1 Corinthians 1:26-29

That passage should easily put us all in our place.

Finally, how many times have you been in a bad mood and said something you did not mean? How many times did you put your foot in your mouth because you were caught up in the moment and not thinking? How many times have you misjudged a situation, acted impetuously, hastily, irrationally or inconsiderately without meaning to?

I do it all the time and I hope that the people around me most often will give me the benefit of the doubt that I don't mean any harm. The least I can do is afford that same kindness to others.

My pastor once said, 'the cause of Christ is greater'. How does it look to the world if we're squabbling and hating each other for no reason other than our pride? The world is full of hatred. The church should be one place where real love is. Christ loved us enough to die for us, the least we could do is die to ourselves for the sake of each other. 

Pull out pride by the roots and all will be well.

Five Years

Today is my husband's and my fifth anniversary.

My father-in-law performed the ceremony on August 15th, 2010

I've reflected a lot on our marriage over the last few months. As I've reflected, the things that I have been most thoughtful about are the vows we made on that day before God.

That day is a blur to me. I remember bits and pieces of it but the most important part- the vow- doesn't play back in my head. It's unfortunate but fortunately Michael and I discussed what we wanted our marriage to be long before we ever said 'I do', and also I have a copy of the vow we made.

I intend to stand by Michael in sickness, health, poverty, wealth, through children, through family, through the world, through death, through life, through everything 'as long as we both shall live'.
When I said 'I do', I meant it.

The marital 'I do' are not light words. You have given yourself up by saying them. Everything you want, think, say, do now effects your marriage. You can either work selflessly toward 'I do' or selfishly against it.
'I do' is not the end of the story. 'I do' does not mean you have it right. 'I do' is a world of challenges that yields one of earthly life's greatest rewards.
'I do' does not mean it's done. It means it's just beginning.

I think most marriages fail because people say 'I do' but don't bother putting effort into really thinking through those things mentioned above. They do not realize that 'I do' is a vow of selflessness. It is not about making yourself happy, it is about what you can do for the other person. (Please note- I recognize that many people who were married, still wish to be married, but can't because their spouse destroyed their marriage through adultery and the like- I am not talking about these situations.) 

If I want to live with my husband happily until we die, there are things I need to do.
For instance:
Michael and I came together because of the bible. Our relationship was born out of mutual interest in and love for the scripture. We decided, before we met each other, to live by the Word, and thus our relationship was first built on the Word, and now our marriage is built on the Word. The fact that our marriage would be founded on biblical principals never needed to be said. It is something we've always known and it is the standard we hold each other accountable to. 

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own

husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:23

How can I expect my marriage to last if I don't obey that verse?

Nevertheless let every one of you in

particular so love his wife even as himself;

and the wife see that she reverence her

husband.

Ephesians 5:33

Reverencing my husband means treating him with respect. It means I do not complain about him to our child and others, I do not give him attitude, I do not take my mood out on him, and so on.

Submitting myself and being reverent toward my husband are two ways I put my marriage vow into practice and prove it's worth to me- it is putting my feelings aside to treat my husband the way I am commanded to.

It is not natural to be submissive and reverent- especially in a marriage as you get to know each other.

Familiarity breeds contempt- that's where God's grace comes in.
While submission is not an easy thing and reverence does not come naturally to me, my vow before God constrains me to get those parts of my life under control. If I let myself do what I please, my marriage would be in shambles because what I please has nothing to do with submission and reverence. I take my marriage vow seriously and I work daily to make my marriage work.

Recently, my husband and I had to work through an issue we were having. It was something that would come up every few months and finally it came to a point where it needed to be settled once and for all. We had some pretty fierce arguments about it and, when we had what was to be the final battle about it I felt like I could never forgive him.
I was furious in a way I'd never been before. Then I remembered that I promised to love Michael. 'Charity never faileth' (1 Corinthians 13) charity is God, charity is love in action.
When I remembered my promise to love Michael I had to stop and really think about my actions and emotions. I realized that I either love myself more than him or I love him more than myself. Happy marriages are not made of two people who love themselves more than they love each other. I also had to realize that I love God most of all. If I tried to solve this problem using my own love toward Michael I would fail. I needed supernatural love- charity.
I couldn't think about what made me so angry but what I did do was go to God in prayer. What I had learned was that I could not deal with this on my own, in my flesh, or in my spirit; it made me so angry I couldn't stand it.
When I went to God I just asked Him to help me do what I was supposed to do. I asked for grace, strength, and an attitude change. I asked God to help me love Michael- that's kind of a funny request isn't it?
You know, God changed my heart the instant I was done praying.
I couldn't submit to Michael, I was too angry at him for that, but I could- and did- submit to God and He took care of my issue with Michael. 

What wound up happening was I was able to apologize, I was able to forgive, I was able to tell Michael my entire side, and we've resolved it once and for all.
This giant weed in our garden was pulled out and destroyed.
I tell that story to say this: my marriage vow helped me overcome my flesh. Remembering it helped me when I failed. Our marriage vows are not for show. They are real promises meant to aid us in life.

We've changed a lot in five years of marriage but what has not changed is the vow we made exactly five years ago. That is the beauty of marriage, you grow older, move, change, but your purpose remains the same. I'm so thankful I have something to look back on, to remind me of why we came together, to give me strength to do what is right.
God is so good!