Close to God

One of the traps we fall into as more mature Christians is thinking that we're close to God because we read our bible, pray every day, fast occasionally, go to church for every service, and generally avoid all appearance of evil.
Those are all good things, no question about it, but I'm realizing more and more that those things don't necessarily bring you close to God.
Have you ever been at some sort of a function and eaten whatever you wanted to to your hearts content? Burger, fries, pizza, baked potatoes, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, lasagna, washing it down with punch, and pop before downing ice cream cake, chocolate cake, cupcakes, cookies, donuts, and a sundae.
On the occasions I have allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted to I've felt incredibly fat and gross after. While all those things sound delicious and are delicious, you can generally only really enjoy them one at a time and in a moderate dose. You have to enjoy them properly.
I am relating eating all that 'good' stuff to doing all that 'good' (reading, praying, church going etc...) stuff in my life because I feel spiritually 'fat' afterwards but I am not nourished or any closer to God for them.

You wake up early on a Sunday, do your devotions, pray for the upcoming service, you put your best clothes on to go to the house of the Lord, you teach, you help out, you sing, you listen and learn, you stay late and fellowship and you feel all good about yourself but when you go home and really think about it, you're not much better off than you were while you were sleeping on Saturday night.
What did you really do by doing all that, who were you serving, who was it for? Did God really get the glory in it?
For me, and I'm willing to bet most christian's I know and fellowship with, I do those things because I like to, I enjoy it, it's part of my being.
I grew up going to church because my parents went to church and I had no choice. Now that I am an adult, I have my own relationship with Jesus and I go to church because its part of a healthy relationship with God, I love church, and I need church. Between growing up in church and choosing to continue to go now, I can say that going to church is who I am- it is apart of me and not being able to go would leave a very big hole in my life.
It's the same as reading my bible and studying it- it's part of who I am.
So if it's part of who I am, what I enjoy doing, is it really glorifying God? Is it really bringing me closer to Him?

What I have come to realize is that maintaining real and deep closeness to the Lord  empties you- it requires sacrifice. It's like being lean but fit.

And Ornan said unto David, Take it to

thee, and let my lord the king do that which

is good in his eyes: lo, I give thee the oxen

also for burnt offerings, and the threshing

instruments for wood, and the wheat for the

meat offering; I give it all.

And king David said to Ornan, nay; but I 

will verily buy it for the full price: for I will not

take that which is thine for the LORD, nor

offer burnt offerings without cost.

So David gave to Ornan for the place six

hundred shekels of gold by weight.

1 Chronicles 21:23-35

David wants to buy a threshing floor from Ornan to sacrifice to the Lord and Ornan tells him he will give him the threshing floor and the oxen for the sacrifice. David declines because it's not a true sacrifice to the Lord if it does not cost the one who is sacrificing anything.

And Elijah took twelve stones, according

to the number of the tribes of the sons of

Jacob, unto whom the word of the LORD

came, saying, Israel shall be thy name:

And with the stones he built an altar in

the name of the LORD: and he made a

trench about the altar, as great as would

contain two measures of see.

And he put the wood in order, and cut the

bullock in pieces, and laid him on the wood,

and said, fill four barrels with water, and

pour it on the burnt sacrifice, and on the

wood.

And he said, Do it the second time. And

they did it the second time. And he said, Do

it the third time. And they did it the third time.

And the water ran round the altar;

and he filled the trench also with water.

1 Kings 18:31-35

This takes place during a grievous drought; in a test to see which god is the true God, Elijah pours over the sacrifice the most precious commodity in the land- water. If you don't know the end of the account-

Then the fire of the LORD fell, and

consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood,

and the stones, and the dust, and licked up

the water that was in the trench.

And when all the people saw it, they fell

on their faces: and they said, The LORD, he is

the God; the LORD, he is the God.

1 Kings 18:38&39

Almost immediately after, there fell a 'great rain'. 

In both the accounts above it is evident that the Lord responds to real sacrifice and real sacrifice means that there is a cost involved- in David's case, money, in Elijah's case, water. 

I can say really easily that going to church, getting involved, reading my bible, praying, sometimes even fasting are easy for me to do. I have done all those things for years and they have become part of who I am- I am God's child, these are the things His children do if they want to be in fellowship with Him. However, being close to God requires sacrifice and while those things listed are good and edifying, oftentimes they do not require sacrifice.

My pastor spoke about rest in his Sunday morning sermon and he mentioned that that night (we don't have evening service one Sunday a month) he didn't intend to pick up his bible and read it.

I began to think about that and wonder if maybe I feel like I need to read the bible a lot because I'm trying to feel close to God. While he preached I found myself shamefully wondering if my constant need to read another chapter or get off alone to pray was a way for me to compensate for not being close to God.

God teaches me a lot, He's teaching me a lot right now, He's answering a lot of questions I have- which I will share eventually. But knowledge isn't evidence of closeness. Fellowship is not evidence of closeness. There are people in my church who I fellowship with, I love, I help but I am not close to them. That's fine, you can't be close to everybody but you should fellowship and be close to God.

I've been a Christian for years and I know what to do to be a 'good' christian. What I realized is that I want to be close to God but retain all my creature comforts. In other words, I don't want to sacrifice the things that make my flesh happy to be close to God. In other other words, I'm happy to do the easy things to be in fellowship with God but I am unwilling to make the little everyday sacrifices to walk closely with him.
I am unwilling to sacrifice my will for God's will.

On Youtube, for example, I was watching a Pokemon Go vlog because I'm not going to play the game but I was very curious about it. Of course I got hooked on the vlog and I had to watch the newest one every day. The videos averaged 15 minutes or so, there's no cussing in them, no graphic images, there is some blasphemy but not a lot, I really enjoyed them but I was under constant conviction that I should not watch them. Every time I would watch one I would think to myself that it's okay, I'm just taking a little break, this is harmless- except, God didn't want me to watch them.
At the end of the day it doesn't really matter why I shouldn't watch them and frankly I don't care why. It might seem like a trifle to others but it was preventing me from being close to God. It's not like I can apologize for watching it one day and then watch it the next day. It's either the vlog or my relationship with God. So I stopped watching it. It's not a big sacrifice or anything but it's me, sacrificing my will to God. I still want to watch them but I don't, that vlog is not worth my relationship with God.
Don't shake your head like these little things don't matter. If you obey in the small things, God will trust you with bigger things. If you're stuck in a rut in your Christian life, if you don't seem to be moving forward or being taught anything it's because you haven't done anything with what God has already put in front of you. As soon as I made up my mind just to stop watching, God taught me all this.
I know that is a silly, small example but it's the very thing that I am talking about in this post. The little everyday choices we make that either bring us close to God or take us away from Him.
Driving is another example- the speed limit is the law. Is your relationship with God really worth speeding? I like driving fast but my willingness to obey the speed limit is another small, everyday thing that will really show God whether you are serving yourself or serving Him.

The last time I fasted I tried to go for longer than I've ever fasted before (which is not that long by the way) and it was not easy at all. In those extra hours I fasted and it became a real sacrifice to refrain from eating, I finally learned that it's real sacrifice that draws you close to God.

Cry aloud, spare not, lift up thy voice like a

trumpet, and shew my people their 

transgression, and the house of Jacob their sins.

Yet they seek me daily, and delight to know

my ways, as a nation that did righteousness,

and forsook not the ordinance of their God:

they ask of me the ordinances of justice;

they take delight in approaching to God.

Wherefore have we fasted, say they, and

thou seest not? wherefore have we afflicted

our soul, and thou takest no knowledge?

Behold, in the day of your fast ye find

pleasure, and exact all your labours.

Behold, ye fast for strife and debate, and

to smite with the fist of wickedness: ye shall

not fast as ye do this day, to make your voice 

to be heard on high.

Is it such a fast that I have chosen? a day

for a man to afflict his soul? is it to bow

down his head as a bulrush, and to spread

sackcloth and ashes under him? wilt thou

call this a fast, and an acceptable day unto the

LORD?

Isaiah 58:1-5

The purpose of fasting is to starve your flesh and feed your spirit. Eating is a primal need, it's what keeps our physical bodies going and abstaining from that shows our flesh that it is inherently wicked, it needs to stave, it needs to die but we are stuck in it until our souls are called Home (Romans 8).

In the above passage, the people are fasting but to their own ends. They are not fasting to afflict their souls, bow down their heads, and mourn therefore God does not hear them, He does not regard their fasting, it's as if they're not fasting.
I am not saying God does not regard my going to church, reading, praying, fasting, etc. The fact is, that those things serve me as much as they are evidence of my serving God. It is no thing to me to go to church three times a week. I love the fellowship, singing hymns, I really love preaching, I love praying, I just love church. My going to church is not evidence that I am close to God- it may be to the world but I know it is not for me. My going to church is not a sacrifice for me. It is good, well pleasing to the Lord, but choosing to put on the breaks to go from 61 to 60 when the speed limit is 60 is a far greater token of my desire to be close to God. What's the point of going to church if I'm going to break the law all the way there?

If thou turn away thy foot from the

sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy

day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy

of the LORD, and honourable; and shalt honour

him, not doing thine own way, nor finding

thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own

words:

Then shalt thou delight thyself in the

LORD; and I will cause thee to ride upon the

high places of the earth, and feed thee with

the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the

mouth of the LORD hath spoken it.

Isaiah 58:13&14

(side note, Isaiah 58 is a great chapter to read before or during a fast)

So though I do get up early and study, I take time to go to church and take steps to be involved in it, those things, while good, edifying, and fruitful do not necessarily bring me closer to God. 

The things that bring me closer to God are doing His way, finding His pleasure, and speaking His words in the little things that no one notices. God knows and He'll reward you for it up in Heaven.

It has only been a few days since I've really learned this but I've already noticed a greater peace and more security in knowing that I'm doing right.
I used to go through my whole day almost worrying that I wasn't in God's will and walking close to Him because I hadn't read my bible in the last two hours. Now, I know that if I just make the right decisions every minute and let God really and truly control my day, I will be close to Him even if I go 10 hours without reading.
This will go for everything except praying (we are instructed to pray without ceasing). If we just make His decisions instead of our own, we will read when we need to (extra reading beside set devotions), fast when we need to and as long as we need to, witness the right way, and be a bigger blessing and more fruitful at church.

He must increase, but I must decrease.

John 3:30

I hope I explained this right, and that it's a blessing to you!

Flesh

I've been kept from writing for a few reasons and it's a short post I have today but the principle is one I'm sure will help everybody.

I try to be asleep between 11 and 11:30. It doesn't always work out but I'm getting to the point where going to sleep at the right time is more important than everything I can accomplish while my son is asleep.
The reason I *try* to go to sleep at 11 is that I want to get up at 7 so that I can spend a few quiet hours to myself before chasing around my three year old. I need eight hours of sleep. I will not get up at 7 if I go to bed at 1. It just won't happen. My son used to nap for 3-4 hours a day so my bedtime wasn't important. He doesn't nap at all now so I have to be more rigid in my schedule.

Going to bed at 11 and waking up at 7 is the right thing to do for me. It's not just physically good for me but spiritually. If I don't get up early and spend time with God, I won't do it the rest of the day. There's no time to. The other thing is that I am more likely to get things done, pay good attention to my son, and have the energy I need to make the right choices when I have my alone time.
I get very VERY grumpy, impatient, and volatile when I don't have my quiet time. I know that sounds spoiled and selfish.
As I've taken the time to discipline myself and manage my time wisely, I've learned that the time I spend with God in the morning is always affected by the choices I make the night before.
So first there's the discipline of going to sleep at the right time. It's not easy but I've learned the value of it.
Then there's the discipline of what I do before going to sleep.

The more fleshly I am at night, the less likely I am to get up in the morning.
The whole 'one more' thing is really detrimental to my relationship with God.
While I may be in bed by 11, I find myself getting sucked into my phone watching debates on Youtube, scrolling through Pinterest, Twitter, or just blogs and news sites I like to read. I tell myself 'one more video, one more minute, one more article' and it's never just one more and I wind up sleeping between 11:30 and 12 or later because I can't shut my mind off.
I always, without fail, end up sleeping later and it's harder for me to get up in the morning. What's more, my attitude toward getting up isn't right because I filled up on flesh the night before and it didn't go away with sleep.
I didn't fight my flesh when I was in the right position to so I pay for it dearly the next day and have to fight it off twice as hard.
I hope this is making sense.

In all this experience and learning of a very simple principle, I was reminded of a sermon I first listened to almost five years ago called Royal Blunders.
First off, it takes place in one of the most interesting passages of scripture- 1 Kings.
Second, it involves one of my favourite biblical events: reading about God surrounded by the host of heaven and deciding how to deal with wicked Ahab.
Third, and most importantly, the preacher, Dilbert Terry, talks about the snares of the flesh.

Our flesh traps us in so many ways- whether it be fatigue, laziness, deception or anything else. This sermon really taught me the value of cutting my flesh off at the pass. He talks about simple mistakes two kings- Ahab and Jehoshaphat make that we can learn from, as Christians.
It's practical knowledge and you'll definitely benefit if you listen to it.
I learned a lot from it the first time I heard it. They're principles that have shaped my thoughts and magnified my understanding of the flesh.
One of the best things he says is that whenever we give in to our flesh it fights back twice as hard the next time.
It's true. I've seen it in my own life with big things and small things.
If I give in to my flesh to stay up later than I should, it fights me twice as hard to stay in bed in the morning.

A few other things he says in it are: 'because he's a liar he listens to liars' referring to Ahab.
'Men like Joel Osteen are God's judgment on people who want the goodness of God without God.'
Tough.
'What God has separated let no man put together'.
You can't truly love God without hating what He hates.

I listened to the sermon again today to refresh my memories of it. It's interesting how I was once eating it up because I needed the food it provided so badly and now I've eaten it, digested it, and it's part of who I am.

You see, the more you work on your relationship with God, the more you say 'yes' to Him and 'no' to your flesh, the less leeway you have to sin.
It's no longer worth it to me to watch a questionable TV show because it puts bad things in my mind and separates me from God. I feel that separation too keenly and I don't like it. My husband and I are clearing out all our questionable movies and we'll likely go through our books again. We just want to be close to God.

So if you're having trouble making time for God, I suggest you look at the things you are surrounding yourself by. What sins, no matter how small, do you allow yourself?

Sin never leave you better than it finds you (Gary Boyatt).
Remember that.

Not So Social Media

I've been writing this post over the last few days, rereading, editing, forbearing publishing because the Lord has been working on my heart about it.
This morning as I prayed about this blog and my ministry here I realized that it's time to delete the Instagram account for this page. I'm actually not sorry to let it go, I find the 'culture' of Instagram to be rather unfriendly- even amongst believers. I would, however, like to say thank you to some of my supporters during my four month time as @biblebelievingpreaching. I met some great, God fearing people and I'm thankful for that at least. It is time to say goodbye though, God is not a supporter of me on Instagram, no matter what I've posted.
This whole cleansing myself of Instagram started about a month ago when I submitted to a suggestion of the Lord to delete my main Instagram account. I had that particular account for about four years. It was the account I would use to follow everyone I knew and then some. I allowed anyone I knew to follow me and I would use it to interact with people once I had left Facebook. After making the decision to leave Instagram I posted a 'I'm deleting this account' picture and deleted the account first thing the next morning.
(I must admit that I still have one Instagram account that I use at the request of my sister-in-law. I post multiple pictures and videos of my son for her and my mother-in-law every day. One lives in California and the other in Oregon so we do not get to see them often. I do not follow anyone except them and I will never allow anyone but immediate family members follow me on this account)

Deleting my main Instagram account meant that I am basically social media free (I have a twitter account that I hardly go on and I don't follow anyone I know except my husband and father). My husband and I both purged ourselves of Facebook in January of this year and we're very happy we did.

The one downside to getting rid of social media is, of course, the ties you cut- some permanently. I have many relatives in the Philippines that I would not have gotten to know as I did except through Facebook and Instagram. I have co-workers who I was once close with who I will likely never meet or speak to again because our only source of communication has been severed (we were never that close apparently). I won't get to see when another former classmate gets married, has children, or does something amazing. These things do make me a little sad but I've come to realize that on social media, the bad outweigh the good.

Please note: I am not writing a new, unheard of epiphany. I'm pretty sure everything I write here has been said by countless people before me. I am recounting my own experience on social media based on my personality, outlook, beliefs, and the way God deals with me. You, as a different person with different dealings, and different strengths may not agree with anything I say. If social media is a blessed endeavor of yours, I am happy for you. Please do not think I have anything against people who use social media.

I do not believe God would like me to leave off interacting on Instagram and Facebook because of sin. I know that there is always sin involved and temptations I would not otherwise have, but I do not believe it was a great source of sin for me. I do believe He suggested I delete it so that I could be closer to Him. I know I could have kept the account and been okay with the Lord, however, I know our relationship would not be what it could be. I know a few people who have Facebook and Instagram and it does not affect them like it did me, I certainly won't judge or fault anyone for being on social media.

All things are lawful unto me, but all

things are not expedient: all things are

lawful for me, but I will not be brought

under the power of any.

1 Corinthians 6:12

All things are lawful for me, but all

things are not expedient: all things are

lawful for me, but all things edify not.

1 Corinthians 10:23

I do not believe social media is sinful but I believe it does us more harm than good.

Looking back over my entire experience with interactive internet sites and apps kind of depresses me.
In high school I had MSN Messenger and and Asian Avenue page. MSN was a huge time waster, it led to a lot of stupidity, and some of the worst pain I went through growing up happened on MSN. Asian Avenue made me feel more isolated then ever and people used it to bully me very badly. I was well rid of them when the time came and I am well rid of Facebook and Instagram now.

One of the biggest reasons I believe God had me leave Facebook and Instagram was that they were hindering my relationships with others.
Ironic isn't it?
For one thing I felt I could not be myself on those accounts. When I think about the root of this feeling I come to the conclusion that I was uncomfortable with most of the people I allowed to follow me/were friends with. Maybe I doubted their sincerity or loyalty, maybe I thought my posts were unworthy, I don't know, but I do know that I cared about what certain people thought and it effected what I posted and what I said about my posts. This just made me sad and a little bitter. Since I don't have anything to post anything on, I'm not bothered by these things anymore. I feel very free and confident in who I am with the people I surround myself by.
Another thing was I felt like I did not have real friends. While most of the people who followed me were my friends (or had once been my friends) I hated that I was being followed so people could 'see' what was going on with me. If you are my friend then be my friend. I don't want to use social media as a medium for friendship. It's like my son eating the frosting off a cupcake and leaving the actual cake. He eats all the extra good stuff but leaves the substance. People who really care will show their concern by being physically present- not clicking a button or typing out some words. That goes the same for me- I have to hold myself accountable to be a true friend.
Something else that hindered my relationships was that I felt like I was being told stories that were not entirely true. I only had to spend five minutes with one family to see that the whole story they were projecting on Fakebook was not reality. Lots of people post pictures like 'look what I have, look what my child has, look how happy we are, look what we're doing, eating, seeing, being'. That did not help any of my friendships at all. Often it made me feel inferior to people and it made me want more of those things for myself. It was especially difficult when I'd see families doing fun things together while my husband spent the entire summer working. Envy, ingratitude, covetousness, would rise up in me more often than not. Covetousness is my besetting sin, I have to stay away from everything that causes it in me.
Last thing- other people's opinions. While I agree, we all have the right to our own opinion and beliefs, I don't care to hear or see anything that is not true, especially regarding God, the Bible, and world events. A blog like this is one thing- you don't have to come here if you don't want to. On Facebook or Instagram, it can cause real trouble to block/unfriend/unfollow someone who continually posts things that hurt/alarm/irritate/anger you. One 'friend' on Facebook shared an article that had ten reasons why the writer didn't want children. I whole heartedly disagreed with everything she said but I could read it and not mind that it was posted because it had nothing to do with truth- just selfishness (and it was interesting to read about how people who don't want children think.)
On the other hand, I had a friend, for example, who supports the Palestinians. I, obviously, do not. She would post copious outdated videos, slanted articles, and her own opinions based on lies propagated by liberal media. As much as I loved her, this made me angry at her and I wound up unfollowing her on Facebook. I do care about her and want to know what's going on with her but my feelings on that situation are so strong I will not allow the other side in front of my eyes. Call that closed minded if you want but remember who God's people are.
I have relatives that hate God. While I love them and pray for them, I hated seeing their anti-God articles, blasphemous posts, and hate speeches in my news feed. I can't change that they hate God, but I  will not tolerate seeing satanic garbage on my phone/ipad/computer in my own home where God is the Master.

A few more things-
Last month one of my family members said that she was frustrated that many of our family members are friends with her on Facebook but never interact with her. She said most of them never like her pictures, wish her a happy birthday or anything. I'm sure it's not intentionally malicious or anything, maybe they don't see her posts or never scroll through their news feed. Whatever the reason, it bugs her. I'm sure it colours her opinions of people at family reunions and puts a damper on those relationships.
I don't have Facebook, so it can't bug me or hinder my relationships.
A few weeks ago yet another family member told me that while scrolling through her feed she noticed that one of her neighbors had a party. As she looked through the pictures she noticed that all her neighbors had been invited except her and her family. That's terrible. Personally, I would have a hard time working through that and having grace with that person.
All these things make me very glad I left off interacting on social media. I'd rather not know I'm being left out.

Back to these verses:

All things are lawful unto me, but all

things are not expedient: all things are

lawful for me, but I will not be brought

under the power of any.

1 Corinthians 6:12

Instagram and Facebook are all well and good and available for us- with God's blessing. However, if you find yourself being brought under its power, you'd best get off.

Being brought under the power of social media includes but it not limited to:

-Putting it before God

-Spending too much time on it

-Wanting to go on it during inappropriate times- at church, dinner, during a conversation, etc.

-Feeling the need to 'creep' on other people's pages

-Finding your feelings towards certain people changing because of their posts

-Becoming 'obsessed' with certain people

-Feeling bound to 'follow' someone based on your relationship with them even though they post inappropriate things you'd rather not see

-Finding yourself gossiping about the posts you read
-Finding yourself judging other people for things you have no business knowing
-Being effected by other people's posts to the point you feel dissatisfied with your life
Beware: if it is controlling you, you are under it's power.

All things are lawful for me, but all

things are not expedient: all things are

lawful for me, but all things edify not.

1 Corinthians 10:23

Most of this post is dedicated to how social media does not edify. I'll summarize them for you:
-Seeing/reading posts/memes/pictures that are inappropriate and ungodly
-stirring up covetousness, anger, or envy
-preventing you from having real relationships with others
-general time wasting
-needing lots of 'likes' to feel validated
-yet another place try and keep a good testimony

This is just my experience on Facebook and Instagram. Maybe you have another, totally opposite experience. I'm glad for you, I really am.
If you sort of see my point but aren't totally convinced one way or another, get off social media for a few days and see what that does for you. If you miss it terribly and you're itching to get back, you are under it's power.

I hope this was a help to you in some way.