Good Preaching: Wive's Submission

On this blog I talk a lot about Dr. David Peacock because I listen to his sermons all the time.
He's in Florida so I listen to his morning service when I'm getting ready for church in the morning. I listen to his evening service when I get home from our church in the afternoon and I try to listen to his Wednesday service before our church's Wednesday service. He also has a question and answer time before preaching on Wednesday nights and those are always interesting to listen to too. Any sermons I miss are uploaded on Sermon Audio and I am always sure to listen to those.

David Peacock has been going through a series- since November if I recall correctly- on Christian character. It is GOOD.
At the moment he is on submission. It's not a fun topic at all but I am learning a lot from it.

Not last Sunday night but the previous one he spoke about wifely submission. It wasn't particularly groundbreaking, at least to me, but of course there were things that convicted, encouraged, and comforted me.

I thought I'd share it on here in hopes you will listen and be equally blessed by it as I was.


Here is a link to the sermon on Sermon Audio: Wive's Submission
(I highly recommend listening to the entire series on Christian Character. There are a few miniseries within it- The Judgement Seat of Christ miniseries is a must listen to.)

I hope you give that sermon a bit of your time! It's occurring to me right now that wifely submission is a topic I should tackle on this blog given that this blog is about encouraging young women like myself.

Suck It Up

So in case you haven't noticed, things have changed a lot for my family and I since the beginning of September.
We're adapting the best we can and it helps that our son is very flexible. All the changes mean he's been going to bed between nine and eleven o'clock most nights then getting up early. He's been a trooper about it. We've also been unable to attend the things we would normally attend which is kind of a bummer but it's just the reality of our situation right now.

People keep asking me how I feel about going back to work and I've been telling them that I'm still figuring out my feelings on the matter.
When it finally sunk in that I was going back to work I was absolutely wretched about it. It meant I had to leave my son and not be at home to take care of everything. As the time approached I began to be excited about the change- curious about what it would do to our family and interested to see what it would reveal about me. When work finally started, I found it very restful to be away. We were opening a brand new store which is very busy and exciting. Now that excitement of opening has died down, I find work a lot less restful and a lot more to worry about. We're having staffing issues so I'm unable to spend as much time in the backroom as I need to. There's also Christmas coming up and I hate Christmas in retail.
Part of me is pretty whiny about having to go back to work. Frankly it depresses me that I'm working again. When I left my job in January 2013, a month before I gave birth to my son, I intended never again to go to work. My 'job' would be taking care of my husband, baby, and home.
Now I'm back in a retail store, having to smile at customers, NOT looking forward to the craze of Christmas, and trying to do everything to the best I can do while many of my coworkers don't.
The fact is I don't want to work at all.
The other part of me, whenever I get complain-y in my mind, is ever there to chime in 'suck it up'. Working outside my home is not what I want but it is what is necessary right now. There are two women in my life right now that work out of necessity for their families. Every time I look at my schedule and heart drops at the hours I have to put in, I think of those two women- they do so much more than I do. We do what we have to do for our families and it does take self sacrifice. I'm very fortunate that my husband can watch my son most times and my sister is there to watch him when neither of us can (thanks so much, Aber).
I'm incredibly grateful for the women in my life and the way God points things out about them to me to give me perspective on things going on in my life. It's not a physical struggle I am going through with this. This is a mental struggle wherein I need to control my thoughts and keep my mind. The most helpful people when it comes to things going on in your mind are the people who don't really say or do anything to help you. I was down a little while ago and I was with a woman from church and she just told me about her experiences. She didn't advise me and tell me what to do. She just told me what had happened to her. It was all the strength I needed. When it comes to the ladies that are most helpful in getting my mind in the right place- they have never said anything, they just go quietly about their business serving God. They may never know what a blessing it is to me, how their sacrifices helped more than just their family. The biggest blessing about it, is that they're doing it when no one is watching, for no other reason than that its the right thing.
It is seriously the worst when people come up and give you all kinds of advice and all their 'knowledge' on things they really don't know about- because no one ever knows anything about what's going on with you. Inevitably when things are going wrong, people question whether you're in God's will or not or think you sinned so you're being punished. It makes it harder when you yourself keep asking those questions and God gives you an answer and you're sure of it. The woman who helped me on my down day told me one thing and it had nothing to do with me- 'we were right in the middle of God's will but we were struggling'. No one knows the recesses of someone else's mind. No one can know the deep dark thoughts, the questions, the tears, the struggles you go through just to get through a bad day. Yet they see small part of it at some point or another, put on the 'Holy Spirit' suit, and try to tell you what they think God wants you to hear. You. Don't. Know. You don't know the passages of scripture we read, what we pray for, the way God answers, the way God leads.
Unsolicited advice is never heeded- as I like to say and as many like to say. Just shut up and do right and you will encourage and influence the people who need it most.

And so, I am working because God put me there. The way the job came up, the way it was offered, the position I have, the experience that I have, have all clearly been designed by God.
There are three things lately that have put me in rough spots, spots I do not like, would never approve of, but God has given me the wisdom to see the good those things have done and the benefit to our family.
He always gives you the grace to do His will, and if you look at it His way instead of your own way, He'll teach you things and show you why you're there.
Over the last few weeks I've been able to spend lots of time in my backroom talking to my stock people and I've been able to share the gospel with three of them.
Going in, I knew my focus had to be winning souls and I forget where I was when this verse was read to me- either in church or a ladies bible study I've been going to:

For even the Son of man came not to be

ministered unto, but to minister, and to give

his life a ransom for many.

Mark 10:45

I'm not comparing myself to Christ and I'm not saying I'm giving my life for the people I'm working with.

When this was read to me I heard 'came not to be ministered unto, but to minister' and it occurred to me that that's why I'm working, I'm working where I'm working, and I'm working with the people I'm working with. I'm there to minister to others. 

I hope this helps you in some small way.

God Leads Us Along

One of the things I am most grateful for is the Lord's leadership.
As easily as I can say that all those that have led me have failed me in some way or another, I can say that I have failed those I have led countless times. The Lord's leadership has never failed me, His influence has never failed me, His guidance has never failed me.
Sometimes it's really simple, as in, 'eat something and you're mind will be clearer' or 'sleep on it'. And those things do make a difference- it's not always run to the Bible because often our motive for running to the bible is to prove ourselves right.
Sometimes it's more complicated and I find myself in an uncomfortable situation for the sole purpose of revealing something in me that has to go. Whether it's my fault or someone else's, my behaviour- all our behaviours- is dictated by what is inside, what our true desires are, and what we hide in our hearts.
A little while ago my husband made a mistake and it made things very uncomfortable for us. I asked him a bit about it and his answer was 'I made a mistake'. I could risk an argument or content myself with that answer so I contented myself with that answer, wondering at how such a mistake could be made. Maybe a week later I had an opportunity to do something and- wouldn't you know- I made a mistake. It cost me a whole nights sleep (not kidding) and some other things I won't mention. When I finally got some sleep and had some time to ponder the Lord gently said, 'how could you make such a mistake?' and with my own words He condemned me. My only answer could be 'I made a mistake'; there's nothing more to it than that I could not be better informed than I was but I had still judged poorly and made a mistake.
I had to smile that the INCREDIBLY merciful way God taught me that but also I had to marvel at His way of giving me my desire.
One of my desires when it comes to my husband is that I reverence him the way the Lord wants me to. It ties into these verses:

The heart of her husband doth safely

trust in her, so that he shall have no need of

spoil.

She will do him good and not evil all the

days of her life.

Proverbs 31:11-12

and

Nevertheless let everyone of you in

particular so love his wife even as himself;

and the wife see that she reverence her

husband.

Ephesians 5:33

So while my husband may not know the things that go on in my head, God does and He knows what I really truly desire and He is bringing me about to accomplish that desire even though it puts me in uncomfortable situations. 

God can and will use our mistakes for our own benefit- if we let Him.

These are those little things that show us God is real and that He cares.

I made a mistake in my own leadership recently and so my mind has been turned on to leadership. 

Though I've been hurt by leaders before, I feel more keenly now more than ever the pain a leader can bring to those that are following them.

I was recently told by someone that something had happened in their life partially because 'those who should have been there weren't'. That phrase still strikes me a month later because I am looking at someone who, though their leaders were not the culprits, was harmed by their leadership.

I've thought on my own actions along side those of certain leaders in my life and realized how sometimes my actions were dictated and taken in despair because of what that leader was (or was not) doing.

Inevitably I've really truly begun to see the gravity of leadership- especially in Spiritual matters.

The most challenging part is that the small things matter the most and make the biggest difference.

As one who is under authority I will say that the most painful thing for me is when I am trying my best, working hard, my heart is right with what I know but I happen to be erring and the leader does not say anything or treats my mistakes with contempt and ridicule. I will say that most of the time my feelings get hurt by someone else (leader or not) is when they don't deal with me directly and tell me something that I am missing. It makes me feel like they don't like me enough to tell me, they think my heart is in the wrong place, or they don't care about what I'm doing.

As one who is in authority I will say that the hardest thing for me (and probably the majority of leaders) is to see those under me doing things that hurt others and themselves and though I warn and warn and warn against it, they make no changes and have to deal with the repercussions. 

Even though our leaders hurt us and aren't always right, we are responsible for our actions.

Recently someone keeps shooting (figuratively) at me. I'm not going to lie, it really hurts. As I've pondered it, God has brought me to my own actions and my own thoughts. He's reminded me of the things I know through experience. He's shown me what those shots reveal about me.
As a man thinketh in his heart so is he and I've seen, in my criticisms of this person that I am guilty of the same things but in a different way. 

While these things are particularly painful, I see God's hand in them, strengthening me and molding me. I'm not sure this person is right in what they are doing but it's not up to me to justify or condemn them. I can only look at my reaction to it. I am trying to humble myself through it, learn from it, and maybe God will have mercy and turn it from me.

While we must be discreet in our thoughts and actions toward our leaders, the leaders must be aware that their actions and words will have an effect no matter what their motives are for the way they act.
It's obvious that mistakes happen but what will heal and build trust is the reaction toward those mistakes. Leaders with the best motives will make mistakes and I believe God is merciful and will give those leaders the chance to prove that their heart was right despite their actions.
That's not to say that the damage will not be great and take a long time to heal.
I do believe, from my experience, that if your heart is right that God will teach you in a smaller lesson than a bigger one. I think sometimes big lessons come in when you need a heart change and a behavioural change.

And back to where I began- I'm grateful for God's leadership. I'm grateful I can rely on Him to lead me exactly where I need to go and point my thoughts in the right direction. It's hard to be heavenly minded when you live in this world and are constantly bombarded by the world, the flesh, and the devil. Still, God is faithful and He will lead you to what's right.

Row Your Own Boat

"A legalist is someone who has one more conviction than you do."
"A conviction is something you will die for, everything else is a preference."
"You put your convictions on other people so they act like you and make you more comfortable."

Recently we had a missionary family come through our church and I noticed a little Star Wars Lego key chain on their daughter's purse.
I saw it and said (kindly), "Oh you like Star Wars?"
She said yes as she quickly grabbed it and explained her discomfort, "we don't talk about it in churches because some people are very against it."
I tried to restore her comfort as best I could by telling her I had just seen the new movie and telling her a joke- why did Kylo Ren cross the street? To get to the dark side (LOL!).
I can just imagine the reaction her family receives sometimes when people, who don't allow Star Wars, find out. Christians get those reactions all the time from other Christians who have different convictions- or rather, preferences.
This kind of thing used to make me angry- how dare they?- but now it just makes me sad. Why would you put up a wall between yourself and another christian just because they can watch Star Wars and you can't?
It's divisive.
This small interaction reminded me of a post that I wanted to write but had not get gotten the chance to. Sometimes the Lord gives me an idea for a post and then feeds me with food for it over the course of a few weeks or months to get me ready to write it.

I am writing today about how God deals with us all individually.
I've written before about how we can not put our convictions on others but this is a more in depth look, past convictions and into the things God has for each of us.

Last Sunday night my pastor said that he can only read small portions of scripture daily (I'm assuming this is his personal devotions and not his study for preaching) to get anything out of it. It's different for me- I have to read a lot of it of scripture daily to get anything out of it.
Does that make me more spiritual than my pastor?
No.
He's most definitely a lot more spiritual than I am, most likely pays better attention to it, and retains it better than I do.
From the way my pastor spoke of the amount of scripture he reads, I am convinced that he is satisfied that he's in the Lord's will concerning it.
I know for myself that I am in the Lord's will concerning how much scripture I read.
Which brings me to my point: God does not require the same thing from all of us.

That small example is what this post is about. I hope it is a help to you, especially if you're burdened by what other people do.

First thing first, you are accountable to God for what YOU do.

Wherefore we labour, that, whether

present or absent, we may be accepted of

him.

For we must all appear before the

judgment seat of Christ; that every one may

receive the things done in his body,

according to that he hath done, whether it

be good or bad.

2 Corinthians 5:9&10

You are judged for the things you do. You will not stand for someone else, you will stand for you.

We won't be able to say 'my husband made me' or 'my pastor told me to'. If we did it, we are responsible for it. That's not to say the people who misled us are excused but God will handle them at their own judgment. We are entirely responsible for our own relationship with God and the things done in our bodies.

So then every one of us shall give account

of himself to God.

Romans 14:12

Next, we all have our own course to run:

I have fought a good fight, I have finished

my course, I have kept the faith:

2 Timothy 4:7

Paul had his own course, given to him by God, perfectly fitted for Paul's strengths and weaknesses to bring out the best that Paul could glorify God with. That means the course he was on was for him to run and no one else.

Let me give you an example:

A relative of mine (by marriage) was staying with us for a few days. He went on my husband's computer and changed everything around. He explained that the way my husband had it set up was inconvenient and wrong so he 'fixed' it for him.

Nope, not good. I don't think I've ever seen my husband that irritated.

What this relative didn't seem to understand was that my husband had his computer a certain way for his own reasons and that it worked for him and his needs.

I know this relative did not mean harm- he wanted to be helpful- but he messed things up and caused my husband a lot of frustration and inconvenience.

This relative did what I think many of us Christians do to each other when it comes to our choices and preferences- he equated his own needs with the needs of my husband, he was his experience ahead of my husband's experience, and he was working on something that wasn't his to work on because it had absolutely nothing to do with him.
He did not save the computer from dying because it wasn't dying. The purpose of that computer was to serve my husband, not that relative. How could that relative know how that computer could best serve my husband?
We can't save saved people from going to Hell- they're already going to heaven. Their purpose is to serve God by running the course He set them on. We don't know how best they can serve God, that is between them and God.

That is not to say that a christian who avoids going to church, reading their bible, and praying is in the Lord's will. Many preachers have said this- if you want to know the Lord's will for your life, start by doing the things you know for sure are His will. In other words, read your bible and pray every day.
My pastor spoke of this today- we can dress 'right', serve in the church, avoid the appearance of evil but if our hearts are not right with God, it doesn't make any eternal difference. You'll just burn out and give up.

This people draweth nigh unto me with their

mouth, and honoureth me with their lips;

but their heart is far from me.

But in vain they do worship me, teaching

for doctrines the commandments of men.

Matthew 15:8&9

I point this out because we cannot make anyone serve God. We can get them to look like they're serving the Lord but it won't make a spec of difference in their lives. It's different for children, by the way, I'm talking about grown christians.

Look to yourselves, that we lose not those

things which we have wrought, but that we

receive a full reward.

2 John 8

Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12 talk about spiritual gifts and- big surprise- they're all different.
This is why the bible says look to yourselves. We're all different- different strengths, different weaknesses, different experiences, different personalities, different gifts. All these differences mean we have different functions in the body of Christ. This has been said so many times but it bears repeating: the arm cannot accuse the nose of being unhelpful. If the arm is judging the nose by how useful the arm is at what it's doing, the nose will never even come close to being useful. They're different so they are treated, judged, and rewarded differently.
Rewards are personal to you. You get a reward for doing what God has told you to do.

She hath done what she could:

Mark 14:8

That is Jesus on Mary anointing His feet before the crucifixion. It's very simple- she did what she could. She could not have done more than she did, she did not do less than what she could, she did it exactly right.

Her reward-

Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this

gospel shall be preached throughout the

whole world, this also that she hath done

shall be spoken of for a memorial of her.

Mark 14:9

I have to mention that Mary broke the box and poured it all out on Jesus. A preacher said this- we Christians open the box and just pour a little bit out. The best, most pricy thing Mary had, she poured out completely to the Lord. She gets named in the Bible for all eternity and people in heaven, a hundred million billion years (I know that technically it's eternity and there are no years but I'm just trying to make a point) from now will know what she did and will be reminded of it when they see the scars in Jesus' hands. There aren't many people who can boast of that.
Had Mary been fearful of those disciples surrounding Jesus, she would not have gotten the reward that was readily available for her. We all have our own rewards; it has nothing to do with other people.
Back to Paul writing to Timothy:

I have fought a good fight, I have finished

my course, I have kept the faith:

Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown

of righteousness, which the Lord, the

righteous judge, shall give me at that day:

and not to me only, but unto all them also

that love his appearing.

2 Timothy 4:7&8

The crown of righteousness is something more than one person will get and Paul is getting his because he fought the good fight, finished his course, and kept the faith.

This shows us that if we fight the good fight, finish our courses, and keep the faith, we will receive a crown of righteousness.

Life is hard and it's partially hard because God wants us to lay up crowns. My pastor's dad preached this on Wednesday- the Hall of Faith is filled with accounts of people who had their security and stability taken from them but it increased their faith and they obtained a better resurrection because of it.

God leads us to these things like He led the children of Israel to the Red Sea and He led David through the valley of the shadow of death. He leads us to it and through it and when we get to Glory, we will receive a crown for it.

We don't get a crown for 'fixing' everyone else's problems for them and shoving our preferences down their throats. Our battles are all different, our trials all vary, some of us have more faith than others- it's a learning process for all of us.

To sum up the things written above:
1) We are accountable to God for the things we do
2) We all have our own course to run, fitted for each of us personally by God
3) We have our own rewards to obtain by doing those things God has given for us to do

Now to this passage which I think has some of the greatest verses on how christians should interact with each other-
Galatians 6
1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault,
ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in
the spirit of meekness; considering thyself,
lest thou also be tempted.
Here is one verse detailing how to handle open sin. Notice you have to be spiritual and meek to do this.
Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. (1 Corinthians 10:12)
2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so
fulfil the law of Christ.
Christ bore our burden's to Calvary- He bore our sin. If someone else is headed down a bad path, bear that burden, sorrow for them, pray for them, intercede for them. 
Another way to apply this verse it taking someone else's burdens on you. My sister's one year old son has been very clingy recently and my pastor's wife often tries to give my sister a break by taking him so my sister can just sit and listen to preaching. (Obviously my nephew is not a burden but babies are tiring when you have them 24/7.) Thats a small but good example of bearing someone else's burden- lift their load a bit and help them rest.
3 For if a man think himself to be something,
when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.
As soon as you think you've got a doctorate in Pride, you're back to the drawing board. Don't think you're better than  others for making wiser decisions. If you know better to make better decisions and you think that makes you better than others, you are deceived. The grace of God gave you that wisdom. Be thankful and humble.
4 But let every man prove his own work, and
then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone,
and not in another.
One of my favourite verses because it gives me such great peace. Let me prove my own work. I don't have to look at what my husband is doing for the Lord, or my son, or anyone else.
I know I am where God wants me and He has given me specific things to do while I'm here. I'm too busy focusing on the things He's given me to be worried about anyone else. 
If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: but if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it. (Proverbs 9:12)
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (Proverbs 31:31)
We have our own work to prove.
One of the works God has given me is my bible class- I invest in those students. As I've gotten to know them I love them more and more because I see their personalities and I enjoy them. Investing in those students, means I do my best to teach them what God will have me to teach, I pray over them like they're my own, and I take active interest in them. If one of them (God forbid!) departs from God when they are older, my prayer is that I've proved my work and even though they left, I can rejoice that I did what I could for that child.
Departing from God is wrong- there's no question- but it's not for me to force them to do what's right. If the Holy Spirit can't convince them, I will not be able to.
5 For every man shall bear his own burden.
Verse two is a command- he tells us to bear each other's burdens- we can (unwisely) ignore it if we want to. This one is a statement. 
A young pastor who's wife was murdered was asked if he had forgiven the murderers. He said that he's chosen the path of forgiveness because unforgiveness and bitterness only effects you. Choosing not to forgive them would be a burden only he would bear, they would not bear it at all.
That's what this is.
If you choose to let the fact that a missionary allows his daughter to watch Star Wars, that will be your burden to bear, your relationship with God is effected, and you will bear the division in the body of Christ. She'll go on her merry way because it doesn't matter what YOU think she can or cannot watch. You are not the Holy Spirit.

So what do we actually do about all this? It's hard not to put our preferences on others, even if we don't say any of it out loud.
This is mostly a battle in your mind. It won't come out unless you let it out. This is a battle that is won or lost in your heart and mind.
Let me be clear on a few things, this post is about behavioural things only that are not open, flagrant, dangerous sins like preaching heresy, drug/ alcohol addiction, fornication, or adultery. This is about things like reading a different bible version, or what you watch on TV, or what you wear, and so on.
There are several things that have helped me in this that will hopefully help you.
The first is esteeming others better than myself.
The bible says

Let nothing be done through strife or

vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each

esteem other better than themselves.

Look not every man on his own things, but

every man also on the things of others.

Philippians 2:3&4

Please look up the context of this passage in Philippians and you'll see that the Holy Spirit is referring to Jesus taking on 'the form of a servant'. Note also that 'esteem' in verse three means you actually think others are better than you. It's not the pretence of acting outwardly like they are better than you all the while in your mind knowing you are way better then they are. You actually THINK they are better than you and you act accordingly.

All that into consideration: our main verse, verse four, is saying we need to look on the things of others as a servant. That means looking out for their needs before ours, helping them, serving them, protecting their interests, putting them first. This is what Jesus did to the point He conquered sin and death and is salvation to everyone who believes.

This verse is not telling us to be up in each other's business, telling them what their convictions should be, how they should serve the Lord, how many people they should win to Christ, and how they should run their lives in order to be as spiritual as you. (Maybe we don't tell them the things we think they should do to their face but we think about it constantly.) If we esteem others better than ourselves, we will be a much better blessing and testimony to them.
For example:
There is a TV show my husband and I used to watch but we got heavily convicted that we should not watch it.
We stopped watching it.
Then someone we know from church told us that they watch it and find it really funny.
Now, before I learned the things I'm writing about in this post, my reaction would have been very judgmental, condemning, and I'd look at them differently- I may even look down on them a bit.
Now I just see that and say 'okay'. If I esteem them better then they are better than I am- that show doesn't generate evil thoughts in them and it doesn't make them fleshly. If they can watch that show without conviction, they're obviously better than my husband and I are!
However, if they shouldn't be watching it, God will deal with them the right way and my husband and I won't have to have anything to do with it. There is no division in the body of Christ and everyone's testimony with each other is intact.

This is not to say that people don't make mistakes. Sometimes we see them walking straight into a giant mess. Unfortunately, unsolicited advice is never heeded. Even if it's the best advice ever, if they don't want it, they won't hear it, they won't heed it. Bear their burdens by praying for them and offering up supplications on their behalf. Also, they have to learn their own lessons and most of us learn the hard way.

Next, comparisons are a no-no:

For we dare not make ourselves of the

number, or compare ourselves with some 

that commend themselves: but they

measuring themselves by themselves, and

comparing themselves among themselves, 

are not wise.

2 Corinthians 10:12

I can't say it better than that.

Using yourself as a measuring stick and comparing yourself with those around you is not wise.

So don't. Whatever it is, be it spiritual matters, personal tastes, parenting, just don't make yourself the standard and don't compare others to your standard.

It's like buying an outfit because it looks good on someone else. It won't look exactly the same on you- you might hate it.

Lastly, look at people the way Jesus looks at them.

But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I

will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am

not come to call the righteous, but sinners to

repentance.

Matthew 9:13

But when he saw the multitudes, he was

moved with compassion on them, because

they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as

sheep having no shepherd.

Matthew 9:36

Jesus knows everything about us and He still died for us. He knew we'd still live for ourselves after we were saved but He still died for us. He knew we'd mess up and hurt our testimony in the world but He still died for us.

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,

forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake

hath forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:32

We forgive each other, because God has forgiven us.

For if ye love them which love you, what thank have

ye? for sinners also love those that love them.

And if ye do good to them which do good to you,

what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same.

And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive,

what thank have y? for sinners also lend to sinners, to

receive as much again.

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend,

hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be

great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for

he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.

Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is

merciful.

Luke 6:32-36

We love others, do good, lend, be merciful to those who would not do those things to us because that's what glorifies God.

I've made many embarrassing mistakes. Some of those mistakes I can look back and say, 'I wish someone had warned me, I wish someone had told me'. Now, some things I know I would not have listened, but other mistakes I made because I didn't know. Because of this, whenever someone is doing something similar, I have more pity, I pray harder for them, and I remember, 'they just don't know better'.

One of the things that frustrates me is when people treat others meanly because of a mistake made by someone who didn't know better. I want God to have mercy on me, to be lenient on those mistakes I made in ignorance. We need to extend that mercy we want from God to others. 

Jesus is our standard- we will all be conformed to His image- Ephesians 4:13, Romans 8:29
If we keep our eyes on Him, if we measure ourselves by Him, we will be well aware of who we are, what we are, and what we deserve. We will serve others better if we have the right view of ourselves, and Christ's view of them.

I hope this was a blessing and a help to you!

Flesh

I've been kept from writing for a few reasons and it's a short post I have today but the principle is one I'm sure will help everybody.

I try to be asleep between 11 and 11:30. It doesn't always work out but I'm getting to the point where going to sleep at the right time is more important than everything I can accomplish while my son is asleep.
The reason I *try* to go to sleep at 11 is that I want to get up at 7 so that I can spend a few quiet hours to myself before chasing around my three year old. I need eight hours of sleep. I will not get up at 7 if I go to bed at 1. It just won't happen. My son used to nap for 3-4 hours a day so my bedtime wasn't important. He doesn't nap at all now so I have to be more rigid in my schedule.

Going to bed at 11 and waking up at 7 is the right thing to do for me. It's not just physically good for me but spiritually. If I don't get up early and spend time with God, I won't do it the rest of the day. There's no time to. The other thing is that I am more likely to get things done, pay good attention to my son, and have the energy I need to make the right choices when I have my alone time.
I get very VERY grumpy, impatient, and volatile when I don't have my quiet time. I know that sounds spoiled and selfish.
As I've taken the time to discipline myself and manage my time wisely, I've learned that the time I spend with God in the morning is always affected by the choices I make the night before.
So first there's the discipline of going to sleep at the right time. It's not easy but I've learned the value of it.
Then there's the discipline of what I do before going to sleep.

The more fleshly I am at night, the less likely I am to get up in the morning.
The whole 'one more' thing is really detrimental to my relationship with God.
While I may be in bed by 11, I find myself getting sucked into my phone watching debates on Youtube, scrolling through Pinterest, Twitter, or just blogs and news sites I like to read. I tell myself 'one more video, one more minute, one more article' and it's never just one more and I wind up sleeping between 11:30 and 12 or later because I can't shut my mind off.
I always, without fail, end up sleeping later and it's harder for me to get up in the morning. What's more, my attitude toward getting up isn't right because I filled up on flesh the night before and it didn't go away with sleep.
I didn't fight my flesh when I was in the right position to so I pay for it dearly the next day and have to fight it off twice as hard.
I hope this is making sense.

In all this experience and learning of a very simple principle, I was reminded of a sermon I first listened to almost five years ago called Royal Blunders.
First off, it takes place in one of the most interesting passages of scripture- 1 Kings.
Second, it involves one of my favourite biblical events: reading about God surrounded by the host of heaven and deciding how to deal with wicked Ahab.
Third, and most importantly, the preacher, Dilbert Terry, talks about the snares of the flesh.

Our flesh traps us in so many ways- whether it be fatigue, laziness, deception or anything else. This sermon really taught me the value of cutting my flesh off at the pass. He talks about simple mistakes two kings- Ahab and Jehoshaphat make that we can learn from, as Christians.
It's practical knowledge and you'll definitely benefit if you listen to it.
I learned a lot from it the first time I heard it. They're principles that have shaped my thoughts and magnified my understanding of the flesh.
One of the best things he says is that whenever we give in to our flesh it fights back twice as hard the next time.
It's true. I've seen it in my own life with big things and small things.
If I give in to my flesh to stay up later than I should, it fights me twice as hard to stay in bed in the morning.

A few other things he says in it are: 'because he's a liar he listens to liars' referring to Ahab.
'Men like Joel Osteen are God's judgment on people who want the goodness of God without God.'
Tough.
'What God has separated let no man put together'.
You can't truly love God without hating what He hates.

I listened to the sermon again today to refresh my memories of it. It's interesting how I was once eating it up because I needed the food it provided so badly and now I've eaten it, digested it, and it's part of who I am.

You see, the more you work on your relationship with God, the more you say 'yes' to Him and 'no' to your flesh, the less leeway you have to sin.
It's no longer worth it to me to watch a questionable TV show because it puts bad things in my mind and separates me from God. I feel that separation too keenly and I don't like it. My husband and I are clearing out all our questionable movies and we'll likely go through our books again. We just want to be close to God.

So if you're having trouble making time for God, I suggest you look at the things you are surrounding yourself by. What sins, no matter how small, do you allow yourself?

Sin never leave you better than it finds you (Gary Boyatt).
Remember that.

Mary Magdalene

Last week in my bible class I started a short series on Mary Magdalene.
When I first started studying her she was just someone I had read about and learned about in church. Sure she was there at the crucifixion, tomb, saw Jesus alive after His death, but I never really thought there was anything special about her (other than the fact that she interacted with the Son of God).
To prepare my lessons I ran all the references in the bible to her and in one fell swoop she's become one of my favourite women in the bible.

And it came to pass afterward, that he went throughout

every city and village, preaching and shewing the glad

tidings of the kingdom of God: and the twelve were with

him,

And certain women, which had been healed of evil

spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of

whom went seven devils,

And Joanna the wife of Chuza Herod's steward, and

Susanna, and many others, which ministered unto him of

their substance.

Luke 8:1-3

This passage and Mark 16:9 mentions how Mary came in contact with Christ. It's not unique in that He healed many of devil possession but what makes it special is what it did to Mary.

In verse three above it says that she, among others, were with Christ as he went throughout every city and village, and that she ministered to Him out of her substance.

Not only did she literally follow Christ around after her healing but what she had she gave to Christ.

There were also women looking on afar off: among

whom was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of

James the less and of Joses, and Salome;

(who also, when he was in Galilee, followed him, and

ministered unto him;) and many other women which 

came up with him unto Jerusalem.

Mark 15:40&41

I haven't been able to figure it out but possibly it was both the Mary's who followed Jesus from Galilee. Either way, she clearly followed Jesus to Jerusalem from somewhere else.

So we know that once Jesus entered her life she followed Him. Then we know:

She stood near the cross:

Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and

his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas, and Mary

Magdalene.

John 19:25

She sat near His grave:

And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it

in a clean linen cloth,

and laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn

out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door

of the sepulchre, and departed.

And there was Mary Magdalene, and the other

Mary, sitting over against the sepulchre.

Matthew 27:59-61

(also see Mark 15:47)

She continued to minister to Him even when (she thought) He was in the grave:

And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene,

and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, had

bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint

him.

And very early in the morning the first day of the

week, they came unto the sepulchre at the rising of the

sun. 

Mark 16:1&2

(also see Matthew 28:1, Luke 24:1, John 20:1)

Now when Jesus was risen early the first day of the

week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of

whom he had cast seven devils.

Mark 16:9

She was so close to Him, He appeared to her first. 

You can read the full account of how Christ appeared to her in John 20.

What I love about her story is that she stayed close to Christ in everything.

She followed him from place to place, stood by Him in death, followed Him to where they laid Him, and got up early to tend His body.

As I studied all the references to Mary it struck me how much she wanted to be close to Christ. It wasn't simply being near Him but ministering to Him the way He had ministered to her.

Our testimony as Christians should be what hers is: follow Christ in every situation and minister to Him.

Important Thoughts

The heart is deceitful above all things, and

desperately wicked: who can know it?

Jeremiah 17:9

I struggled a lot with my last post because I know it is incomplete. While it was about marital harmony and how our thoughts impact that, it's far more important to acknowledge that our thoughts effect our relationship with God first. All our relationships and everything in life fall into their proper place when you put God at the top and focus on pleasing Him.

The verse above from Jeremiah tells us that we are inherently wicked: our hearts are not naturally right with God. This means that we can't just let our hearts be as they are. We can't follow our hearts because they'll lead us to Hell- unless you're saved then they'll lead you away from God and a fruitless life.

Our hearts require work:

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the

issues of life.

Proverbs 4:23

The first time the word keep shows up in the bible is Genesis 2:15:

And the LORD God took the man, and put him into

the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.

Keep has to do with taking care of and tending to. Not only that, it means to guard:

So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east

of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword

which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of

life.

Genesis 3:34

Keep- tend, care, guard- your heart with all diligence. That means put effort into it, put work into it, track down every rabbit down every hole and find out where it leads. In other words, if your natural reaction is wrong in certain situations or you have thoughts and feelings that are not right, look into the heart of the matter.

Take covetousness, for example, covetousness comes from ingratitude, which comes from pride, which is thinking you better than you are and deserve better than you have. I know this because it is a problem with me, God told me so, I've searched it out and am wary of it. God hates covetousness- in Exodus 18 one of his stipulations for rulers was that they hated covetousness- so letting it reign in me, even for a short while, separates me from Him. Covetousness in me in just one example and one I'm slowly getting the victory over. I'm learning there are many facets to covetousness and it can effect my motivation for everything I do if I'm not right with God.
Whatever your besetting sin is, I promise you, it comes from the heart. Chase that rabbit down that hole and it will lead you deep into your heart. I'm covetous because I am proud, vain, and I deeply care what other people think about me. It's my minutely task to correct those things. It's actually easy to humble myself: I remember my habits, stupid decisions, and how slow I actually am; but it's also very easy to forget when pride and self preservation creep in. 

So stay in the Word. The more you're in the Word the more God points things out to you. The more you surround yourself with good influences, the more in contact you are with God throughout your day, the more the Holy Spirit will guide you, point things out to you, and teach you. I wouldn't know I have a problem with covetousness if I wasn't spending time in the Word. There are things God is teaching me now that I would not know if I didn't read and study. Reading the Word helps you arm yourself against those sins our hearts are naturally inclined to. As you get to know yourself better in light of what God thinks, the Holy Spirit helps you dodge your besetting sin and make godly choices. You have to replace what is in your heart with what God thinks about it- that means staying in the Word.

The thing is, your mind is usually the first place you sin. We can get pharisee-ical about this because no one but God sees our minds.  It's ironic that the thing that's hidden from others is the thing we need to guard most vigilantly.

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time,

Thou shalt not commit adultery:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a

woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with

her already in his heart.

Matthew 5:27&28

Taking into account the religious system of that day (the Pharisees and Sadducees) and the law, it looks as though the 'righteous' people were abstaining from the physical sin but allowing it free reign in their hearts and minds. This is partially why Jesus was on the Pharisees all the time (as we'll see later): they manipulated their appearance and tailored their actions to affect holiness and piety all the while their insides were rotting with unchecked pride and arrogance. They were so committed to their outward appearance, they 'ommitted the weightier matters of the law' which were 'judgment, mercy, and faith'(Matthew 23:23c).

Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye

know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.

1 John 3:15

God wants inward obedience first. It's not enough to say, 'I've never killed someone'. Hatred is murder in God's Book. Your outward actions don't mean anything if your heart is not right with God.

For example:

Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so

let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God

loveth a cheerful giver.

2 Corinthians 9:7

Don't give if you don't want to

Don't give because you think you have to

Give because you love God

Inward obedience. You'll worry less and less about your physical actions and how others perceive you if you focus on pleasing God from the inside.

That's not to say our physical actions do not effect our relationship with God. Keeping your heart is the first line of defence against physical sin. The things you let dwell in your heart will come up into your mind and eventually out your mouth, through your feet, your eyes, your hands.

O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak

good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the

mouth speaketh.

A good man out of the good treasure of the heart

bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the

evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men

shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day

of judgment.

For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy

words thou shalt be condemned.

Matthew 12:34-37

Okay, if that last verse doesn't scare you, there's something wrong with you. We are held accountable for the words we say, whatever they are, even in jest.
Those words above are Jesus' words, they shouldn't be taken lightly. Whatever is in your heart will come out your mouth. You cannot disguise the wickedness of your heart for long.

So the question is, what are you letting sit unchecked in your heart and mind?

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be

also.

Matthew 6:21

If you want to know what means most to you, what your treasure is, examine your choices and see what is the deciding factor.

The Pharisees, for example, exalted themselves in their own minds so they did things to cause other people to exalt them. They made broad their phylacteries, they loved to be called Rabbi, they made long prayers, they paid tithe of mint, anise, and cummin all to be seen of men (see Matthew 23). As Dr. Peacock says they were 'legends in their own mind; the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral'.
An example closer to home is my own treasure: myself. I know I'm my treasure because everything I do from getting up early to what to wear to what to eat is decided by what will make ME happy and keep me comfortable. Now, by God's grace, I don't behave solely for myself everyday. I want to worship God so I get up early, I want to raise a healthy, God fearing child, so I spend most of my day focusing on him and his needs, I want to please my husband so I put him before myself. Certainly all those things add to my happiness and comfort but they require more work then I'd naturally like to put in. I know this because I get delirious without 'me time', my husband knows this so he takes my son to Home Depot or out for ice cream to give me a break (isn't he wonderful?).
A long time ago I was watching an interview with a retired NBA player who I believe is french Canadian and won the championship with Larry Bird. The interviewer asked why he wasn't wearing his ring and he replied, 'I don't need to. I know what I did, it doesn't matter if others know'. That struck me and I've never forgotten it. It convicts me every time I want to say 'look what I did'. I still do, don't mistake me, but I try not to. Better than we ourselves knowing, God knows, and He's the one storing our treasures in heaven.
I honestly think all of us treasure ourselves first whether we like to admit it or not. Sometimes my motives for doing good things make me very ashamed because it's 100% selfish. Sometimes people say things that I find out of place and then it occurs to me that they are protecting themselves or guarding my thoughts about them. Then I realize that I do the same.
The only thing to do about this is to continually correct our treasure.
Yesterday morning, for example, it was going on 7:45 and I was snoozing comfortably, really not wanting to get up to do my devotions when the thought occurred to me, 'God gets no glory out of this', or something like that, and I got up. My treasure should be God but it naturally is not. Me being my own treasure was ruling until I remembered that I exist to glorify and worship God.

You see, our inward thoughts effect our relationship with God more than almost anything we do physically because our physical sins are the result of what was borne and bred in our minds before that.

Just like myself and covetousness: I tend to waste a lot of money on things I don't need because I need more more more so I can look good for myself. Pride= covetousness= wasting money. That's a light example, I can think of other things borne from covetousness that I'd be too ashamed to admit to on here.

Do ye not understand, that whatsoever entereth

in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out

into the draught?

But those things which proceed out of the mouth

come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.

For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders,

adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness,

blasphemies:

These are the things which defile a man: but to eat

with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

Matthew 15:17-20

Notice how most of those things- murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, blasphemy- are physical sins but two of them, as noted before, can be done in the mind. Sin is born and bred in our hearts.

So clean your heart up:

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!

for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the

platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.

Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is

within the cup and platter, that the outside of them

may be clean also.

Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!

for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed

appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead

men's bones, and of all uncleanness.

Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto

men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.

Matthew 23: 25-28

Jesus could not be plainer. Though you may appear clean, godly, and put together on the outside, if your inside is run over with excess, extortion, pride, arrogance, greed, and the like: your outside is just as dirty, though man cannot tell at first.
I would venture to say that a person who drinks alcohol but is completely without guile, kind, generous, and sweet has a better relationship with God than a person who avoids alcohol but inside is selfish, malicious, prideful (because they don't drink), and a respecter of persons. Obviously it's not the drinker with the problem- it's the non drinker. 

What do you do?

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after

the flesh:

(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but

mighty through God to the pulling down of strong

holds;)

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that

exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and

bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience

of Christ;

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

I used to worry a lot and get paranoid for no reason. One day in my bible reading I came across the above passage and the bolded verse struck me. It is a very powerful verse to me.

The command is strong: bring it into captivity and cast it down.

I was going through a very difficult time with worry when I read this passage. I was pregnant, but I didn't know it yet (I found out at 11 weeks) and I had suddenly been bombarded by my imagination running rampant with frightful things I was afraid would happen.

The only way I could comfort myself was memorizing scripture and quoting it to myself whenever I began to get paranoid. It was during this time that God led me to that verse and taught me what to do.

Whenever you think something sinful, cast it down.

My worrying for example, was a lack of trust in God so I would bring my worrisome thoughts into captivity with Psalm 91. It didn't take long for my worries to abate and finally disappear.

I still become fearful, I still worry but I'm armed with the shield of faith and the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. Those things protect your mind. You just have to use them.

A bad thought come into your head? Push it out and apologize to God. Acknowledge it was wrong. Our thoughts will never be clean this side of heaven, bad things come up all the time but weeding those bad thoughts out prevent bitterness, hate, and wrath from breeding.

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and

clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with

all malice:

And be ye kind kind one to another, tenderhearted,

forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake

hath forgiven you.

Ephesians 4:31&32

Unity, peace, and kindness come much easier when we don't allow ourselves to have bitter, angry, and evil thoughts about others in our mind. Mean thoughts come into my head all the time- I throw them out and apologize to God. I don't comment mean things to my husband about people- even if he would find it funny. It's giving place to the devil and his devices. It's amazing how much angst, division, strife, we can avoid by keeping a tight reign on our thoughts. It's amazing how much closer you can walk with God by casting out things that may seem harmless at fist.


I hope this was a help to you. I don't know what thoughts you struggle with and what your besetting sins are. I hope my own examples give you an idea of where to start. I've written this post several times because I know its so important. My first post about thoughts didn't present the groundwork for maintaining one's thought life. Sometimes on this blog I just plow through thinking everyone has been saved for twenty years and knows what I know about the bible. That's just not so.

This topic is so expansive and I think I just barley nicked the surface of it. I hope at least it gives you a good idea of God's thoughts on the matter and helps you realize the importance of guarding your heart against sin.
Your whole life will benefit from it.

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the

issues of life.

Proverbs 4:23

Thoughts

A few posts ago I shared advice given by ladies from my church at our ladies night.
When all was said and done and I was able to look back on what my advice was, I thought I should have rather given what I am about to write in this post.
I didn't regret the advice I gave, I just thought I could have given something more helpful. Also I get really excited when I talk in front of people and I don't think I ever make much sense.
Anyways, someone who was there came up to me on Sunday and told me that what I said helped them. So clearly the Lord had me say that for a reason.

Right now though, if they were to ask me again I would give this advice: control your thoughts.

When I was first married I had no idea that a thought life existed and that it needed to be lassoed, roped up and brought to utter submission.

I didn't realize how strongly thoughts effected you and what they resulted in outside. Once I was married I was forced to edit (or parent) myself from my outward actions down to my smallest inward thought.
My work situation at the time gave me plenty of leave to think about things. I allowed myself to think covetously about clothes, I ranted against my husband, thought whatever I wanted of others, and tried to make myself out to be better than I was.
Needless to say, all these things manifested themselves on the outside:

For as he thinketh in his heart so is he:

Proverbs 23:7a
And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without
understanding?
Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth
in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out
into the draught?
But those things which proceed out of the mouth
come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders,
adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness,
blasphemies:
These are the things which defile a man: but to eat
with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
Matthew 15:16-20
But all things that are reproved are made manifest
by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is
light.
Ephesians 5:13

Everything inside will eventually come out. It just takes time.

As one preacher said, things we consider great sins do not happen suddenly and are not out of character. Whatever it is that was done was the manifestation of what the person thought about and harboured in their heart. In other words, if a man cheats on his wife after 10 years of marriage, he was adulterous in his heart years before the actual physical act took place.

If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:

Psalm 66:18

The things we keep in our heart effects our relationship with God first. It has been said so many times that if we put God first in our lives and maintain a good relationship with Him, the rest of our relationships will fall into place and thrive.

This post is about my thought life in my marriage but don't mistake that my wicked thoughts were a result of a sin problem that was preventing a good relationship with God. All the changes I was able to make were a result of a consistent relationship with God and His mercy in pointing things out to me. If you stay in the Word God will show you things when you're out and about. At the exact right time He will reveal something to you that changes your world and the way you do things. I hope this post conveys that.

Thinking covetously about clothes was the fist thing to go because it was making me miserable. I could easily see the effects my thoughts were having on me and I cut it out immediately. God hates covetousness, by the way, see my post on it here.

Ranting against my husband in my mind took a long time. The problem with ranting in your mind is that you begin to imagine things, you blow things out of proportion, you gain confidence where you shouldn't, your pride builds up, and you lose all logic. Even if you are right to be angry about something, ranting in your mind about it will lose you the argument- you've lost all reason.

Since I often fought with my husband in my head, I often fought with him at home. It was bad for a while but then a few things happened to help actually consider what I was doing:

I stopped listening to debates- they were making me aggressive and belligerent.

I stopped taking birth control pills- I need to pause at this one because it really made a big difference in our marriage. When my husband and I spoke of this before we were married he advised me to avoid birth control pills. For me it was the simplest thing so I went on them. Now, there was a sin problem that needed to be taken care of and I can't blame the birth control. I will point out that as soon as I stopped taking them- about six months into my marriage- we fought less. It's a known fact that birth control plays with your hormones and I recall being bloated all the time and generally very uncomfortable.

After those things I read this verse:

An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips

there is a burning fire.

Proverbs 16:27

I knew that was me as soon as I read it. If anything I want to be godly so right then and there I repented of digging up evil and put away the burning fire in my lips. 

I had a lot of damage to repair. I had been argumentative and volatile for months and it was how my husband expected me to react. I stopped letting small things get to me, I picked my battles wisely and instead of letting things fester, I'd calmly talk to my husband about it right away.

We stopped arguing but the healing process took a long time. I had a lot of hard of hard ground to break up and deep rooted weeds to pull out because of the bad seeds I had sown.

At a ladies retreat just over two years ago our speaker said this: ranting in your mind gives place to the devil.

The devil is trying to destroy your testimony and one of the ways he can do it is by destroying your marriage. Don't give him place.

The other thing about this is when you are right, react the right way. Being right about something or being the one who was wronged does not justify the way you react. Our example is Christ:

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ

also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye

should follow his steps:

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his

mouth:

Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when

he suffered he threatened not; but committed himself

to him that judgeth righteously:

1 Peter 2:21-23

Let God handle it. He'll give you more justice than you can give yourself.

The other way my thoughts were effecting my marriage was how I thought about myself. I was vain in a lot of ways when I had no reason to be. 

One big thing was that I had to be the most beautiful woman and no one else could even be pretty.

We'd be watching TV, I'd feel threatened by someone else's beauty and I'd casually ask, 'do you think she's pretty?'. Well, there was no right answer to that question because if he said 'no' I wouldn't believe him and if he said 'yes' I'd just get mad at him. These situations resulted in a lot of those fights where you have no idea what you're fighting about, how it even started, but you will win at whatever cost.

I was walking home from work one day and it FINALLY occurred to me that I am not the prettiest, I'll never be, and I should accept it and be happy for people who are.

I repented of my vanity right away. What I did not expect was that I began to be a much happier and more grateful person.

This is really interesting because if you are thankful for what you are, what you have, and how God has blessed you- even when you are mediocre looking, you have little, and God has blessed you with hundreds of dollars rather than millions- you can be really happy and impervious to covetousness, pride, and the need to justify yourself.

A preacher said it like this, 'Don't be envious of people because you have no idea what it cost them to get what they have. Take David for example. God used him for great things but David's sin is written in the bible and will be left there for eternity. Are you willing to have your sin written in God's perfect Word for all to read for eternity?'

No. Not me.

As I learned these things I began to produce the following:

-I started just being happy for other people when they were better than me. This just sets you free. You don't feel anymore pressure to dress the best, look the best, be the smartest, or whatever is important to you. You get to just be and do what you can. It's so freeing.

-I stopped comparing myself to others because there is no comparison between people. God deals with us all differently, we all deal with different things, and simply saying, 'I would do it this way' just comes from what you know and what you've experienced- the other person has different knowledge and experience.

-I began to have more mercy on people. I made cream scones for sunday school one day and a child bit into one, spat it out, loudly complained that it was horrible, and threw the rest of it in the garbage. Before that would've offended me. Now I just look at that and feel sorry that that child doesn't have the manners not to react like that. It's the same way I look at scantily dressed teens in my neighbourhood, people who fall for false religions, and others who are on wayward paths. I feel sorry that they just don't know better and thankful that by God's grace (and ONLY by His grace) I do know better.

The last thing I needed to be rid of- at least get a handle on- was thinking too much about what my husband needed to change. It's so easy to listen to a sermon and think 'I hope he's listening. This is something he needs to hear' or read scripture and apply it to my husband (or anyone else for that matter).
The fact is, you can't change anyone. As Dr. Peacock says, 'if the Holy Spirit can't change them, what makes you think you can?'
My husband once told me that I am the best testimony to him when I quietly go about my business and serve the Lord. I have no idea when I was ever like that and I've seriously tried to attain to it since he told me that.
Something to remember is that unsolicited advice is never heeded. People- including your husband- are not going to listen to you in an area they do not want to be told what to do in.
As many preachers have pointed out: you won't be answering for them at the judgement seat. You'll be answering for yourself. Focus on your own shortcomings.
Now, this doesn't mean I don't tell my husband when I think he's doing something wrong. One time he decided to do something and I was very bothered by it. It did not effect me in any way but I felt very strongly that his conduct was wrong. That night I spoke to him very calmly and logically about it. He told me that I was right and he apologized.
There are things in both my husband and myself that need to change. There are many things we both fall short on. My reaction to my husband's shortcomings cannot be to correct them. My reaction has to be prayer.
God has worked a lot on me through the things I thought my husband needed to change. I don't know what's best. I don't know my husband's heart the way God does. I don't know anything I need to know about my husband. God does know and all I can do, as a good wife, is encourage my husband to do right and pray for him.
Once I stopped looking for ways my husband could improve I started appreciating him a whole lot more. I noticed good things about him I never did before. I started being more of an encouragement to him too because I was generally more positive toward him.

I hope I conveyed what a difference your thoughts make in your marriage. I can't say that I've completely stopped some of the things I've written about above. It's hard work but you've got to be picky about what you let in your mind.
This will be one of the joys of being in heaven: you won't have to worry about what you think anymore. It will just be right. You will open your mouth to say something and what you say will be right. You won't have to wonder what to do next and whether you're making the right decision or not. You'll know what's right and you'll do what's right.
On this side of heaven, however, all we can do is stay close to God by (trying) to keep our minds clean.

For I know the things that come into your mind, every one of them.

Ezekiel 11:5d

Ladies Night

We had a ladies night at church on Sunday night and we were all given the opportunity to give marital advice to a friend who will soon be married.
The advice was great.
It's really lovely to hear advice from women who are determined to make their marriages work- not for pride, security, or money- but for the love of God and His glory.
The other thing is that as women we need to encourage each other. My sister spoke about it yesterday- the things we do are not easy. As close as we are to our husbands they will never really understand what it is like to be a woman and all those things that womanhood, motherhood, wifehood entail. We just need to be there for each other, encourage each other, and strengthen each other in the Lord.

Everyone had great advice. It was great because God gave it to them, they use it, and it's helped their marriages. It's real. This kind of thing has to be passed along. I didn't get everything down and I certainly did not do the spirit of the gathering justice. The following are the notes I took with my comments in italic.

- Don't ever stop saying fun, intimate things to each other. Show him you love him with love notes, impromptu gifts. Don't let the excitement of 'I love you' die.

I loved her advice because it was all about having fun with each other. It's not just the sweet things but also things you wouldn't want anyone else to hear. Own the intimacy you have with your husband. It's a God given freedom to be celebrated, not quenched. You should have as much fun (if not more) with it the longer you're married.

- Proverbs 13:10- Only by pride cometh contention.

When a fight happens usually one of you- or both- are in pride. If it's you just let it go.

Proverbs 17:14- Leave off contention before it be meddled with

-don't say anything that may turn into a fight. Leave the small issues

-Pick your battles wisely

For example: I'd rather my husband smoked then didn't pay any attention to his son. While smoking kills you, the harm you can do our family is far more insidious.

-Communication. Just communicating your thoughts and desires makes all the difference.

This encompasses everything from your emotions, to physical desires, to every day things.

-Marriage is not just about sweet times. It's a roller coaster.

-God will see you through the hard times. Take everything to God in prayer

-Proverbs 14:1- Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

-Your husband needs encouragement. Know what he likes to hear

-Colossians 3:13- Forbearing on another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

-A good marriage is made up of two good forgivers

-Don't let things build up- bitterness will grow.

-Don't continually bring up things from the past- let them go

Even though things are said and we get hurt we need to choose to put those things away and not speak of them again. (She explained this really well but I can't remember her exact words. I hope I get the gist of it accross at least)

-Keep short accounts with each other and with God

-leave sowing and reaping to God

-Get into proper habits: pray together everyday. You need to hear yourselves pray for each other.

She mentioned that it encourages you to do right

-have the character to keep the good habits going

-Your husband needs to know you love God the most

-Be submitted to God first

-Communicate the right way with the right attitude: correct response, correct thinking, correct perspective, correct tone. How does HE perceive YOUR tone?

-You each have your own relationship with God. You will not have the same convictions. Use those differences in convictions to grow.

This was my advice to her because God has been really challenging me by my husband's and my differences lately (in a good way). Popular culture will tell you (or show you) that 'perfect couples' are completely in sync, think alike, and so on. Recently a friend of mine who has been married for close to thirty years told me that her and her husband do not think alike at all. She can never figure out what he is thinking or how he'll do something. I needed to hear that. 

-It's not up to you to change him. Leave that to God.

-Remember that you love him and that your love covers every issue that comes up.

-Take time to appreciate the things about him you particularly love.

The things you love about him- especially the small things can completely change your mood. I actually want to write about all the things I love about my husband so I'll leave that until that post but one thing that brings me immediate comfort is his size. He's so tall and I love it when his strong arms envelope me. A few nights ago I was just grumpy because I was grumpy. My husband gave me a giant and very loving hug and my grumpiness went away. 

-Men are not mind readers

-Don't shy away from telling him what you are thinking.

-You both need to share your thoughts

-Know how to talk to each other- you'll avoid lots of arguments this way

This is really great advice because knowing how to talk to your husband makes a huge difference. This takes a lot of control (at least for me). You don't have to bury feelings, wants, needs deep down if you know how to present them rationally to your husband in a way he'll understand and respond to.

-Pride has no place- don't hesitate to be the first to rectify the situation

If you start doing this, he'll start doing this. Choosing not to be angry, choosing to say 'it was me' changes his attitude toward you

-Forgiveness makes a huge difference

-Have family devotions

She mentioned that when a fight happened, doing devotions together was like a band aid

-Give everything to the Lord

-Ephesians 4:26-Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil.

-Proverbs 15:1- A soft answer turneth away wrath: but greivous words stir up anger.

-Have God first in your life for spiritual growth. Your husband will appreciate it

-Don't speak badly about your husband- no complaining about him

-Before you're married choose someone trustworthy that you can go to if you are having a serious problem in your marriage.

Well there you have it. I hope this was encouragement and/or help to you! It certainly has helped me.