My Momma

I realize it's early for a Mother's Day post but I'm working on a lot of mother's day things so I've got it on the brain.

My mother isn't someone I mention a lot on this blog simply because I have a complicated relationship with her. We've never been close but we share a love for Christ and the Bible. She is my mother and I love her. I've learned a lot from her. Whatever history there is between us, there will always be bits and pieces of her in me.

If someone were to ask me the thing I remember most about my mom from childhood I would have to say that it is seeing her on our living room couch with her bible out, listening to one of her favourite preachers.
I don't remember what I thought about it back then. I would wonder why someone would go out of their way to listen to sermons- don't we do that twice on Sunday's and once on Wednesdays? I have to laugh that I do the same thing now as an adult. It's not just me, though, my sister and brother do the same. Granted, I don't sit still and listen to sermons- I put them on while cleaning or knitting or watching my son play outside.
I'm not sure it's 100% my mom's influence but seeing her seek God in this way for years and years obviously did us some good.
I have to clarify though- listening to preaching does not replace personal devotions and study.
I've learned this from experience: you can only take in so much. If you listen to three sermons in a day, each one a completely different topic, you won't grow. If all the sermons you listen to are full of good preaching- you will get bogged down with too many things to work on. You'll learn a lot but you won't be able to do anything about it. I've realized that when God teaches us He focuses on one area we need to grow. Picking sermons to listen to takes as much Holy Spirit discernment as choosing what book of the Bible to study next.
I listen to one sermon a day at most and sometimes not at all. The interesting thing is, the preaching I listen to online usually coincides with my personal devotions and often ties into what my pastor is teaching/preaching about at church. It directly deals with what God is working on in me. Only the Holy Spirit can do that.
I will say that teaching is something you can take in a lot of. I used to work at a place where I could listen to my ipod for eight hours if I wanted to. I was listen to sermons but I began to feel really heavy. The Holy Spirit told me to look for teaching so I found hundreds of seminars on creation and evolution, I found debates (which I had to stop listening to- they made me too aggressive), I did studies on bible versions, I did topical studies, and more. I would still listen to sermons but balancing them with teaching helped keep me from getting bogged down.
In everything there must be a balance:

A false balance is abomination to the

Lord: but a just weight is His delight.

Proverbs 11:1

My pastor talks a lot about head knowledge- it's not a bad thing but if we're not walking close to God, maintaining a good relationship with Him, and seeking to save the lost then all the knowledge we have about the bible doesn't matter. 

The other thing about my mom that I recall quite clearly from my childhood is how she would spend sunny Saturdays in the garden.
She just loves flowers and gardens and you know what? I just love them too. Her favourite flowers are roses. Well, mine are roses too- especially the little white ones.
I used to watch her on her knees in the dirt, weeding, clipping, and planting for hours. She would go to plant shows, nurseries, and could talk about plants for hours. I would always wonder at it and think that that would never interest me.
I know the Lord is laughing right now because I'm always outside nowadays, deadheading, clipping, strolling though my garden, checking on growth, wondering what else to grow, propagating and so on.
I think what I love the most about the garden is how much Bible I see in it every day.
I don't think dandelions have ever irritated me as much as they have this year (because I actually have a lawn this year). I'm really not trying to be corny but they always remind me of sin.
They look okay from a distance but up close they're ugly, they stink, they have thick deep roots that make them hard to pull out, then they have these neat seeds that are cool to blow on but then you've got more hideous, hard to get rid of dandelions.  Not only that- they grow fast and they don't seem to need fertilizer, water or anything. BAH! Does that not remind of you sin?
I have this hilarious apricot tree in the back yard and a darling pear tree (if you've ever seen a pear tree you know why it's darling). We just noticed that there is a branch of the pear tree growing out of the apricot tree. It's not the exact same but Paul talks about grafting in Romans 11.
I have some flowers just about to bloom- last week we had a few really sunny, hot days followed by two cloudy days. They were about eight inches tall during the sunny days but after a few days of clouds, spitting rain, and cold winds they had more than doubled in height. It's funny because I was at a ladies conference where the speaker mentioned that we need shadowy, cloudy days to grow. The darkness is when we draw closer to God and when we can exercise our faith. No matter the trial, if we pass or fail, as long as we use it for the better and make the right decisions with what we learned, we will grow.
I really could go on but I won't. Suffice it to say, no matter why I love gardening and flowers, it is a good, edifying, pure thing that I associate with my mother.

I am very grateful for my mom. God gave me a mom and allowed me to grow up with her. Not everyone has that. I am the most grateful for her prayers. I know her prayers have carried her children through and though we have wandered, we always come back to our love of the Saviour.

Grateful

Gratitude is becoming an endangered species. It is one of the things consumerism has done to the world. We have and are not grateful because we can buy it of our own hand and get more if needed.
There are two big things I want. One of things thing money can buy, the other one can only be given.
The thing money can buy is a house. A nice house, not too big, with a good size yard- for a garden and for my son, in a nice area so I can go for runs every morning or evening. This desire has been on my mind lately because we almost had the opportunity to move but it was taken away from us.
Today in my bible reading I came across this story:

1 Samuel 8

Starting in verse 4- Then all the elders of Israel gathered

themselves together, and came to Samuel

unto Ramah,

And said unto him, Behold, thou art old,

and thy sons walk not in thy ways: now

make us a king to judge us like all the

nations.

But the thing displeased Samuel, when

they said, Give us a king to judge us. And

Samuel prayed unto the LORD.

And the LORD said unto Samuel, hearken

unto the voice of the people in all that they

 say unto thee: for they have not rejected

thee, but they have rejected me, that I

should not reign over them.

skipping to verse 9- Now therefore hearken unto

their voice: howbeit yet protest solemnly unto them,

and shew them the manner of the king that

shall reign over them.

And Samuel told all the words of the

LORD unto the people that asked of him a

king.

And he said, This will be the manner of

the king that shall reign over you: He will

take your sons, and appoint them for

himself, for his chariots, and to be his

horsemen; and some shall run before

his chariots.

ANd he will appoint him captains over

thousands, and captains over fifties; and

will set them to ear his ground, and to reap

his harvest, and to make his instruments of

war, and instruments of his chariots.

And he will take your daughters to be

confectionaries, and to be cooks, and to be

bakers,

and he will take your fields, and your

vineyards, and your oliveyards, even

the best of them, and give them to his

servants.

And he will take the tenth of your seed,

and of your vineyards, and give to his

officers, and to his servants.

And he will take your menservants, and

your maidservants, and your goodliest

young men, and your asses, and put them 

to his work.

He will take the tenth of your sheep; and

ye shall be his servants.

And ye shall cry out in that day because

of your king which ye shall have chosen

you; and the LORD will not hear you in that

day.

This account struck me as I read it.

I wonder if this is like my husband and myself. We have a nice apartment- the ceilings are high, two bathrooms, a nice big kitchen, a big balcony that gets lots of sun, all for $1000 a month. The only thing is we live in a not so nice neighborhood and other tenants are really loud at night. Even so, we have a decent situation right now, by stretching our hands out to get a house by any (reasonable) means, are we rejecting God's will?

After everything Samuel tells the Israelites about the King that would be appointed, what do they say-

Nevertheless the people refused to obey

the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay;

but we will have a king over us;

That we also may be like all the nations;

and that our king may judge us, and go out

before us, and fight our battles.

And Samuel heard all the words of the

people, and he rehearsed them in the ears

of the LORD.

And the LORD said to Samuel, Hearken

unto their voice, and make them a king.

And Samuel said unto the men of Israel, Go

ye everyman unto his city.

1 Samuel 19-22

To the children of Israel, having a king was worth everything he'd take from them.

I wonder if that is like us sometimes. We want something so terribly we'd do anything to get it, no matter how much trouble it causes us.

I look at our life in our little apartment: I have many comforts others don't and I still want more. The troubles I have with apartment living would be magnified in a house but I still feel I'd gladly take the troubles and the house if we could manage it.
I'm not willing to speculate 'what if' the children of Israel had continued on under God's style of governance. I do know, that the trouble they ran into under Saul would not have happened.
So for now I must be patient and grateful.
Grateful for my big kitchen, two washrooms, and my sweet little balcony garden. Grateful I don't have an entire house to clean, I don't have to worry about my son falling down the stairs, and I don't have to worry about making sure three different doors and all the windows are closed when we go out. I am grateful we only pay rent, not repairs, maintenance, and pest control. I am grateful it's easy for my son to make friends in the playground because there are lots of children in the complex we see often.
I'm not a 'think positively' kind of person but thinking practically has helped me with this.

The other thing I want is another baby. I'd love a little girl but I'll take what I can get.
It's something I've sought the Lord over, wept uncontrollably about, fasted and prayed about, done a whole bunch of things that 'help' with these matters but I have not carried a baby to term.
I can think about it calmly now because through all my prayers and studies God has reassured me concerning this matter.
I was out with my son and husband the other day and as I watched them I realized something: how blessed we are to have each other. Right now I can focus on my precious son. Michael and I can love on him like nothing else. We can enjoy him thoroughly because our attention is not divided from him.
This is a time to be grateful for. This is a time of (relative) calmness that we can enjoy.
When, and if, the Lord grants us another baby, our lives will change even more and the steadiness we know now will vanish in a second.
When, and if, the Lord grants us another baby, it will be in His own time when He knows it is right.

There is no wisdom nor understanding

nor counsel against the Lord.

Proverbs 21:30

We have no idea of the troubles God is keeping us from by not giving us the things we think we want/need. By allowing Him to take the reins and be in control, you are saving yourself from a lot of unnecessary problems. It is not always easy to let these things go but but God is so good. While He guides us and teaches us He gives us the tools to grow, and patience to learn.  While I can easily write about things now, it was a process to get me to the place where I could face them with equanimity. God will help you if you surrender to His will. You will be blessed all the more for it.

All the way my saviour leads me,

What have I to ask beside?

Can I doubt His tender mercy,

Who through life has been my Guide?

Heav'nly peace, divinest comfort,

Here by faith in Him to dwell!

For I know, whate'er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well;

For I know, whate'er befall me,

Jesus doeth all things well.

All the Way My Saviour Leads Me- Frances Crosby

Let Us Reason with Four Year Olds

The other day while at the playground I was pushing my son on the swing.
On the swing next to us was a little boy, probably four years old, being pushed by his grandmother. I guess they had been using the swing for a while because the grandmother started to say, 'it's time to get off the swing' every few moments.
Each time, her grandson would decisively shake his head and say 'no!'
Well, this went on for a while and eventually the grandmother started to say things like, 'we've been on here a long time. Other kids want to swing. We need to share,'
Still, the child would not yield.
Then she started to say, 'sharing is caring,'
Yeah, that didn't work either.
She kept saying, 'sharing is caring' but finally she stopped pushing him and knelt down in front of him.
I did not catch everything she said. I did catch a lot of it, though, and what she was doing was negotiating with the boy.
The boy couldn't care less that he was being selfish and disobedient. He had no desire to 'share'- it wouldn't do him any good to see another child on the swing.
His grandmother knelt there talking to him about the need to share for a good five minutes. Finally she resorted to bribery-
'We can play here all day if you want to. If you get off now, you can play on it later on,' and so on.
I'm not sure what she said to make him get off but he finally did, and happily.

Frankly, that was a terrible display of authority.

First off, the boy clearly has no fear in him.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom:

Psalm 111:10a, Proverbs 9:10a

There is such thing as healthy fear. The fear of God is the best fear anyone can have.
No, it's not God's fear, it is knowing exactly who God is, what He is capable of, and realizing that He will render to every man according to his work.
In other words- you transgress, you will be punished.
I expect my two year old to obey me. I know he won't always obey right away and with the right heart. I know he will do stupid things that are difficult for me to change because he isn't speaking much yet. However, my expectation that he must obey me is not unreasonable and not impossible.
From a young age we have taught our son that disobedience brings discipline.
One of the biggest things, to my husband and I, is that our son comes to us when we call him.
For a long time we would call his name and tell him to come but he would just stand there or continue with what he was doing.
One day, after the first time I called him, he did not listen so I immediately stood up and went to get him myself.
I disciplined him in love and, even though he's not perfect at it, more often then not he comes when we call him.
Think it's ridiculous for me to discipline a two year old for not obeying?
What if, one day, he's running straight toward a busy street, or a wall he can fall off of and I'm too far away to physically stop him? Being able to call his name and tell him to stop knowing he'll obey is a huge relief and blessing in that situation.
Training him early, during ordinary days, when it's not a matter of life and death will make a huge difference when it is.
The earlier you teach them that sin has repercussions, the easier, safer, happier it is later on.

Happy is the man that feareth alway;

Proverbs 28:14a

We do not think of fear bringing happiness, but the fear of the Lord can and will.

I am so happy when my son obeys me, and my happiness effects him and he becomes happy.

 A happy child knows what to do and that they are doing right. Training a child to fear authority gives them security and confidence.

By mercy and truth iniquity is purged:

and by the fear of the Lord men depart

from evil.

Proverbs 16:6

Secondly, that grandmother had no sense of authority.

Children, obey your parents

in the Lord: for this is right.

Ephesians 6:1

That grandmother was reasoning with a four year old.
Reasoning.
With a four year old.
They are very cute and sweet but logic and reason are not developed yet.
On Sunday I asked one of my students, a four year old, to join the others on the couch.
He just sat there angrily with his arms crossed.
I knelt in front of him and said, 'Am I your teacher?'
He said yes.
I asked, 'Are you supposed to obey your teacher?'
He said yes.
I said, 'will you please sit on the couch?'
And he complied.
I've watched his mother kneel in front of him to tell him that I am his teacher and he must obey me.
She gave me the right to instruct her children.
This student's parents teach their children about authority. The children know that they must be in subjection to their parents. The parents recognize their God given task of training their children and the authority that comes with that.
Both the parents and the children know their places- parents are the authority under God, the children are to obey.
I did not have to reason with him or bribe him into obeying, I simply had to remind him of the authority I have over him during Sunday School.
God put parents in charge. Parents have the freedom to hand over that authority to grandparents, baby sitters, Sunday school teachers and so forth.
That grandmother had no authority behind her because she did not recognize that her authority is God given and right. She approached the child like he was almost her equal.
Instead of suggesting it was time to get off the swing, she should have told him it was time. Instead of continuing to push him, she should have stopped the swing. Those small thing prove authority and shows the child who is in control.

Thirdly, the child had no sense of obedience
Clearly, the child is given the right to make most of the decisions.
'Which do you want, what would you like to eat, where would you like to sit, what do you want to do,'
Learning to be decisive and make choices are good things. We let our son pick out things when we can. However, we do not let him dictate what we are going to do- especially if he is trying to get his way by throwing a fit.
As parents it's our job to lead our children in the right things to do. For example, setting an example of family devotions. I realize that it can be very tedious to a child but family devotions could be the difference in your child's decision to serve God and reject the world. It made that difference in my life.
Sometimes Bo points to the TV and wants to watch, I often say no. It probably wouldn't be a bad thing for him to watch and it may give me a few minutes to get something finished, but I do not want him thinking he can choose to watch TV and I will comply. It gives him the idea that he is in charge. He needs to recognize, even at two, that he will not control what happens. He certainly effects what happens, but what we do will be decided by mom and dad because we know best (or at least better).
Not only that, TV isn't good for you. I'd rather he play with his toys to let his imagination and creativity flourish.
Yes, he is only two and does not understand that, but I tell you, it's easy at the mall when we walk by a toy store to say 'no, we're not going inside'. Though he may not like it, he listens (a lot of the time, not every time) because he's used to being told 'no'.
I am certainly not advocating saying 'no' for 'no's sake'. I am saying, use discretion and train your children to recognize that you are in authority, you know best, and they must learn to take no as an answer even when they do not understand.
The child must also learn that there are things we must do, even when they are not fun. Those things help us grow.
For example: I love volleyball. I played it throughout high school on teams and briefly on a club. The thing is, there are a lot of things I did not enjoy about playing for organized teams:
conditioning, tedious drills, getting benched.
Conditioning is hard work, doing the same drill for an hour is boring, and getting benched is frustrating and maddening.
But you know what? those things made me grow as a player.
Had I just gotten friends together and played I would not have grown as a player as I did with a professional coach making me do the boring stuff.
Getting benched makes real athletes mad. It forces us, though, to analyze ourselves honestly and improve the weak areas of our game.
Sharing the swing would not have been fun for the boy but it would have helped him grow as a person. He may have learned to take joy in making others happy or developed the strength to be considerate. Instead, he extracted a bribe from his grandmother to ensure his happiness continued.
Did he learn anything?
Yes he did- that if you hold out long enough you can have your cake and eat it too.

Train up a child in the way

he should go: and when he is

old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

That is a wonderful promise. Put in the work now while it is time. Look well to the ways of your household (Proverbs 31), and chasten thy son while there is yet hope (Proverbs 19:18). This will give you joy in your later years and your child will rise up and call you blessed (Proverbs 31). Remember, a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame (Proverbs 29:15).

Guard your children from the world. Take care to correct their ways, with mercy, truth, and grace. God will bless your efforts and you will have an eternal reward.

Train Up a Child

I am momma to a very sweet little boy named Boaz. We call him Bo.
I'm not saying he's sweet because he's my son. I'm saying he's sweet because he is sweet.
The child makes almost everyone smile. He flirts with cashiers at the grocery store, he waves at trucks, he smiles and chats with waitresses, and he plays well with other children.

He's always been a very happy child. I was once told that it was a result of my being very calm during pregnancy. I was calm during pregnancy (maybe too calm?) but I cannot verify this statement.
I want him to retain that happiness. Life won't always be easy for him. He will, Lord willing, grow up to have responsibilities and challenges. As his mother, I want him to enjoy the time he has as a carefree child.

Here are a few things I do to make sure my son is happy and content:
1) Spend quality time with him- Since his birth I've learned that I need to take time, sit on the floor, and play with him. Sometimes we sit on my bed in the dark and play with flashlights or create pillow mountains to climb over. Sometimes we play with his cars, sometimes we read or do puzzles.
He knows he is loved because I give him my time. It's not just quality ten to fifteen minutes here and there. It is a few hours here and there. Quantity is just as important as quality when it comes to your child.

2) Training- If you want a confident child, train them. Boaz does not melt down when I don't do something for him right away. Why? I've trained him to wait.
If I am folding laundry or making dinner and he comes up to me wanting a drink I do not stop what I'm doing to accommodate him. I make sure he knows I've heard him but I finish the task in my hand before I help him. (I help him right away in emergencies, if you were wondering)
This encompasses every area of life- sitting still for more than a second, eating, being quiet, listening the first time- your child will be much happier when there are established rules they can be guided by.
Training starts at home. Don't wait until you're at the mall to start teaching your children what you expect from them.

3) Be consistent- sometimes I am lazy and I just want to let things go. It never ends well. My son needs me to consistently lay down the rules and correct bad behavior.

If he misbehaves in the morning and receives swift and just punishment, I usually don't have to correct him again that day.

It is never too early to teach our children about the consequences of sin. It is paramount in their path to salvation.

I've heard other parents say it- the earlier you start and the more consistent you are: the less you will need to correct their behavior as they grow. It will be trained into them.

4) Do things just for them- I always stop at construction sites so Bo can watch what's going on. He absolutely loves it.
I let him play in those mini-mall-rides because he loves it- especially the Lightning McQueen at the Walmart we go to.
I always share my dessert with him.
I say yes whenever I can.
I give him freedom to choose when I can.
When possible, I let him roam free and explore.
I take him to the park to play everyday.
I've known a lot of parents who say no for no's sake. I've seen first hand how a deprived child dives right into those forbidden things and ruins their lives in them.
Life is short and childhood is fleeting. I try to let my son fill up on the good things he loves.
A lot of being a toddler is being told 'no' and 'stop'. As adults we don't like that, our children are no different. It just creates rebellion in them. By allowing them freedom when we can, we give them an outlet for all the things we can't give them.
Most of the time, when it's time to leave the park or stop what we've been doing, he's okay with it. By now he knows that we didn't have to stop to do this or that for him. He knows that we give him these things when we can and that there will always (Lord willing) be a next time.

5) Teach them from the Bible- The fact is, we are fallible. The Bible is not. By teaching our children that we are subject to an infallible authority, we are teaching them that we are accountable for what we do as parents.
If we can show that we are ruled by the bible and are humble enough to be corrected by it, our children will learn to trust us and be more open to listening to us.

I could probably go into more things but the five above are the things to focus on when your child is young. Establishing these things early helps create a good environment for you child and makes it the 'norm' around your home.
Remember:

A happy home is the closest thing to heaven on earth.

And remember too:

Train up a child in the way he should go:

and when he is old, he will not depart from

it.

Proverbs 22:6

That there is a promise but you have to put in the work.

Don't leave it to the world, school, church, and chance to train your children.

She looketh well to the ways of her

household, and eateth not the bread of

idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her

blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth

her.

Proverbs 31:27&28

There. Right there in God's Word it tells us that if we 'look well' to what our children are doing, our children will grow up and call us blessed.

No it's not easy but it is so worth it.

Who has Taught Us?

I am very grateful I have a mother, mother-in-law, grandmothers, aunties, and other experienced moms in my life.

I know that I could have easily been lacking a mother and I appreciate the blessing of growing up with two parents and an extended family around.

What I am about to write is something I've thought about for a long time. I do not mean to be hard on women and I certainly do not want to slight any of the mothers in my life. I do want to make known a terrible disease in our world today

One of the worst things about being a young girl is the lack of truly Godly influential women to look up to. There is no biblical training.

There are things I cannot talk about to some of the women in my life because, frankly, they failed at it.

Marriage, for example, is a big thing. It is a LIFE thing. A marriage that will succeed needs to be tended to like a garden- weeds need pulling out, there must be fertilizer, watering, sowing, fruit bearing, growth, purging, and everything that comes with a healthy garden.

I do not remember once being taught about marriage.

I thought love was a feeling- what the other person makes me feel. I've since learned that true love is completely selfless.

Marriage needs working through.

I have grown so much in my marriage. I am not perfect but I know I have matured a lot.

I once tried to express some of these things to a woman in my life but I had to stop lest I offend her.

Why?

She did no such thing in her marriage. She was a continual dropping to her husband.

Our men drive us nuts sometimes, but most of those things can be processed internally and handled with grace. Most of those things can be dealt with by the Lord.

Nagging, disrespect, disobedience, turning their children against them- none of that is justified before the Lord.

It is not up to us to change our men.

It is up to God.

Fortunately, I have a sister. She, like me, is working towards a lasting and healthy marriage. We are able to talk to and encourage each other in this endeavor.

I don't understand: we train people for jobs, why can't we train people for life?

Don't our children deserve to have a fighting chance?

I think people assume the child will figure it out on their own. By God's grace, some do, but I'd say most don't.

We're brought up to be selfish- to make ourselves comfortable at the cost of others.

We're brought up to unleash our feelings and emotions despite the consequences.

We're brought up thinking we are always right- the way we do things, the way we think, and what we believe.

We are not taught to edit ourselves. We are not taught to change.

This is why marriages fail- people are selfish. We are consumed by our emotions.
A wise preacher once said that bible believers should 'live by principal and not by feeling'.
We have the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to guide us. Is it really that hard to listen?

One thing I desire is to always be close to my children. They will grow up and leave me but I pray that they will always be comfortable coming to me for guidance, comfort, help, or maybe just to talk.
I pray they will be able to trust me- that I've done what is best for them as they grew. That I stood by their father, supporting him, loving him, trusting him, respecting him, and reverencing him.
I cannot expect my children to obey me if I am not obeying God and my husband.

I just don't understand why some women make their own lives miserable by fighting against the things God put in place to keep us happy.

If you are a mother to a daughter you are blessed.

I would love to have a little girl.

I hope you are taking the time to train her.

Not just in marriage, but in life. I hope you are taking time to teach her what is important, what it is to be a lady, what it is to have honour.

Young girls need good role models. Not just at church but at home. They will not find it in the world.

They need strong women who they can go to for help. They need to know that Hollywood does not produce anything even remotely close to true love.

Young girls need to know that marriages can last if they put in the work. They need to see you do it. They need to be taught.