The advice was great.
It's really lovely to hear advice from women who are determined to make their marriages work- not for pride, security, or money- but for the love of God and His glory.
The other thing is that as women we need to encourage each other. My sister spoke about it yesterday- the things we do are not easy. As close as we are to our husbands they will never really understand what it is like to be a woman and all those things that womanhood, motherhood, wifehood entail. We just need to be there for each other, encourage each other, and strengthen each other in the Lord.
Everyone had great advice. It was great because God gave it to them, they use it, and it's helped their marriages. It's real. This kind of thing has to be passed along. I didn't get everything down and I certainly did not do the spirit of the gathering justice. The following are the notes I took with my comments in italic.
I loved her advice because it was all about having fun with each other. It's not just the sweet things but also things you wouldn't want anyone else to hear. Own the intimacy you have with your husband. It's a God given freedom to be celebrated, not quenched. You should have as much fun (if not more) with it the longer you're married.
- Proverbs 13:10- Only by pride cometh contention.
When a fight happens usually one of you- or both- are in pride. If it's you just let it go.
Proverbs 17:14- Leave off contention before it be meddled with
-don't say anything that may turn into a fight. Leave the small issues
-Pick your battles wisely
For example: I'd rather my husband smoked then didn't pay any attention to his son. While smoking kills you, the harm you can do our family is far more insidious.
-Communication. Just communicating your thoughts and desires makes all the difference.
This encompasses everything from your emotions, to physical desires, to every day things.
-Marriage is not just about sweet times. It's a roller coaster.
-God will see you through the hard times. Take everything to God in prayer
-Proverbs 14:1- Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
-Your husband needs encouragement. Know what he likes to hear
-Colossians 3:13- Forbearing on another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
-A good marriage is made up of two good forgivers
-Don't let things build up- bitterness will grow.
-Don't continually bring up things from the past- let them go
Even though things are said and we get hurt we need to choose to put those things away and not speak of them again. (She explained this really well but I can't remember her exact words. I hope I get the gist of it accross at least)
-Keep short accounts with each other and with God
-leave sowing and reaping to God
-Get into proper habits: pray together everyday. You need to hear yourselves pray for each other.
She mentioned that it encourages you to do right
-have the character to keep the good habits going
-Your husband needs to know you love God the most
-Be submitted to God first
-Communicate the right way with the right attitude: correct response, correct thinking, correct perspective, correct tone. How does HE perceive YOUR tone?
-You each have your own relationship with God. You will not have the same convictions. Use those differences in convictions to grow.
This was my advice to her because God has been really challenging me by my husband's and my differences lately (in a good way). Popular culture will tell you (or show you) that 'perfect couples' are completely in sync, think alike, and so on. Recently a friend of mine who has been married for close to thirty years told me that her and her husband do not think alike at all. She can never figure out what he is thinking or how he'll do something. I needed to hear that.
-It's not up to you to change him. Leave that to God.
-Remember that you love him and that your love covers every issue that comes up.
-Take time to appreciate the things about him you particularly love.
The things you love about him- especially the small things can completely change your mood. I actually want to write about all the things I love about my husband so I'll leave that until that post but one thing that brings me immediate comfort is his size. He's so tall and I love it when his strong arms envelope me. A few nights ago I was just grumpy because I was grumpy. My husband gave me a giant and very loving hug and my grumpiness went away.
-Men are not mind readers
-Don't shy away from telling him what you are thinking.
-You both need to share your thoughts
-Know how to talk to each other- you'll avoid lots of arguments this way
This is really great advice because knowing how to talk to your husband makes a huge difference. This takes a lot of control (at least for me). You don't have to bury feelings, wants, needs deep down if you know how to present them rationally to your husband in a way he'll understand and respond to.
-Pride has no place- don't hesitate to be the first to rectify the situation
If you start doing this, he'll start doing this. Choosing not to be angry, choosing to say 'it was me' changes his attitude toward you
-Forgiveness makes a huge difference
-Have family devotions
She mentioned that when a fight happened, doing devotions together was like a band aid
-Give everything to the Lord
-Ephesians 4:26-Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil.
-Proverbs 15:1- A soft answer turneth away wrath: but greivous words stir up anger.
-Have God first in your life for spiritual growth. Your husband will appreciate it
-Don't speak badly about your husband- no complaining about him
-Before you're married choose someone trustworthy that you can go to if you are having a serious problem in your marriage.
Well there you have it. I hope this was encouragement and/or help to you! It certainly has helped me.
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