Five Years

Today is my husband's and my fifth anniversary.

My father-in-law performed the ceremony on August 15th, 2010

I've reflected a lot on our marriage over the last few months. As I've reflected, the things that I have been most thoughtful about are the vows we made on that day before God.

That day is a blur to me. I remember bits and pieces of it but the most important part- the vow- doesn't play back in my head. It's unfortunate but fortunately Michael and I discussed what we wanted our marriage to be long before we ever said 'I do', and also I have a copy of the vow we made.

I intend to stand by Michael in sickness, health, poverty, wealth, through children, through family, through the world, through death, through life, through everything 'as long as we both shall live'.
When I said 'I do', I meant it.

The marital 'I do' are not light words. You have given yourself up by saying them. Everything you want, think, say, do now effects your marriage. You can either work selflessly toward 'I do' or selfishly against it.
'I do' is not the end of the story. 'I do' does not mean you have it right. 'I do' is a world of challenges that yields one of earthly life's greatest rewards.
'I do' does not mean it's done. It means it's just beginning.

I think most marriages fail because people say 'I do' but don't bother putting effort into really thinking through those things mentioned above. They do not realize that 'I do' is a vow of selflessness. It is not about making yourself happy, it is about what you can do for the other person. (Please note- I recognize that many people who were married, still wish to be married, but can't because their spouse destroyed their marriage through adultery and the like- I am not talking about these situations.) 

If I want to live with my husband happily until we die, there are things I need to do.
For instance:
Michael and I came together because of the bible. Our relationship was born out of mutual interest in and love for the scripture. We decided, before we met each other, to live by the Word, and thus our relationship was first built on the Word, and now our marriage is built on the Word. The fact that our marriage would be founded on biblical principals never needed to be said. It is something we've always known and it is the standard we hold each other accountable to. 

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own

husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:23

How can I expect my marriage to last if I don't obey that verse?

Nevertheless let every one of you in

particular so love his wife even as himself;

and the wife see that she reverence her

husband.

Ephesians 5:33

Reverencing my husband means treating him with respect. It means I do not complain about him to our child and others, I do not give him attitude, I do not take my mood out on him, and so on.

Submitting myself and being reverent toward my husband are two ways I put my marriage vow into practice and prove it's worth to me- it is putting my feelings aside to treat my husband the way I am commanded to.

It is not natural to be submissive and reverent- especially in a marriage as you get to know each other.

Familiarity breeds contempt- that's where God's grace comes in.
While submission is not an easy thing and reverence does not come naturally to me, my vow before God constrains me to get those parts of my life under control. If I let myself do what I please, my marriage would be in shambles because what I please has nothing to do with submission and reverence. I take my marriage vow seriously and I work daily to make my marriage work.

Recently, my husband and I had to work through an issue we were having. It was something that would come up every few months and finally it came to a point where it needed to be settled once and for all. We had some pretty fierce arguments about it and, when we had what was to be the final battle about it I felt like I could never forgive him.
I was furious in a way I'd never been before. Then I remembered that I promised to love Michael. 'Charity never faileth' (1 Corinthians 13) charity is God, charity is love in action.
When I remembered my promise to love Michael I had to stop and really think about my actions and emotions. I realized that I either love myself more than him or I love him more than myself. Happy marriages are not made of two people who love themselves more than they love each other. I also had to realize that I love God most of all. If I tried to solve this problem using my own love toward Michael I would fail. I needed supernatural love- charity.
I couldn't think about what made me so angry but what I did do was go to God in prayer. What I had learned was that I could not deal with this on my own, in my flesh, or in my spirit; it made me so angry I couldn't stand it.
When I went to God I just asked Him to help me do what I was supposed to do. I asked for grace, strength, and an attitude change. I asked God to help me love Michael- that's kind of a funny request isn't it?
You know, God changed my heart the instant I was done praying.
I couldn't submit to Michael, I was too angry at him for that, but I could- and did- submit to God and He took care of my issue with Michael. 

What wound up happening was I was able to apologize, I was able to forgive, I was able to tell Michael my entire side, and we've resolved it once and for all.
This giant weed in our garden was pulled out and destroyed.
I tell that story to say this: my marriage vow helped me overcome my flesh. Remembering it helped me when I failed. Our marriage vows are not for show. They are real promises meant to aid us in life.

We've changed a lot in five years of marriage but what has not changed is the vow we made exactly five years ago. That is the beauty of marriage, you grow older, move, change, but your purpose remains the same. I'm so thankful I have something to look back on, to remind me of why we came together, to give me strength to do what is right.
God is so good!