Going Goings On

Hallooo!

I've really really tried to write a few times but it's really no use.
I'm very very annoyed at someone.
I've seriously had it with them.
They've completely lost me.
I used to think they were wise.
But now I think they're calculating, vindictive, and insufferable.

This really shouldn't effect my writing but the topic I have it in my heart to write about is too hard to write about without slipping in shots at this person.
So I guess it's just best not to write about it at all at the moment.

Yes, I should just shake it off and forget about this person but this person has a constant presence in my life and almost every time I see them my opinion of them just gets lower and lower.

Someone recently asked me what my favourite verse was and the first verse that came to my head was 'with good advice, make war' (Proverbs 18:20). It's one of my favourite verses because just flies in the face of everything you hear nowadays but it's not a favourite to the point I'll go around sharing it as my favourite verse.
Anyways, when I tried to think of another favourite verse to share all I could come up with was this one:

And I saw heaven opened, and behold

a white horse: and he that sat upon him

was called Faithful and True, and in

righteousness he doth judge and make

war.

Revelation 19:11

I really love this verse and I can't wait to see Jesus coming down to earth, trampling the grapes of wrath and reclaiming His kingdom- it's going to be great. But apparently I'm really into war verses right now and that tells me I'm in attack mode so I need to take my annoyance out on something.

Until then, I won't write about anything substantial- everything I try to write about turns into an attack on this person.

Anyway, we're moving.
Yet again and just over a year since we last moved. I'm really not interested in moving but whatever it has to get done.
We're moving from a big, spacious house with a big, spacious yard to a little cabin next door to the good old USA.
The new place is literally a cabin- all wood with delightful skylights scattered throughout the various rooms. It's very close to my work- which is great- and the beach. We were exploring a bit yesterday and came across a giant park just off the beach and maybe a ten minute walk from our new place.
I'm hoping to be able to run again since the dyke will be easier on my knees than cemement- I told my husband I want runners for my birthday (which is next week).
Even though it's an inconvenience to have to move (and with short notice) it seems to be perfect timing. All the privacy we once enjoyed at our current place was cut down last week and condos will be under construction going forward. We could hear the digger this morning when we were in bed.

So we're looking forward to the new place. It will be a big change since we're moving to a new municipality and we'll be further from family and church. We put a lot of prayer into whether or not we should take this place and we know it is the right choice.

At the moment that's all. Maybe I'll get my act together and be able to write a good post about something substantial.

Please pray for my friend Aikiki who lost her son in a very tragic and heart breaking way.

A Spoonful of Sugar

A belated merry Christmas and a very happy New Year!
I've been trying to write this post for a week and I think my problem is that I'm trying to explain something that's hard to explain.
I didn't get to write as much this year. There seemed to be lots of things in the way. Still I'm grateful for this blog- I love to write and I learn a lot from it.

I remember at the end of last year my heart was very full and happy. I was excited about the coming year. I described 2015 as difficult because my son cried the entire year and my husband spent most of the year working. That sounds like a cake walk now but I wouldn't go back to that for a second.
2016 was hard but hard like giving birth is hard.
After you have a child people ask what labour pain is like. I always say that it hurts but it's pain with a purpose. I cut my finger today and it's just a nagging pain I hope will heal soon. Labour pain brought my son into the world. 2016 was that kind of pain. Pain with a purpose. The kind that mercilessly and continuously attacks to the point you don't know if you can go on but you find it in you to keep going and as you do you start seeing things come out of you you never though possible.
My heart goes from full to empty almost daily but while that is the case there is peace that covers it all. Whatever is going on, whatever needs to get done, it's just stuff. I realized that life isn't hard- it's just life and the things you went through will carry you through the things you're going through. It's not one and done, it all goes together.
I realized that there are things that God just wants done. There is a place God wants you, there are things He expects of you, there are things He wants to bring out of you. Many times this year with different people in different places and different situations I saw myself as there for a purpose though often I had no idea what that purpose was. Somehow there were times I knew exactly what to do and more often then not it was at great personal sacrifice. It amazes me that God gives us the guidance we need and the strength to endure.
There were many times this year where I'd be doing something for my son- making him dinner or getting him ready to go to the park or going to get this so we can do that- and he would be fussing and complaining the entire time. Sometimes I would say, 'look! I'm doing this for you! I know its hard to wait but it will be fine, I promise! Just wait a few minutes!' It occurs to me that maybe I'm like that with God. I don't think I'm a complainy person- it's passive aggressive and I hate that- but I will cry and I will fuss and I will straight up ask God to change things. And I think about it now and I wonder if in my prayers and supplications I'm doing what my son does to me and God is thinking 'I'm doing this for you, your discomfort is temporary but it will end soon, we just need to go through this to get to something better'. This is all temporary and it will all burn. The only things that matter are the things we can take to heaven and only God can give what can go from this life into eternity.
The things He puts you through are for you. He wants us to bear eternal fruit and lay up treasure in heaven, He wants to give us the opportunity to get blessed by serving Him. This kind of thing doesn't happen when we live comfortably.
I used to think there were happy times and sad times. Now I know that if you are right with God and in His will, there are hard things and easy things, but you're never 'unhappy'. I realized that you take the good things when you can and deal with the bad things the best you can. Situations will make you happy and sad but applying those to any situation really doesn't help. The only thing that does help is knowing that you're in God's will, that He's taking care of you, and that He has you in His hand.
I suppose that sort of sums up part of my thoughts from 2016. There are a lot of things I've learned that I am not posting about today but maybe one day I will have the words to share them.
It's just amazing how God works. It's never big, grand gestures. It's always little subtle things that make the biggest difference when it counts.

I didn't do a thanksgiving post but I did think about what I am most grateful for this past year. This past year I am most grateful for my parents.
I know people who are caring and try to help as much as they can. It is rare though for anyone to really go out of their way to take care of you. My parents- and my whole family, really- have really taken good care of us. The problems we have, they treat them like their own problems. They've taken so much on themselves for us and I really can't describe my gratitude to them for that.

My favourite thing this year has been starting work. It was really hard and depressing at first but inevitably, I've seen that it's allowed me to put into practice things I didn't realize I had learned. I know it's a necessary thing that I go back to work and that in itself would give me peace about it but God has given it to me with a spoonful of sugar. There are many things I'm blessed by at work- the job itself, the clothes, and most of all the people I work with.

Well, that's all for now, if it made any sense. I finally had to give up trying to structure a post and just write my thoughts as they came.
It's been very busy for us but I hope I can write more. I have a lot to write but there is so much to be done. Thank you for bearing with me and for coming back and reading my posts. I hope they are a blessing and a help.

Thou therefore endure hardness, as a

good soldier of Jesus Christ.

2 Timothy 2:3

Reason vs Feelings

One of the things I quickly learned in high school was that people don't think like me. I know- duh!- but it really had not occurred to me that people would have different values and those values shaped their priorities, expectations, desires, and outlook. In elementary school there isn't really much exchanging of ideas or values but in high school there is more emphasis on individuality. You quickly learn your place and if you are not humbled there is something wrong with you.
After being home for several years and being able to choose who I am surrounded by I've almost forgotten this but I was recently reminded of it.

You see, I expect one thing from the people around me: that they are reasonable.
More often then not, however reasonable a person is in their actions and interactions, they are very unreasonable in their thoughts.

The biggest detriments to being reasonable are emotions and feelings. The things we feel and the emotions that take over us inhibit growth and that's why we have this identity politics taking over. Political correctness was borne out of people's feelings.

Recently a person described Prime Minister Trudeau's '2015' comment as 'brilliant'. It's not logically brilliant to say that an equally male to female ratio of cabinet ministers is necessary because 'it's 2015'. It's stupid. The only reason someone can describe that as brilliant is for it to appeal to their feelings.

At the moment I am faced with a problem that cannot be addressed because it would hurt this person's feelings. Believe me when I say I would gladly hurt their feelings to tell them the truth. However, this person has proved that their feelings are more important than reason, growth, and learning. Telling them the truth will serve no other purpose than to hurt their feelings and make them mad at me. So the problem goes on because it cannot be addressed because feelings.

The only way you learn is by hard things. The only way you grow as a person is by seeing or hearing the truth about yourself.
It is not an easy thing but if you want to grow and get better you will put yourself under God's knife and let Him cut away those pieces of you that need to go.

I hope I can always see the truth about myself- it keeps me humble. I hope I can always take the truth about my child and my husband and my family.
Emotions and feelings prevent the truth because the truth hurts. If you can take it, however, that is a great thing because you will learn and grow and God will use you.

The wise in heart will receive

commandments: but a prating fool shall fall.

Proverbs 10:8

Puerto Vallarta

Hola!

We're back! Got back Saturday night around midnight. I actually wrote the majority of this post on Sunday but I was waiting for my sister-in-law to send me pictures. She hasn't so I'll just post anyway.
Instead of jumbling together random highlights from our trip I thought I'd share a bit from each day.
We stayed at the Sunset Plaza Beach Resort and Spa in Puerto Vallarta and it was all inclusive. The food was really good and the people were very kind. My husband and I were saying that we would certainly visit there again and stay at the same place. The resort is about five years old so it's very new and they are planning an expansion- or so I've heard. We went at the tail end of 'low season' so we had a lot of freedom and had many things to ourselves. All the rooms come with an ocean view and we got to see beautiful sunsets, sunrises, and a fantastic lightning storm.
People kept thinking I was Mexican or at least that I spoke Spanish- neither of which is true- and they were always surprised when I couldn't understand. While I don't speak fluent french my vocabulary is still really good so I picked up on a lot of the similar words in Spanish.

My Thursday morning at 6:30

Friday morning around 6:50

Day 1- (Friday, November 4) Travel day. Flew out of Seattle around 6:50 am, had a layover in Orange County for about an hour then continued to Puerto Vallarta. We arrived around 4pm local time and got to the hotel around 5. My husband, son, and I had been up since 6:30am the day before (Thursday), and hadn't slept properly in over 24 hours. We were duly exhausted so we ate, let our son play in the pool for a bit, went up to the room, ordered room service, fell asleep waiting for it, ate, then we all slept for 12 hours.

The top one

Arriving in Puerto Vallarta

Ocean view from our room

City view from outside our door

Sunset by the pools

Day 2- (Saturday November 5) woke up refreshed and happy. We had breakfast then my husband and I hit up the local Walmart because neither of us had bathing suits or flipflops and we wanted to get our son a floaty device.
It was a Walmart like all Walmarts we've been to. We found what we were looking for then went to pay. There was a woman bagging our purchases and I noticed money on the counter under her. I wondered if we were supposed to tip her but we didn't and I had to go to the washroom. When I came out my husband said 'I think we're supposed to tip the baggers'. There was a line of them sitting on benches wearing blue vests. I promptly went back and gave the lady all our change. We felt terrible that we hadn't tipped her right away so I ran back to her. She looked rather sad but she cheered right up when I gave her the money. My husband and I figured they make all their money from tips.
We took the taxi there and walked back- it was about ten blocks from our hotel and it was nice to leisurely walk (holding hands!) without having to wrangle our son. We sat at Starbucks (obviously) to cool down for a bit-

my 'I found the starbucks!' photo I sent to my dad

Once we got back  we ate lunch and hung out in the pool.
There are five pools there. One little one in the children's area, one separate adult's only pool, and three of them interconnected- a children's pool, a giant pool with underwater seats and a bar, and a lower pool for lounging. The children's pool is the perfect height for our son, small enough to play in, and deep enough for any adult to sit comfortably.

We got our son a little jetski- he LOVES it

We spent the rest of the day relaxing and after dinner we hung out with my sister's-in-law and nephew playing dutch blitz.

Day 3- (Sunday November 6) I woke up early and tuned in live to Bible Baptist Church's morning service. I was right in time to hear the preaching. They were having their annual 'King James Jubilee' (their revival meeting) so I got to hear a different preacher preach. He preached on this passage:

It is better to go to the house of mourning,

than to go to the house of feasting: for that

is the end of all men; and the living will lay it

to his heart.

Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the

sadness of the countenance the heart is

made better.

The heart of the wise is in the house of

mourning: but the heart of fools is in the

house of mirth.

Ecclesiastes 7:2-4

He spoke on verse three about how sorrow is good for your heart and the things it does to your heart. It was a good message with good food for me. 

After breakfast we all got into the pool and stayed there until mid afternoon. My sister-in-law and I went to get our nails done in the Neptune Plaza. We were going to do them at the hotel spa but a lady told my sister-in-law about a great place that costs less than $10 for either a manicure or a pedicure. I ALWAYS get pedicures on vacation- or whenever I can. I just love them. The last time I had a pedicure was in Lincoln City, Oregon last year for my mother-in-law's 70th birthday. So we went and with tip and everything I spent around $10. Since we were walk-ins and it was a Sunday we had to go one after the other. I went first so while my sister-in-law was getting her nails done I explored the plaza a bit-

Frappucino in hand, turquoise toes

The marina, just behind the plaza- really beautiful place

After dinner we played in the pool until it was time for bed.

Day 4- (Monday November 7) After breakfast and the pool my sisters-in-law, nephew and I took a cab to 'Centro' or downtown. We walked along the pier, in and out of shops.

Pretty walk on the pier

I loved how it looked up the alley. I love the architecture
and how many people have
plants spilling from their windows and balcony's.

I bought a few t-shirts and an adorable Mexican outfit for my son-

This picture was taken our last day there.

We had lunch at a beautiful sea side restaurant then took a taxi back to the hotel. I walked into our hotel room to find my son sitting on the bed eating chocolate cake and watching a movie.

It was late afternoon so I brought him down to the pool to swim and promptly dropped my phone in the water. Up until this point I had mostly left my phone in the room so the one time I actually brought it out I drop it -.-

My phone didn't suffer the effects of being dropped in water until the day after. My home button doesn't work, and my lock button is kind of shoddy but everything else seems fine. The home button makes a big difference so I'm going to have to fix it somehow and at some point.
We played in the pool then took a walk down the beach where my sister-in-law was playing beach volleyball. The waves were huge so my son and I stood in the water and let the waves splash us. I had to hold him with both hands to keep him from getting pulled in.
After we got back to our room we got a call saying they were releasing turtles on the beach.
These sea turtles are extinct so scientists keep track of them and watch the mothers lay their eggs. Once shes done and leaves the nest the scientists take the eggs from their nests to a nursery to protect them. Once the turtles hatch they release them into the sea. The hotel we stayed at has their own nursery and there were more than 100 baby turtles so everyone on the beach who wanted to got to place a turtle on the beach and watch them crawl toward the water.

My phone died just as I was taking this video.

After this we ate dinner and spent the rest of the evening in the pool.

Day 5- (Monday November 7) I woke up really bummed about my phone so my husband took my son down to breakfast and I was able to get a few minutes to myself. I finally felt better and went down for breakfast and some pool time.

It was this day they told me that they ran out of strawberry syrup for my virgin daiquiris so I tried the tamarind and got hooked. This was mostly a pool day. My husband got a bad headache near the end of the day so I kept my son occupied out of our hotel room for the most of the day.

Day 6- (Tuesday November 8) Election day was bright and beautiful in Puerto Vallarta. Everyone was a little on edge. 

We spent the morning in the pool and went up to our room after lunch. We wound up falling asleep waking just in time for dinner.
After dinner I was anxious to watch my favorite political commentators live stream election coverage. I'm not that into politics but this election cycle was a good distraction for me and I learned a lot from the people I listen to. As a Canadian I can look at the US election with amused indifference. That's all I'll say.

Day 7- (Wednesday November 9) We got up late, picked up pastries at the hotel deli and took the bus to Sayulita, Nayriat. It was about an hours bus ride up through the city then into the jungle. I'm not that fond of the city but I loved how a short bus ride took us into a jungle.

That video is a little bit of the drive- when it started getting really scenic. Outside our hotel room I could see lots of green mountains and I wondered what they were like up close. I got to see what they are like on the road to Sayulita. I didn't get any pictures of it but there was lush green foliage all along the road and branches reaching over the road creating a beautiful green drive along a dusty road.
We finally got to Sayulita- a beautiful little sea side surf town. The bus dropped us off by this random fork in the road so we walked two or so blocks along a dirt road into Sayulita. In the town itself are small rocky streets with close shops. I could see houses along the slopes from the beach- big beautiful sanctuaries overlook the hippy beach town that is Sayulita.
I feel like there were more tourists there than were staying at the resort I was staying at. I could see many tanned locals who looked like they came from another part of the world to settle there. The tourists were one thing and the locals were quite another. There was a distinct style among them- a kind of yogi, beach, hippy, artist style that was being promoted and sold at almost every shop.
The artistry there is beautiful. We went into many shops where the owners made everything themselves from clothes to jewellery to tiles to dishes to accessories and more. There was lots of embroidery, pompoms, beads, and so many clothes- all of which I love. The exorbitant prices (in my opinion) told me that these people weren't just selling their art, they are selling a life style and a culture. There were bits and pieces I would have loved to purchase but they were all things that would be odd one ofs. I left Sayulita to Sayulita. Maybe one day I'll go back and create something in my own life from there.

I loved these colourful banners but they were mostly decorated
with skeletons

We explored a lot, didn't buy anything except lunch- we sat at tables on the beach while our son dug in the sand with the silverware (so classy) and had the most delicious margarita pizza. We left Sayulita in the mid afternoon. Our bus going back was a rickity old thing that bounced a lot. My husband, son and I sat in the back and boy was it bumpy. Our son slept the whole time so my husband and I relaxed and enjoyed the ride together. It was really, really hot and in most circumstances I would be uncomfortable and grumpy. In this case, however, my husband and I had so much fun sitting there and laughing together- we loved the experience. I think our Mexico trip would have been incomplete without that bus trip. We got in the shower right when we got back then went into the pool.

Day 8- (Thursday November 10) After breakfast my sisters-in-law kindly watched our son while my husband and I went to shop for things. I wanted to get a Mexican dress but I couldn't find any that I loved. I got two dresses- one an off white linen dress with crocheted details, the other a yellow maxi. My husband got a Mexican shirt that matches my son's and I got some little souvenirs for some people back home. We were able to shop within four blocks of the hotel so even though it was hot and sunny, we were very relaxed. I did sort of wind up with a Mexican dress but it was bought by my father-in-law for his wife and it's too big for her so she gave it to me. I would only change the embroidery on the front and it would be absolutely perfect but I'm grateful for it anyways.
We got back and I went to play beach volleyball with my sister-in-law while my husband took our son out of the sun for a while. Beach is my favorite form of volleyball and I can't remember the last time I played it. It was fun and I wish I could've gotten out for it a few more times.


Day 9- (Friday November 11) At 7:30am we were in a taxi and on our way to the marina to take a boat to a beautiful private island called Las Caletas. The boat ride was about an hour and the day was cloudy so we got a nice breeze as we travelled.

There were caves in these islands and blue footed boobies flying over top

We went with a tour group so they provided us with breakfast and lunch. We were able to explore a bit of the island and we had activities like snorkeling, paddle boarding, zip lining, kayaking, and many more available to us. There were lots of hammocks swinging over the water which we promptly took advantage of.

Screen shot of a pic my sis-in-law took

For the first little bit I collected lots and lots of shells.

Some of the shells I brought home

I decided to go paddle boarding- I've always wanted to try it. I loved it and its one of those things I think I'll always do whenever I get the chance. My husband, son and I went in a kayak after that and saw beautiful little fish in the water.

While all this was going on the tour group has photographers taking pictures of you. By the end of our day there they had taken 131 pictures of us- they loved our son- and we all chipped in to purchase a USB of all of them ($80).
After kayaking my son and I played in the water for a while

Then it was lunch time and we were served a buffet of authentic Mexican food. The spicy salsa was actually spicy, and we got to see our tortillas hand pressed. They were probably the best tortillas I've ever had.
Once lunch was over we walked around and got to see some of the animals that live there- monkeys, macaws, hawks, flamingos, parakeets, and snakes. I got to hold a monkey and a parakeet. My husband got to hold and kiss a macaw.

Before we left I managed to get this family picture-

It was a great tour and I highly recommend it. I beleive the company is called 'Vallarta Adventures'. They take great care of you- you always feel safe.
My son and I went straight into the pool when we got back then we had a leisurley dinner for our final night.

Day 10- (Saturday November 12) Woke up bright and early, finished packing, had breakfast then spent an hour and a half in the pool with my son. We checked out around noon and flew out of Puerto Vallarta around 2pm local time. It was a smooth trip and we got home around midnight.

From Puerto Vallarta to LAX

It was a good vacation and I am very thankful for it.
Neither my husband nor myself had ever had a vacation like that before- to a tropical place, staying in a hotel with everything provided. We agreed we'd definitely go there again and stay at the same place. Almost every night we went for family swims in the pool. All the things I wanted to do I didn't do because I was mostly playing with my son. I didn't take many pictures because I didn't want to feel obligated to. We took a break from pretty much everything.
I think we probably had the best time of everyone who went with us and I think it's because we went just to be happy and free and enjoy the blessing of being able to go. We had no burdens on us- we left those at home. The lust of the flesh and the pride of life that enslaved others and made them miserable did not have power over us. Even though going away meant we were away from our troubles and free from our usual restraint we did not have the means to let our flesh run rampant and control us. We did not have the flesh to take over and ruin the things God has done. This trip showed me how God has worked on us and the things that we unknowingly have become under the pressure we have faced.
Everything God does is for our good and His glory. I don't think I could have had the time I had and the satisfaction I continue to enjoy from it if it wasn't for the past few months we've had.
People at work today kept saying, 'I'm so jealous you got to go away'. I doubt they're serious but it made me think about something I always think about when it comes to jealousy and envy: you don't know the cost.
Sure I got to go away on an all inclusive vacation to a tropical place but would you be willing to go through the last six months of my life to be able to do that? If I described those six months to you, I bet you wouldn't.
During this time of pressure and change I've often looked at others- like in Costco sometimes when people's carts are bursting with food, books, and toys- and envied them for a moment. Then I remember that I don't know what they are going home to, what they will face tomorrow, what they have faced, and whether or not they will go to heaven. Even though our cart has just the basic necessities in it, I wouldn't trade places with them for the world because I am right where God wants me and I am going to heaven for sure.

Mexico

It's been a very hectic week for me- I worked full time hours because we had to receive a lot of new merchandise and flip the whole store. The last two mornings I started at 6:30 and last night I couldn't settle down enough to sleep until past midnight so I'm running on very few hours sleep.
We had lots to do today after I got off at 3- my husband, son, and I are headed off to Mexico for eight days. I am hoping with all my heart I will have time to finish my Halloween post that I was supposed to finish for Halloween but couldn't.
We're known about our trip to Mexico since last Christmas so it's been something to look forward to but also something so distant it didn't seem real. Even now with my bags packed and house tidy, I don't feel the excitement and anticipation that normally accompanies vacations.
It will be a proper vacation for us though because it's all inclusive- we don't have to cook or anything. We get to explore and swim and relax and I'm hoping to get a pedicure at some point at the spa.
Other things I'd like to do are buy lots of beads (because I'm back into beading apparently), buy a Mexican dress, and buy a big floppy hat. Yep. I dream of spending money...
More non material things I'd like to do is spend lots of time with my son who I don't get to see as often as I used to and I miss him, give the gospel out, and spend at least one evening alone with my husband.
I'll post pictures and tell of my adventures (if any) while I'm there hopefully!

Suck It Up

So in case you haven't noticed, things have changed a lot for my family and I since the beginning of September.
We're adapting the best we can and it helps that our son is very flexible. All the changes mean he's been going to bed between nine and eleven o'clock most nights then getting up early. He's been a trooper about it. We've also been unable to attend the things we would normally attend which is kind of a bummer but it's just the reality of our situation right now.

People keep asking me how I feel about going back to work and I've been telling them that I'm still figuring out my feelings on the matter.
When it finally sunk in that I was going back to work I was absolutely wretched about it. It meant I had to leave my son and not be at home to take care of everything. As the time approached I began to be excited about the change- curious about what it would do to our family and interested to see what it would reveal about me. When work finally started, I found it very restful to be away. We were opening a brand new store which is very busy and exciting. Now that excitement of opening has died down, I find work a lot less restful and a lot more to worry about. We're having staffing issues so I'm unable to spend as much time in the backroom as I need to. There's also Christmas coming up and I hate Christmas in retail.
Part of me is pretty whiny about having to go back to work. Frankly it depresses me that I'm working again. When I left my job in January 2013, a month before I gave birth to my son, I intended never again to go to work. My 'job' would be taking care of my husband, baby, and home.
Now I'm back in a retail store, having to smile at customers, NOT looking forward to the craze of Christmas, and trying to do everything to the best I can do while many of my coworkers don't.
The fact is I don't want to work at all.
The other part of me, whenever I get complain-y in my mind, is ever there to chime in 'suck it up'. Working outside my home is not what I want but it is what is necessary right now. There are two women in my life right now that work out of necessity for their families. Every time I look at my schedule and heart drops at the hours I have to put in, I think of those two women- they do so much more than I do. We do what we have to do for our families and it does take self sacrifice. I'm very fortunate that my husband can watch my son most times and my sister is there to watch him when neither of us can (thanks so much, Aber).
I'm incredibly grateful for the women in my life and the way God points things out about them to me to give me perspective on things going on in my life. It's not a physical struggle I am going through with this. This is a mental struggle wherein I need to control my thoughts and keep my mind. The most helpful people when it comes to things going on in your mind are the people who don't really say or do anything to help you. I was down a little while ago and I was with a woman from church and she just told me about her experiences. She didn't advise me and tell me what to do. She just told me what had happened to her. It was all the strength I needed. When it comes to the ladies that are most helpful in getting my mind in the right place- they have never said anything, they just go quietly about their business serving God. They may never know what a blessing it is to me, how their sacrifices helped more than just their family. The biggest blessing about it, is that they're doing it when no one is watching, for no other reason than that its the right thing.
It is seriously the worst when people come up and give you all kinds of advice and all their 'knowledge' on things they really don't know about- because no one ever knows anything about what's going on with you. Inevitably when things are going wrong, people question whether you're in God's will or not or think you sinned so you're being punished. It makes it harder when you yourself keep asking those questions and God gives you an answer and you're sure of it. The woman who helped me on my down day told me one thing and it had nothing to do with me- 'we were right in the middle of God's will but we were struggling'. No one knows the recesses of someone else's mind. No one can know the deep dark thoughts, the questions, the tears, the struggles you go through just to get through a bad day. Yet they see small part of it at some point or another, put on the 'Holy Spirit' suit, and try to tell you what they think God wants you to hear. You. Don't. Know. You don't know the passages of scripture we read, what we pray for, the way God answers, the way God leads.
Unsolicited advice is never heeded- as I like to say and as many like to say. Just shut up and do right and you will encourage and influence the people who need it most.

And so, I am working because God put me there. The way the job came up, the way it was offered, the position I have, the experience that I have, have all clearly been designed by God.
There are three things lately that have put me in rough spots, spots I do not like, would never approve of, but God has given me the wisdom to see the good those things have done and the benefit to our family.
He always gives you the grace to do His will, and if you look at it His way instead of your own way, He'll teach you things and show you why you're there.
Over the last few weeks I've been able to spend lots of time in my backroom talking to my stock people and I've been able to share the gospel with three of them.
Going in, I knew my focus had to be winning souls and I forget where I was when this verse was read to me- either in church or a ladies bible study I've been going to:

For even the Son of man came not to be

ministered unto, but to minister, and to give

his life a ransom for many.

Mark 10:45

I'm not comparing myself to Christ and I'm not saying I'm giving my life for the people I'm working with.

When this was read to me I heard 'came not to be ministered unto, but to minister' and it occurred to me that that's why I'm working, I'm working where I'm working, and I'm working with the people I'm working with. I'm there to minister to others. 

I hope this helps you in some small way.

Work

Once again it has been a long time since I have written.
Once again it's not for the lack of interest but for the lack of time.

Things have been going on in my house that have in many ways paralyzed us and only the necessary things have been done.
Another thing is I unexpectedly came across a job and I'm now working part time. Initially I was only supposed to help open the store (it's a clothing store) but I was offered a job as their stock/ops manager.
It was all very sudden and we prayed lots about it and we are confident that taking it and pursuing it is the Lord's will.
I was offered another job but chose not to take it- after praying very hard about it- and it turned out to be the absolute right decision. Had I not made that decision myself, it would have been made for me.

Being back at work is not so bad. It gives me time away from home where I don't have to worry about my son or making sure I'm being productive. I find myself a lot more peaceful now because I get more quiet time than I had been throughout the summer.
I've noticed the bond between my son and husband is stronger because they're spending more time together and my son is more independent now.
It will be interesting balancing work and home but I am looking forward to that challenge.
I am most pleased that I will mostly NOT be working on the floor dealing with customers. The back room is my domain and I am in charge of it. We are an outlet store so we will have lots of stock coming in every week. I also get a discount on clothes which makes me happy.

There's lots to write about but my mind is not so clear as to allow me to write it for others to read.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, if you are indeed praying for us.