27

I turned 27 yesterday and looking back on 26 I know that the biggest area of personal growth for me was knowing myself better. I don't mean personal preferences, faults, strengths and things like that. I mean the deeper things that make me do what I do.

Before this last year a lot of my knowledge of myself was based on ideals and things I wanted myself to be. In the words of the dowager Lady Grantham I'd 'read too many novels'. I've learned a lot this past year just about myself, what I really am, my real motives, and what is at the heart of everything I do.

Something that's helped me learn about myself, is looking at myself as the source of all my problems. I know to the world that sounds horrendous but it's absolutely liberating.

For instance, I was hurt by some people not too long ago.

I was really struggling with it when God pointed out that it wouldn't be what it was if I wasn't carrying on. While their actions were indeed hurtful, my holding it against them was what was really hurting me.

As soon as He showed me my error, I got it right and moved on.

Another example is my husband not doing things I think he should be doing. I realized that there's a lot of things I should be doing that I'm not and looking at him wasn't improving my lot at all. A preacher once pointed out that maybe our spouses' get away with things we think they should be doing so that God can test us and reveal what's really in our hearts.
Turning my critical focus from other people to myself has made a world of difference in pursuing peace in my relationships- especially that of my marriage.

Another thing that's helped me learn about myself is leaving social media. I know I keep going back to it and I wrote a whole post about it here. I don't want to delve into a topic that I've dealt with before, but its really amazing what you'll learn about yourself, learn to do, and accomplish when you're not drawn to your phone/tablet/computer to see if someone posted something new or post something yourself.
The other temptation or tendency, even with blogging, is to spend your time thinking about what to post. There are better things to occupy our minds.
For me, social media is a weight that besets. It puts things into my mind that wouldn't be there otherwise. It gives me impressions of people I don't need to have. It makes me want to 'attain' what others have 'attained'.
Getting out of it was a good clean cut. All the clutter in my brain left when I left social media.

It comes down to being honest with yourself- seeing yourself for what you really are. It is allowing God to use those trying times to build character where you are lacking. It's also being able to pinpoint those things that keep us from moving forward and getting them out of our lives.

Having cut out a lot of unnecessary issues in my life, I've come to this place where I am able to pursue meaningful things fully and freely.

Fully as in I'm able to give good time to the pursuit, and freely as in without need for validation from people.

This blog is a good example of that. In almost a year of writing I still have no idea if anyone actually reads what I write. Whether people are reading or not it does not matter because this blog was God's idea, it's God's work, it's for God's glory, He gives me the time to write, He gives me the words to say, He gives me things to write about, and I am just an instrument.

I've heard a few things from my sister about some of my posts but if I never hear anything from anyone about it again, it really doesn't matter because it's not about me or anyone else. It's about my relationship with God.

My bible class is another example- It's God's class and I try to follow His directions as closely as I know how. I may never know what kind of impact I have on those children- hopefully its a good impact if any- and that's okay. I only need to worry about following God's leading in the class and letting Him work. If I've done that, I'm a success. 

Knitting is a non spiritual example- for me it's a blessed pursuit, given to me by God. It's something I keep to myself but pursue passionately.

I think, as I attempt to bring this to a conclusion, that learning of myself has enabled me to yield control, yielding control has liberated me, and my liberation has helped me find satisfaction in the things my hand findeth to do.

(1) Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which

are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of

meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be

tempted.

(2) Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law

of Christ.

(3) For if a man think himself to be something, when

he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.

(4) But let every man prove his own work, and then

shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in

another.

(5) For every man shall bear his own burden.

Galatians 6:1-5

I just want to focus on verse 4 but I needed to establish the context of the passage- The work God gives each one of us is our own burden and proving the work gives us rejoicing.
My bible class, for example, is a good burden that is mine to bear. I love those children, I want the best for them, I want them to love God and His Word. Those are my burdens that I must bear and I must prove my own work in them. Teaching those children gives me joy- it's not that my pastor or the parents, or anyone appreciates that I teach them- it's that I'm doing God's will God's way.

The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own

ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from

himself.

Proverbs 14:14

This is an incredible verse that says so much. It's interesting how you can do everything your way and not be satisfied. A good man shall be satisfied from himself, not because he does everything his own way, but because he does it God's way.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD:

and he delighteth in his way.

Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down:

for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.

Psalm 37:23&24