I haven't been feeling well today- I went for a drive while hungry which makes me nauseated. I then got a headache at home and now my throat is hurting along with the back of my head.
I've been wanting to write, about Father's Day in particular, but I didn't know what to write about.
A few minutes ago I was reading my son some bedtime stories and as I put him to bed it occurred to me that I should write about his father.
This post is inspired by a woman who wrote a letter like this to her son.
Boaz, Let Me Tell You About Your Dad,
I remember the night we picked out your name. We were lying in bed and joking around about names like Jehoshaphat, Nebuchadnezzar and things like that. In the spirit of the moment I laughingly suggested Boaz and we both paused. In my mind it sounded funny but out loud it sounded... dope.
Your dad said, 'I kind of like that,'
I said, 'me too,'
and he said, 'what about a middle name?'
We picked a middle name out and your whole name was perfect. That was it.
You didn't even exist yet. I wouldn't be pregnant with you for at least another year.
When I finally was pregnant, we knew we wouldn't find out the gender, but we called you 'little Boaz' anyway.
When you were finally born and we got a good look at you there was no question that you have your father's face and that perfect middle name changed to your father's first name, Michael.
I love your name, not just because it sounds cool but because of what it means: By strength, and then Michael: who is like God?
The first thing you should know is that your father prays. He prays all the time. Prayer is a very personal thing to him. He never prayed out loud until he and I got married. My prayer life changed when I met him. He was the one who taught me to pray way down to the nitty gritty. In every situation we've been in, his reaction has always been to pray first. Mine is usually to freak out then read a Psalm to calm down. Your father always prays. It's not something you see, but it's there.
One of the things I love about your father is he is grounded. He knows who he is and what he believes.
He cannot be manipulated but he is readily able to learn from his mistakes and grow into the man he needs to be for you. His mind is strong in what's right and that's what dictates the choices he makes.
He is not fooled by false doctrine and he is not fooled by false teachers. He stands steadily on what the bible says.
He is not swayed by peer pressure. He knows what he likes, what he wants, and how he wants it.
He likes the simple things. Right now he is playing a video game while I sit here typing. The TV he is playing on was a birthday gift to me from some family members. He always says it's, 'the greatest TV ever'. It makes me laugh because it's not the biggest TV, it's not super technical HD or anything, but it's the nicest TV we'll probably ever have and your father is grateful for it.
He never needs a lot- he likes his steak with just salt and pepper on it. He likes his burger meat with just salt and pepper in it. He never has to have brand name things because he just doesn't care. The only time he ever talks about new clothes is when his current ones are worn down. Nothing needs to be fancy as long as it works right. That goes for everything. Recently someone was talking to him about aspiring to be rich, he responded that he doesn't want to be rich, he just wants to be able to provide for his family.
For as long as I've known him he's always just been thankful- thankful for whatever he's had in whatever situation. He always appreciates things and he always expresses it. I know I am blessed here because I'm sure there are women out there who's husbands don't tell them they love them throughout the day or compliment them on things or even notice how hard they work.
You won't know this until you're older but he is always telling you the things he loves about you, 'you're a cute little boy, Bo' he says. You bring a lot of delight to him and he likes to bring delight to you.
He is self sacrificing. He does what it takes to get the job done. He works hard. Not many people realize the pain he is in sometimes. His job now- and the one before- have taken their toll on him. Still, he works hard, he does things right, he is diligent.
Your father is logical to a fault. While most of us look at things from a mixture of logic and emotion, he looks at everything with plain logic. He takes everything said to their logical conclusion and throws it out if its unreasonable. It can be frustrating sometimes but then you finally realize that this way of handling things takes you right to the heart of every matter. You are able to weigh your thoughts and actions objectively. You're able to see through yourself right to your motivation. This kills %99 of the 'fluff' that's in you. This is likely why your father is so grounded: he doesn't mess with things that aren't logical or biblically founded.
All that being said, don't get into an argument with him. Just don't. Don't even think about it. You'll lose and lose miserably.
He is a gentle giant. One thing he does not know is how intimidating he is. He is very tall and has serious eyes but he does not realize how this comes across to those of us who are shorter.
He has never used his size aggressively. He is gentle. Very gentle. More gentle than I am.
He doesn't hurt people. At least not on purpose. His honestly and straightforwardness can sting sometimes but it does not come from maliciousness. When he is straightforward with you, it means he trusts that you will take it right. He doesn't take the sword out on just anyone. He does not talk about something with someone if he can't be transparent with them about it.
He is forgiving. I don't think he's capable of holding a grudge. Someone said something downright rude to him not long ago. He told me about it and it made me angry. Your father simply said, 'I'm dropping it' and that was all. It took me longer to let it go and I wasn't even there to witness it.
He doesn't bring up the past. He doesn't say 'you always...' unless it's a serious problem. He lets things go and moves forward.
He loves to drive. I think all men do and your father is no exception. He likes going on little road trips and often takes the 'scenic route'. He likes the word 'bucolic' and I think he sets out to find bucolic drives. We have an epic family road trip planned, Lord willing, for when you get older.
He loves juice, cereal, sourdough, coffee, barbecuing, pizza, nectarines, blueberries, spartan and macintosh apples (but he's picky about them, mind you), and ice cream. He loves reading and will read all day if you let him. He is very silly. He is a good writer- something not many people know about him. He wants to keep bees. He love love loves golfing. He's peaceful, he doesn't like things disrupting the peace of our home.
He often talks about things that will make him a good father. He wants to instruct you in the ways that are right. He wants you to be saved and in the will of God. It means the most to him to encourage you in your relationship with God; he doesn't want to hinder it by hypocrisy.
There you are, Bo, just some things about your dad. There is a lot more to him then this but these are the things that stick out to me after close to six years of marriage.
God blessed you with a good daddy, Bo.
Sunday, 19 June 2016
Tuesday, 14 June 2016
Never Say Never
I've taught the young ones in my Bible Class for probably eight months now and we've gotten to know each other. During our first few months of lessons I would ask if they had questions or comments and I'd get silly comments and insincere questions.
Lately, though, the kids have been on a roll giving me perfect examples of the lessons from their own lives. I'm not sure what it is but it gives me joy.
Two Sundays ago I was teaching on Mary who poured spikenard on Jesus' head. I noted the disciples' indignation at her and told the children that other people will try to tell you what to do with what God has given you. I told them that we all have different convictions and that we can't judge other people for their convictions because God deals with us all differently.
I tried to use one example about clothes that didn't work so then I moved to a more obvious example: alcohol.
They all understood this right away and one said, "I will never drink alcohol!"
I smiled at her while all my years ran through my head and I said, "never say never," and moved on with my example.
Later on as I thought about it, God told me that my response was not edifying.
"Never say never," is a pessimistic way of looking at the matter.
I know why I said that. I said that because I know that we get put into situations we never dreamed of being in, our emotions and feelings get the better of us and suddenly we're doing something we never thought we'd do.
I missed a good time for good instruction.
Fortunately, this past Sunday we had a few things to do and I couldn't start our new character study- Mary Magdalene. As I prayed about what to teach about God pointed out my 'never say never' comment and told me to fix it.
This is one of those things that are a good reminder for all of us. I wrote this post on Saturday night but I left off publishing it to today. Thinking about it all last week has reminded me of things God has dealt with me on in the past and things I must continually remember. I hope it helps.
Proverbs 27:1- Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.
James 4:13-17- Go to now, ye that say, To day or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:
Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? it is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
For that ye ought to say, if the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.
But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.
Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
We don't know where we will wind up, what we will do, and what we will be. Nothing is for certain in this life except the Bible. The bible is full of examples of people who thought their lives were going one way only to be in a completely different situation from one day to the next. We can't say we'll never do something because we really do not know.
The only thing we can do, is guard against sin that may tempt us.
Luke 22:40- And when he was at the place, he said unto them, Pray that ye enter not into temptation.
This is in the garden of Gethsemane and Jesus knows what is about to happen. He is about to be taken by force, his disciples would be scattered from Him, and Peter would betray Him. He tells them to pray so they would not enter into temptation. Instead they go to sleep. I wonder if Peter would have betrayed Christ three times had he been praying there instead of sleeping.
That verse is there for us too: pray that ye enter not into temptation.
There is so much to pray about in those words since there are so many things that can lead the children, and us, into temptation.
Some things to pray about:
-staying away from ungodly influences
-staying away from ungodly people
-keeping out of situations that can lead to temptation
-staying in the Word and praying
-staying in church
-obeying their parents
-getting good counsel from godly elders
-protection from wolves in sheep's clothing
-protection in general
There are so many things that can happen to us at any given moment. It is only by God's grace that we are protected, whole, and unblemished by the world.
My mother-in-law works with young women who have been trafficked and the girls in the horrifying stories she tells (only when I ask, she doesn't volunteer them) were once just like some of the girls I teach now.
It's God's grace that protects them, that has protected me, that has protected their parents.
They need to be prayed up and ready for whatever comes their way.
After praying, they need to make the decision now. It was a good thing she said, that she will never drink alcohol, it is good that she has made up her mind in that.
One of the best things I've ever heard a preacher say is that we are to live by principle and not by feeling. Our feelings change from one day to another- sometimes from one minute to the next- we can't rely on them especially since they often go against God.
I am run a lot on emotion- this 'I don't feel like it' nonsense that gets me no where. That kind of things coddles your flesh and you wind up away from God because you'll always choose your flesh rather than what's right. In every choice it can't be whether I feel like it or not but what is right or wrong or what is good or greater.
During the lesson one child gave an example where some of her friends were talking about a show she had never seen before and her friends were commenting that the bad. She never watched it and didn't know what it was about but she agreed with them. Then they started talking about a show she really liked and they said it was dumb. Well, she agreed with them there too even though it was her favourite show. (It really encouraged me that she could look at her actions and judge them the way she did) This is just a great example of making choices by feeling rather than principle. These small things come up everyday and test our character. Will we choose to be honest because God commands it or will we justify a lie by how we feel?
When we are right with God, when we are unemotionally attached, we need to purpose in our hearts to do right.
For the children a big one will be keeping themselves pure until marriage. Other ones include keeping away from bad company, watching their language, subjecting themselves to authority, and living what they are at church at home.
They need to decide to do it now so that when the time comes, they've already made the choice and it's the right one.
I saw this once and it rang true for me:
I remember seeing this and being struck by what great advice it is. All those things- replies, promises, decisions- need reason, logic, and an even mind. Our emotions destroy all reason.
Lately, though, the kids have been on a roll giving me perfect examples of the lessons from their own lives. I'm not sure what it is but it gives me joy.
Two Sundays ago I was teaching on Mary who poured spikenard on Jesus' head. I noted the disciples' indignation at her and told the children that other people will try to tell you what to do with what God has given you. I told them that we all have different convictions and that we can't judge other people for their convictions because God deals with us all differently.
I tried to use one example about clothes that didn't work so then I moved to a more obvious example: alcohol.
They all understood this right away and one said, "I will never drink alcohol!"
I smiled at her while all my years ran through my head and I said, "never say never," and moved on with my example.
Later on as I thought about it, God told me that my response was not edifying.
"Never say never," is a pessimistic way of looking at the matter.
I know why I said that. I said that because I know that we get put into situations we never dreamed of being in, our emotions and feelings get the better of us and suddenly we're doing something we never thought we'd do.
I missed a good time for good instruction.
Fortunately, this past Sunday we had a few things to do and I couldn't start our new character study- Mary Magdalene. As I prayed about what to teach about God pointed out my 'never say never' comment and told me to fix it.
This is one of those things that are a good reminder for all of us. I wrote this post on Saturday night but I left off publishing it to today. Thinking about it all last week has reminded me of things God has dealt with me on in the past and things I must continually remember. I hope it helps.
Proverbs 27:1- Boast not thyself of to morrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth.
James 4:13-17- Go to now, ye that say, To day or tomorrow we will go into such a city, and continue there a year, and buy and sell, and get gain:
Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? it is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.
For that ye ought to say, if the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.
But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.
Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.
We don't know where we will wind up, what we will do, and what we will be. Nothing is for certain in this life except the Bible. The bible is full of examples of people who thought their lives were going one way only to be in a completely different situation from one day to the next. We can't say we'll never do something because we really do not know.
The only thing we can do, is guard against sin that may tempt us.
Luke 22:40- And when he was at the place, he said unto them, Pray that ye enter not into temptation.
This is in the garden of Gethsemane and Jesus knows what is about to happen. He is about to be taken by force, his disciples would be scattered from Him, and Peter would betray Him. He tells them to pray so they would not enter into temptation. Instead they go to sleep. I wonder if Peter would have betrayed Christ three times had he been praying there instead of sleeping.
That verse is there for us too: pray that ye enter not into temptation.
There is so much to pray about in those words since there are so many things that can lead the children, and us, into temptation.
Some things to pray about:
-staying away from ungodly influences
-staying away from ungodly people
-keeping out of situations that can lead to temptation
-staying in the Word and praying
-staying in church
-obeying their parents
-getting good counsel from godly elders
-protection from wolves in sheep's clothing
-protection in general
There are so many things that can happen to us at any given moment. It is only by God's grace that we are protected, whole, and unblemished by the world.
My mother-in-law works with young women who have been trafficked and the girls in the horrifying stories she tells (only when I ask, she doesn't volunteer them) were once just like some of the girls I teach now.
It's God's grace that protects them, that has protected me, that has protected their parents.
They need to be prayed up and ready for whatever comes their way.
After praying, they need to make the decision now. It was a good thing she said, that she will never drink alcohol, it is good that she has made up her mind in that.
One of the best things I've ever heard a preacher say is that we are to live by principle and not by feeling. Our feelings change from one day to another- sometimes from one minute to the next- we can't rely on them especially since they often go against God.
I am run a lot on emotion- this 'I don't feel like it' nonsense that gets me no where. That kind of things coddles your flesh and you wind up away from God because you'll always choose your flesh rather than what's right. In every choice it can't be whether I feel like it or not but what is right or wrong or what is good or greater.
During the lesson one child gave an example where some of her friends were talking about a show she had never seen before and her friends were commenting that the bad. She never watched it and didn't know what it was about but she agreed with them. Then they started talking about a show she really liked and they said it was dumb. Well, she agreed with them there too even though it was her favourite show. (It really encouraged me that she could look at her actions and judge them the way she did) This is just a great example of making choices by feeling rather than principle. These small things come up everyday and test our character. Will we choose to be honest because God commands it or will we justify a lie by how we feel?
When we are right with God, when we are unemotionally attached, we need to purpose in our hearts to do right.
For the children a big one will be keeping themselves pure until marriage. Other ones include keeping away from bad company, watching their language, subjecting themselves to authority, and living what they are at church at home.
They need to decide to do it now so that when the time comes, they've already made the choice and it's the right one.
I saw this once and it rang true for me:
Be sober, be vigilant; because our adversary the
devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom
he may devour:
1 Peter 5:8
There are those big things- like addiction to drugs and alcohol- then the seemingly little things- like cussing when your parents aren't around. Either way, they, and we need to guard ourselves against it before we're even faced with the temptation to do it. Satan will use both small and big things to devour us is we're not careful.
My prayer for each of the children I teach is that they stay faithful to God. This won't happen, or at least I won't help it happen, if I'm not using what they give me to teach them. In other words, I need to use every opportunity to turn their minds to Christ.
I love the way the children challenge me. They teach me so much and I don't think they'll ever know it. I can only hope and pray that God uses me, even a little bit, to encourage them spiritually.
Thursday, 9 June 2016
Important Thoughts
The heart is deceitful above all things, and
desperately wicked: who can know it?
Jeremiah 17:9
I struggled a lot with my last post because I know it is incomplete. While it was about marital harmony and how our thoughts impact that, it's far more important to acknowledge that our thoughts effect our relationship with God first. All our relationships and everything in life fall into their proper place when you put God at the top and focus on pleasing Him.
The verse above from Jeremiah tells us that we are inherently wicked: our hearts are not naturally right with God. This means that we can't just let our hearts be as they are. We can't follow our hearts because they'll lead us to Hell- unless you're saved then they'll lead you away from God and a fruitless life.
Our hearts require work:
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the
issues of life.
Proverbs 4:23
The first time the word keep shows up in the bible is Genesis 2:15:
And the LORD God took the man, and put him into
the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.
Keep has to do with taking care of and tending to. Not only that, it means to guard:
So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east
of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword
which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of
life.
Genesis 3:34
Keep- tend, care, guard- your heart with all diligence. That means put effort into it, put work into it, track down every rabbit down every hole and find out where it leads. In other words, if your natural reaction is wrong in certain situations or you have thoughts and feelings that are not right, look into the heart of the matter.
Take covetousness, for example, covetousness comes from ingratitude, which comes from pride, which is thinking you better than you are and deserve better than you have. I know this because it is a problem with me, God told me so, I've searched it out and am wary of it. God hates covetousness- in Exodus 18 one of his stipulations for rulers was that they hated covetousness- so letting it reign in me, even for a short while, separates me from Him. Covetousness in me in just one example and one I'm slowly getting the victory over. I'm learning there are many facets to covetousness and it can effect my motivation for everything I do if I'm not right with God.
Whatever your besetting sin is, I promise you, it comes from the heart. Chase that rabbit down that hole and it will lead you deep into your heart. I'm covetous because I am proud, vain, and I deeply care what other people think about me. It's my minutely task to correct those things. It's actually easy to humble myself: I remember my habits, stupid decisions, and how slow I actually am; but it's also very easy to forget when pride and self preservation creep in.
Whatever your besetting sin is, I promise you, it comes from the heart. Chase that rabbit down that hole and it will lead you deep into your heart. I'm covetous because I am proud, vain, and I deeply care what other people think about me. It's my minutely task to correct those things. It's actually easy to humble myself: I remember my habits, stupid decisions, and how slow I actually am; but it's also very easy to forget when pride and self preservation creep in.
So stay in the Word. The more you're in the Word the more God points things out to you. The more you surround yourself with good influences, the more in contact you are with God throughout your day, the more the Holy Spirit will guide you, point things out to you, and teach you. I wouldn't know I have a problem with covetousness if I wasn't spending time in the Word. There are things God is teaching me now that I would not know if I didn't read and study. Reading the Word helps you arm yourself against those sins our hearts are naturally inclined to. As you get to know yourself better in light of what God thinks, the Holy Spirit helps you dodge your besetting sin and make godly choices. You have to replace what is in your heart with what God thinks about it- that means staying in the Word.
The thing is, your mind is usually the first place you sin. We can get pharisee-ical about this because no one but God sees our minds. It's ironic that the thing that's hidden from others is the thing we need to guard most vigilantly.
The thing is, your mind is usually the first place you sin. We can get pharisee-ical about this because no one but God sees our minds. It's ironic that the thing that's hidden from others is the thing we need to guard most vigilantly.
Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time,
Thou shalt not commit adultery:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a
woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with
her already in his heart.
Matthew 5:27&28
Taking into account the religious system of that day (the Pharisees and Sadducees) and the law, it looks as though the 'righteous' people were abstaining from the physical sin but allowing it free reign in their hearts and minds. This is partially why Jesus was on the Pharisees all the time (as we'll see later): they manipulated their appearance and tailored their actions to affect holiness and piety all the while their insides were rotting with unchecked pride and arrogance. They were so committed to their outward appearance, they 'ommitted the weightier matters of the law' which were 'judgment, mercy, and faith'(Matthew 23:23c).
Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye
know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.
1 John 3:15
God wants inward obedience first. It's not enough to say, 'I've never killed someone'. Hatred is murder in God's Book. Your outward actions don't mean anything if your heart is not right with God.
For example:
Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so
let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God
loveth a cheerful giver.
2 Corinthians 9:7
Don't give if you don't want to
Don't give because you think you have to
Give because you love God
Inward obedience. You'll worry less and less about your physical actions and how others perceive you if you focus on pleasing God from the inside.
That's not to say our physical actions do not effect our relationship with God. Keeping your heart is the first line of defence against physical sin. The things you let dwell in your heart will come up into your mind and eventually out your mouth, through your feet, your eyes, your hands.
O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak
good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the
mouth speaketh.
A good man out of the good treasure of the heart
bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the
evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.
But I say unto you, That every idle word that men
shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day
of judgment.
For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy
words thou shalt be condemned.
Matthew 12:34-37
Okay, if that last verse doesn't scare you, there's something wrong with you. We are held accountable for the words we say, whatever they are, even in jest.
Those words above are Jesus' words, they shouldn't be taken lightly. Whatever is in your heart will come out your mouth. You cannot disguise the wickedness of your heart for long.
An example closer to home is my own treasure: myself. I know I'm my treasure because everything I do from getting up early to what to wear to what to eat is decided by what will make ME happy and keep me comfortable. Now, by God's grace, I don't behave solely for myself everyday. I want to worship God so I get up early, I want to raise a healthy, God fearing child, so I spend most of my day focusing on him and his needs, I want to please my husband so I put him before myself. Certainly all those things add to my happiness and comfort but they require more work then I'd naturally like to put in. I know this because I get delirious without 'me time', my husband knows this so he takes my son to Home Depot or out for ice cream to give me a break (isn't he wonderful?).
A long time ago I was watching an interview with a retired NBA player who I believe is french Canadian and won the championship with Larry Bird. The interviewer asked why he wasn't wearing his ring and he replied, 'I don't need to. I know what I did, it doesn't matter if others know'. That struck me and I've never forgotten it. It convicts me every time I want to say 'look what I did'. I still do, don't mistake me, but I try not to. Better than we ourselves knowing, God knows, and He's the one storing our treasures in heaven.
I honestly think all of us treasure ourselves first whether we like to admit it or not. Sometimes my motives for doing good things make me very ashamed because it's 100% selfish. Sometimes people say things that I find out of place and then it occurs to me that they are protecting themselves or guarding my thoughts about them. Then I realize that I do the same.
The only thing to do about this is to continually correct our treasure.
Yesterday morning, for example, it was going on 7:45 and I was snoozing comfortably, really not wanting to get up to do my devotions when the thought occurred to me, 'God gets no glory out of this', or something like that, and I got up. My treasure should be God but it naturally is not. Me being my own treasure was ruling until I remembered that I exist to glorify and worship God.
You see, our inward thoughts effect our relationship with God more than almost anything we do physically because our physical sins are the result of what was borne and bred in our minds before that.
Just like myself and covetousness: I tend to waste a lot of money on things I don't need because I need more more more so I can look good for myself. Pride= covetousness= wasting money. That's a light example, I can think of other things borne from covetousness that I'd be too ashamed to admit to on here.
I hope this was a help to you. I don't know what thoughts you struggle with and what your besetting sins are. I hope my own examples give you an idea of where to start. I've written this post several times because I know its so important. My first post about thoughts didn't present the groundwork for maintaining one's thought life. Sometimes on this blog I just plow through thinking everyone has been saved for twenty years and knows what I know about the bible. That's just not so.
This topic is so expansive and I think I just barley nicked the surface of it. I hope at least it gives you a good idea of God's thoughts on the matter and helps you realize the importance of guarding your heart against sin.
Your whole life will benefit from it.
Those words above are Jesus' words, they shouldn't be taken lightly. Whatever is in your heart will come out your mouth. You cannot disguise the wickedness of your heart for long.
So the question is, what are you letting sit unchecked in your heart and mind?
For where your treasure is, there will your heart be
also.
Matthew 6:21
The Pharisees, for example, exalted themselves in their own minds so they did things to cause other people to exalt them. They made broad their phylacteries, they loved to be called Rabbi, they made long prayers, they paid tithe of mint, anise, and cummin all to be seen of men (see Matthew 23). As Dr. Peacock says they were 'legends in their own mind; the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral'.
If you want to know what means most to you, what your treasure is, examine your choices and see what is the deciding factor.
An example closer to home is my own treasure: myself. I know I'm my treasure because everything I do from getting up early to what to wear to what to eat is decided by what will make ME happy and keep me comfortable. Now, by God's grace, I don't behave solely for myself everyday. I want to worship God so I get up early, I want to raise a healthy, God fearing child, so I spend most of my day focusing on him and his needs, I want to please my husband so I put him before myself. Certainly all those things add to my happiness and comfort but they require more work then I'd naturally like to put in. I know this because I get delirious without 'me time', my husband knows this so he takes my son to Home Depot or out for ice cream to give me a break (isn't he wonderful?).
A long time ago I was watching an interview with a retired NBA player who I believe is french Canadian and won the championship with Larry Bird. The interviewer asked why he wasn't wearing his ring and he replied, 'I don't need to. I know what I did, it doesn't matter if others know'. That struck me and I've never forgotten it. It convicts me every time I want to say 'look what I did'. I still do, don't mistake me, but I try not to. Better than we ourselves knowing, God knows, and He's the one storing our treasures in heaven.
I honestly think all of us treasure ourselves first whether we like to admit it or not. Sometimes my motives for doing good things make me very ashamed because it's 100% selfish. Sometimes people say things that I find out of place and then it occurs to me that they are protecting themselves or guarding my thoughts about them. Then I realize that I do the same.
The only thing to do about this is to continually correct our treasure.
Yesterday morning, for example, it was going on 7:45 and I was snoozing comfortably, really not wanting to get up to do my devotions when the thought occurred to me, 'God gets no glory out of this', or something like that, and I got up. My treasure should be God but it naturally is not. Me being my own treasure was ruling until I remembered that I exist to glorify and worship God.
You see, our inward thoughts effect our relationship with God more than almost anything we do physically because our physical sins are the result of what was borne and bred in our minds before that.
Do ye not understand, that whatsoever entereth
in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out
into the draught?
But those things which proceed out of the mouth
come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders,
adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness,
blasphemies:
These are the things which defile a man: but to eat
with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
Matthew 15:17-20
Notice how most of those things- murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, blasphemy- are physical sins but two of them, as noted before, can be done in the mind. Sin is born and bred in our hearts.
So clean your heart up:
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!
for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the
platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.
Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is
within the cup and platter, that the outside of them
may be clean also.
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!
for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed
appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead
men's bones, and of all uncleanness.
Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto
men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.
Matthew 23: 25-28
Jesus could not be plainer. Though you may appear clean, godly, and put together on the outside, if your inside is run over with excess, extortion, pride, arrogance, greed, and the like: your outside is just as dirty, though man cannot tell at first.
I would venture to say that a person who drinks alcohol but is completely without guile, kind, generous, and sweet has a better relationship with God than a person who avoids alcohol but inside is selfish, malicious, prideful (because they don't drink), and a respecter of persons. Obviously it's not the drinker with the problem- it's the non drinker.
I would venture to say that a person who drinks alcohol but is completely without guile, kind, generous, and sweet has a better relationship with God than a person who avoids alcohol but inside is selfish, malicious, prideful (because they don't drink), and a respecter of persons. Obviously it's not the drinker with the problem- it's the non drinker.
What do you do?
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after
the flesh:
(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but
mighty through God to the pulling down of strong
holds;)
Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that
exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and
bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience
of Christ;
2 Corinthians 10:3-5
I used to worry a lot and get paranoid for no reason. One day in my bible reading I came across the above passage and the bolded verse struck me. It is a very powerful verse to me.
The command is strong: bring it into captivity and cast it down.
I was going through a very difficult time with worry when I read this passage. I was pregnant, but I didn't know it yet (I found out at 11 weeks) and I had suddenly been bombarded by my imagination running rampant with frightful things I was afraid would happen.
The only way I could comfort myself was memorizing scripture and quoting it to myself whenever I began to get paranoid. It was during this time that God led me to that verse and taught me what to do.
Whenever you think something sinful, cast it down.
My worrying for example, was a lack of trust in God so I would bring my worrisome thoughts into captivity with Psalm 91. It didn't take long for my worries to abate and finally disappear.
I still become fearful, I still worry but I'm armed with the shield of faith and the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. Those things protect your mind. You just have to use them.
A bad thought come into your head? Push it out and apologize to God. Acknowledge it was wrong. Our thoughts will never be clean this side of heaven, bad things come up all the time but weeding those bad thoughts out prevent bitterness, hate, and wrath from breeding.
Unity, peace, and kindness come much easier when we don't allow ourselves to have bitter, angry, and evil thoughts about others in our mind. Mean thoughts come into my head all the time- I throw them out and apologize to God. I don't comment mean things to my husband about people- even if he would find it funny. It's giving place to the devil and his devices. It's amazing how much angst, division, strife, we can avoid by keeping a tight reign on our thoughts. It's amazing how much closer you can walk with God by casting out things that may seem harmless at fist.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and
clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with
all malice:
And be ye kind kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake
hath forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31&32
I hope this was a help to you. I don't know what thoughts you struggle with and what your besetting sins are. I hope my own examples give you an idea of where to start. I've written this post several times because I know its so important. My first post about thoughts didn't present the groundwork for maintaining one's thought life. Sometimes on this blog I just plow through thinking everyone has been saved for twenty years and knows what I know about the bible. That's just not so.
This topic is so expansive and I think I just barley nicked the surface of it. I hope at least it gives you a good idea of God's thoughts on the matter and helps you realize the importance of guarding your heart against sin.
Your whole life will benefit from it.
Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the
issues of life.
Proverbs 4:23
Thursday, 26 May 2016
Thoughts
A few posts ago I shared advice given by ladies from my church at our ladies night.
When all was said and done and I was able to look back on what my advice was, I thought I should have rather given what I am about to write in this post.
I didn't regret the advice I gave, I just thought I could have given something more helpful. Also I get really excited when I talk in front of people and I don't think I ever make much sense.
Anyways, someone who was there came up to me on Sunday and told me that what I said helped them. So clearly the Lord had me say that for a reason.
Right now though, if they were to ask me again I would give this advice: control your thoughts.
When I was first married I had no idea that a thought life existed and that it needed to be lassoed, roped up and brought to utter submission.
When all was said and done and I was able to look back on what my advice was, I thought I should have rather given what I am about to write in this post.
I didn't regret the advice I gave, I just thought I could have given something more helpful. Also I get really excited when I talk in front of people and I don't think I ever make much sense.
Anyways, someone who was there came up to me on Sunday and told me that what I said helped them. So clearly the Lord had me say that for a reason.
Right now though, if they were to ask me again I would give this advice: control your thoughts.
When I was first married I had no idea that a thought life existed and that it needed to be lassoed, roped up and brought to utter submission.
I didn't realize how strongly thoughts effected you and what they resulted in outside. Once I was married I was forced to edit (or parent) myself from my outward actions down to my smallest inward thought.
My work situation at the time gave me plenty of leave to think about things. I allowed myself to think covetously about clothes, I ranted against my husband, thought whatever I wanted of others, and tried to make myself out to be better than I was.
Needless to say, all these things manifested themselves on the outside:
My work situation at the time gave me plenty of leave to think about things. I allowed myself to think covetously about clothes, I ranted against my husband, thought whatever I wanted of others, and tried to make myself out to be better than I was.
Needless to say, all these things manifested themselves on the outside:
For as he thinketh in his heart so is he:
Proverbs 23:7a
And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without
understanding?
Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth
in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out
into the draught?
But those things which proceed out of the mouth
come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders,
adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness,
blasphemies:
These are the things which defile a man: but to eat
with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
Matthew 15:16-20
But all things that are reproved are made manifest
by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is
light.
Ephesians 5:13
And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without
understanding?
Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth
in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out
into the draught?
But those things which proceed out of the mouth
come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders,
adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness,
blasphemies:
These are the things which defile a man: but to eat
with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
Matthew 15:16-20
But all things that are reproved are made manifest
by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is
light.
Ephesians 5:13
Everything inside will eventually come out. It just takes time.
As one preacher said, things we consider great sins do not happen suddenly and are not out of character. Whatever it is that was done was the manifestation of what the person thought about and harboured in their heart. In other words, if a man cheats on his wife after 10 years of marriage, he was adulterous in his heart years before the actual physical act took place.
If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:
Psalm 66:18
The things we keep in our heart effects our relationship with God first. It has been said so many times that if we put God first in our lives and maintain a good relationship with Him, the rest of our relationships will fall into place and thrive.
This post is about my thought life in my marriage but don't mistake that my wicked thoughts were a result of a sin problem that was preventing a good relationship with God. All the changes I was able to make were a result of a consistent relationship with God and His mercy in pointing things out to me. If you stay in the Word God will show you things when you're out and about. At the exact right time He will reveal something to you that changes your world and the way you do things. I hope this post conveys that.
Thinking covetously about clothes was the fist thing to go because it was making me miserable. I could easily see the effects my thoughts were having on me and I cut it out immediately. God hates covetousness, by the way, see my post on it here.
Ranting against my husband in my mind took a long time. The problem with ranting in your mind is that you begin to imagine things, you blow things out of proportion, you gain confidence where you shouldn't, your pride builds up, and you lose all logic. Even if you are right to be angry about something, ranting in your mind about it will lose you the argument- you've lost all reason.
Since I often fought with my husband in my head, I often fought with him at home. It was bad for a while but then a few things happened to help actually consider what I was doing:
I stopped listening to debates- they were making me aggressive and belligerent.
I stopped taking birth control pills- I need to pause at this one because it really made a big difference in our marriage. When my husband and I spoke of this before we were married he advised me to avoid birth control pills. For me it was the simplest thing so I went on them. Now, there was a sin problem that needed to be taken care of and I can't blame the birth control. I will point out that as soon as I stopped taking them- about six months into my marriage- we fought less. It's a known fact that birth control plays with your hormones and I recall being bloated all the time and generally very uncomfortable.
After those things I read this verse:
An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips
there is a burning fire.
Proverbs 16:27
I knew that was me as soon as I read it. If anything I want to be godly so right then and there I repented of digging up evil and put away the burning fire in my lips.
I had a lot of damage to repair. I had been argumentative and volatile for months and it was how my husband expected me to react. I stopped letting small things get to me, I picked my battles wisely and instead of letting things fester, I'd calmly talk to my husband about it right away.
We stopped arguing but the healing process took a long time. I had a lot of hard of hard ground to break up and deep rooted weeds to pull out because of the bad seeds I had sown.
At a ladies retreat just over two years ago our speaker said this: ranting in your mind gives place to the devil.
The devil is trying to destroy your testimony and one of the ways he can do it is by destroying your marriage. Don't give him place.
The other thing about this is when you are right, react the right way. Being right about something or being the one who was wronged does not justify the way you react. Our example is Christ:
For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ
also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye
should follow his steps:
Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his
mouth:
Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when
he suffered he threatened not; but committed himself
to him that judgeth righteously:
1 Peter 2:21-23
Let God handle it. He'll give you more justice than you can give yourself.
The other way my thoughts were effecting my marriage was how I thought about myself. I was vain in a lot of ways when I had no reason to be.
One big thing was that I had to be the most beautiful woman and no one else could even be pretty.
We'd be watching TV, I'd feel threatened by someone else's beauty and I'd casually ask, 'do you think she's pretty?'. Well, there was no right answer to that question because if he said 'no' I wouldn't believe him and if he said 'yes' I'd just get mad at him. These situations resulted in a lot of those fights where you have no idea what you're fighting about, how it even started, but you will win at whatever cost.
I was walking home from work one day and it FINALLY occurred to me that I am not the prettiest, I'll never be, and I should accept it and be happy for people who are.
I repented of my vanity right away. What I did not expect was that I began to be a much happier and more grateful person.
This is really interesting because if you are thankful for what you are, what you have, and how God has blessed you- even when you are mediocre looking, you have little, and God has blessed you with hundreds of dollars rather than millions- you can be really happy and impervious to covetousness, pride, and the need to justify yourself.
A preacher said it like this, 'Don't be envious of people because you have no idea what it cost them to get what they have. Take David for example. God used him for great things but David's sin is written in the bible and will be left there for eternity. Are you willing to have your sin written in God's perfect Word for all to read for eternity?'
No. Not me.
As I learned these things I began to produce the following:
-I started just being happy for other people when they were better than me. This just sets you free. You don't feel anymore pressure to dress the best, look the best, be the smartest, or whatever is important to you. You get to just be and do what you can. It's so freeing.
-I stopped comparing myself to others because there is no comparison between people. God deals with us all differently, we all deal with different things, and simply saying, 'I would do it this way' just comes from what you know and what you've experienced- the other person has different knowledge and experience.
-I began to have more mercy on people. I made cream scones for sunday school one day and a child bit into one, spat it out, loudly complained that it was horrible, and threw the rest of it in the garbage. Before that would've offended me. Now I just look at that and feel sorry that that child doesn't have the manners not to react like that. It's the same way I look at scantily dressed teens in my neighbourhood, people who fall for false religions, and others who are on wayward paths. I feel sorry that they just don't know better and thankful that by God's grace (and ONLY by His grace) I do know better.
The last thing I needed to be rid of- at least get a handle on- was thinking too much about what my husband needed to change. It's so easy to listen to a sermon and think 'I hope he's listening. This is something he needs to hear' or read scripture and apply it to my husband (or anyone else for that matter).
The fact is, you can't change anyone. As Dr. Peacock says, 'if the Holy Spirit can't change them, what makes you think you can?'
My husband once told me that I am the best testimony to him when I quietly go about my business and serve the Lord. I have no idea when I was ever like that and I've seriously tried to attain to it since he told me that.
Something to remember is that unsolicited advice is never heeded. People- including your husband- are not going to listen to you in an area they do not want to be told what to do in.
As many preachers have pointed out: you won't be answering for them at the judgement seat. You'll be answering for yourself. Focus on your own shortcomings.
Now, this doesn't mean I don't tell my husband when I think he's doing something wrong. One time he decided to do something and I was very bothered by it. It did not effect me in any way but I felt very strongly that his conduct was wrong. That night I spoke to him very calmly and logically about it. He told me that I was right and he apologized.
There are things in both my husband and myself that need to change. There are many things we both fall short on. My reaction to my husband's shortcomings cannot be to correct them. My reaction has to be prayer.
God has worked a lot on me through the things I thought my husband needed to change. I don't know what's best. I don't know my husband's heart the way God does. I don't know anything I need to know about my husband. God does know and all I can do, as a good wife, is encourage my husband to do right and pray for him.
Once I stopped looking for ways my husband could improve I started appreciating him a whole lot more. I noticed good things about him I never did before. I started being more of an encouragement to him too because I was generally more positive toward him.
I hope I conveyed what a difference your thoughts make in your marriage. I can't say that I've completely stopped some of the things I've written about above. It's hard work but you've got to be picky about what you let in your mind.
This will be one of the joys of being in heaven: you won't have to worry about what you think anymore. It will just be right. You will open your mouth to say something and what you say will be right. You won't have to wonder what to do next and whether you're making the right decision or not. You'll know what's right and you'll do what's right.
On this side of heaven, however, all we can do is stay close to God by (trying) to keep our minds clean.
The fact is, you can't change anyone. As Dr. Peacock says, 'if the Holy Spirit can't change them, what makes you think you can?'
My husband once told me that I am the best testimony to him when I quietly go about my business and serve the Lord. I have no idea when I was ever like that and I've seriously tried to attain to it since he told me that.
Something to remember is that unsolicited advice is never heeded. People- including your husband- are not going to listen to you in an area they do not want to be told what to do in.
As many preachers have pointed out: you won't be answering for them at the judgement seat. You'll be answering for yourself. Focus on your own shortcomings.
Now, this doesn't mean I don't tell my husband when I think he's doing something wrong. One time he decided to do something and I was very bothered by it. It did not effect me in any way but I felt very strongly that his conduct was wrong. That night I spoke to him very calmly and logically about it. He told me that I was right and he apologized.
There are things in both my husband and myself that need to change. There are many things we both fall short on. My reaction to my husband's shortcomings cannot be to correct them. My reaction has to be prayer.
God has worked a lot on me through the things I thought my husband needed to change. I don't know what's best. I don't know my husband's heart the way God does. I don't know anything I need to know about my husband. God does know and all I can do, as a good wife, is encourage my husband to do right and pray for him.
Once I stopped looking for ways my husband could improve I started appreciating him a whole lot more. I noticed good things about him I never did before. I started being more of an encouragement to him too because I was generally more positive toward him.
I hope I conveyed what a difference your thoughts make in your marriage. I can't say that I've completely stopped some of the things I've written about above. It's hard work but you've got to be picky about what you let in your mind.
This will be one of the joys of being in heaven: you won't have to worry about what you think anymore. It will just be right. You will open your mouth to say something and what you say will be right. You won't have to wonder what to do next and whether you're making the right decision or not. You'll know what's right and you'll do what's right.
On this side of heaven, however, all we can do is stay close to God by (trying) to keep our minds clean.
For I know the things that come into your mind, every one of them.
Ezekiel 11:5d
Saturday, 14 May 2016
Peonies
After roses peonies are my favourite. I just love the colour of these ones too- just a hint of pink.
I've been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster recently. Lots of things are happening and I finally realized that God is teaching me things about my feelings and emotions.
There are times in life, at least in mine, where God says, 'this is a problem and it's stopping now'. He tightens the screws and reveals an area that needs go. A preacher said it like this: the Word is a two edged sword, it will break you or (if you let it) it will make the necessary clean, clear, and surgical cut that will heal and make you better.
All the things that God has put in my path have tested, tried, and proved me. By proved I mean shown me what is the heart of the matter. This is a hard surgery but I know it's a necessary one.
One thing that makes me happy is my garden. I ate a strawberry from it yesterday, my beans are growing, I already harvested some of my oregano, and I'm growing my favourite vegetable (brussel sprouts!).
I was walking through the yard a few weeks ago and I realized that I am living a dream. Not my ultimate dream (that may or may not include riding a horse every morning and a room full of yarn) but a dream.
My dream that I am living is this: we have a backyard, my son can play in it all day, I have a full garden with lots of roses, five peony plants, and plenty of other delightful things coming in. I've always wanted to have fresh flowers around my home and now I get to. My husband is doing work that makes him happy, I have a wonderful Bible class that edifies me, my family lives close, and my son likes spicy food.
This all may sound mediocre and uninteresting but I've found by experience that gratitude gives you strength.
We don't own our home and may possibly have to move in 3 months but we wouldn't have it any other way. I'm just grateful I got to see my peonies bloom, my roses will be next, maybe I'll eat a plum, an apricot, or a pear off one of our trees. I can't waste my time worrying. If we do have to leave our home in the near future I don't want to regret being ungrateful and wasting time wallowing in unedifying emotions.
So while God is teaching me hard things right now I can't fight against it and allow it to make me miserable. It's just waste of time. I have to approach it with gratitude. Grateful that this needs to go so that I am better off, happier, and a blessing to others in the future. Grateful that God knows the time is now- I'm ready for it.
I've learned this too: you are the most grateful when you truly realize that God is in control. He knows where you are, what happened, why it happened, and what He will make out of it. Looking at something from the perspective that God allowed it will help you learn from things you may think are insignificant.
I'm glad God is teaching me. I'm glad I've learned not to control everything around me. I'm glad I can just let be and be thankful for the things that are.
I wasn't actually planning on writing any tonight (you can probably tell) but I hope it makes sense and that its a blessing.
Thursday, 12 May 2016
Ladies Night
We had a ladies night at church on Sunday night and we were all given the opportunity to give marital advice to a friend who will soon be married.
The advice was great.
It's really lovely to hear advice from women who are determined to make their marriages work- not for pride, security, or money- but for the love of God and His glory.
The other thing is that as women we need to encourage each other. My sister spoke about it yesterday- the things we do are not easy. As close as we are to our husbands they will never really understand what it is like to be a woman and all those things that womanhood, motherhood, wifehood entail. We just need to be there for each other, encourage each other, and strengthen each other in the Lord.
Everyone had great advice. It was great because God gave it to them, they use it, and it's helped their marriages. It's real. This kind of thing has to be passed along. I didn't get everything down and I certainly did not do the spirit of the gathering justice. The following are the notes I took with my comments in italic.
- Don't ever stop saying fun, intimate things to each other. Show him you love him with love notes, impromptu gifts. Don't let the excitement of 'I love you' die.
The advice was great.
It's really lovely to hear advice from women who are determined to make their marriages work- not for pride, security, or money- but for the love of God and His glory.
The other thing is that as women we need to encourage each other. My sister spoke about it yesterday- the things we do are not easy. As close as we are to our husbands they will never really understand what it is like to be a woman and all those things that womanhood, motherhood, wifehood entail. We just need to be there for each other, encourage each other, and strengthen each other in the Lord.
Everyone had great advice. It was great because God gave it to them, they use it, and it's helped their marriages. It's real. This kind of thing has to be passed along. I didn't get everything down and I certainly did not do the spirit of the gathering justice. The following are the notes I took with my comments in italic.
I loved her advice because it was all about having fun with each other. It's not just the sweet things but also things you wouldn't want anyone else to hear. Own the intimacy you have with your husband. It's a God given freedom to be celebrated, not quenched. You should have as much fun (if not more) with it the longer you're married.
- Proverbs 13:10- Only by pride cometh contention.
When a fight happens usually one of you- or both- are in pride. If it's you just let it go.
Proverbs 17:14- Leave off contention before it be meddled with
-don't say anything that may turn into a fight. Leave the small issues
-Pick your battles wisely
For example: I'd rather my husband smoked then didn't pay any attention to his son. While smoking kills you, the harm you can do our family is far more insidious.
-Communication. Just communicating your thoughts and desires makes all the difference.
This encompasses everything from your emotions, to physical desires, to every day things.
-Marriage is not just about sweet times. It's a roller coaster.
-God will see you through the hard times. Take everything to God in prayer
-Proverbs 14:1- Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
-Your husband needs encouragement. Know what he likes to hear
-Colossians 3:13- Forbearing on another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
-A good marriage is made up of two good forgivers
-Don't let things build up- bitterness will grow.
-Don't continually bring up things from the past- let them go
Even though things are said and we get hurt we need to choose to put those things away and not speak of them again. (She explained this really well but I can't remember her exact words. I hope I get the gist of it accross at least)
-Keep short accounts with each other and with God
-leave sowing and reaping to God
-Get into proper habits: pray together everyday. You need to hear yourselves pray for each other.
She mentioned that it encourages you to do right
-have the character to keep the good habits going
-Your husband needs to know you love God the most
-Be submitted to God first
-Communicate the right way with the right attitude: correct response, correct thinking, correct perspective, correct tone. How does HE perceive YOUR tone?
-You each have your own relationship with God. You will not have the same convictions. Use those differences in convictions to grow.
This was my advice to her because God has been really challenging me by my husband's and my differences lately (in a good way). Popular culture will tell you (or show you) that 'perfect couples' are completely in sync, think alike, and so on. Recently a friend of mine who has been married for close to thirty years told me that her and her husband do not think alike at all. She can never figure out what he is thinking or how he'll do something. I needed to hear that.
-It's not up to you to change him. Leave that to God.
-Remember that you love him and that your love covers every issue that comes up.
-Take time to appreciate the things about him you particularly love.
The things you love about him- especially the small things can completely change your mood. I actually want to write about all the things I love about my husband so I'll leave that until that post but one thing that brings me immediate comfort is his size. He's so tall and I love it when his strong arms envelope me. A few nights ago I was just grumpy because I was grumpy. My husband gave me a giant and very loving hug and my grumpiness went away.
-Men are not mind readers
-Don't shy away from telling him what you are thinking.
-You both need to share your thoughts
-Know how to talk to each other- you'll avoid lots of arguments this way
This is really great advice because knowing how to talk to your husband makes a huge difference. This takes a lot of control (at least for me). You don't have to bury feelings, wants, needs deep down if you know how to present them rationally to your husband in a way he'll understand and respond to.
-Pride has no place- don't hesitate to be the first to rectify the situation
If you start doing this, he'll start doing this. Choosing not to be angry, choosing to say 'it was me' changes his attitude toward you
-Forgiveness makes a huge difference
-Have family devotions
She mentioned that when a fight happened, doing devotions together was like a band aid
-Give everything to the Lord
-Ephesians 4:26-Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil.
-Proverbs 15:1- A soft answer turneth away wrath: but greivous words stir up anger.
-Have God first in your life for spiritual growth. Your husband will appreciate it
-Don't speak badly about your husband- no complaining about him
-Before you're married choose someone trustworthy that you can go to if you are having a serious problem in your marriage.
Well there you have it. I hope this was encouragement and/or help to you! It certainly has helped me.
Friday, 29 April 2016
My Momma
I realize it's early for a Mother's Day post but I'm working on a lot of mother's day things so I've got it on the brain.
My mother isn't someone I mention a lot on this blog simply because I have a complicated relationship with her. We've never been close but we share a love for Christ and the Bible. She is my mother and I love her. I've learned a lot from her. Whatever history there is between us, there will always be bits and pieces of her in me.
If someone were to ask me the thing I remember most about my mom from childhood I would have to say that it is seeing her on our living room couch with her bible out, listening to one of her favourite preachers.
I don't remember what I thought about it back then. I would wonder why someone would go out of their way to listen to sermons- don't we do that twice on Sunday's and once on Wednesdays? I have to laugh that I do the same thing now as an adult. It's not just me, though, my sister and brother do the same. Granted, I don't sit still and listen to sermons- I put them on while cleaning or knitting or watching my son play outside.
I'm not sure it's 100% my mom's influence but seeing her seek God in this way for years and years obviously did us some good.
I have to clarify though- listening to preaching does not replace personal devotions and study.
I've learned this from experience: you can only take in so much. If you listen to three sermons in a day, each one a completely different topic, you won't grow. If all the sermons you listen to are full of good preaching- you will get bogged down with too many things to work on. You'll learn a lot but you won't be able to do anything about it. I've realized that when God teaches us He focuses on one area we need to grow. Picking sermons to listen to takes as much Holy Spirit discernment as choosing what book of the Bible to study next.
I listen to one sermon a day at most and sometimes not at all. The interesting thing is, the preaching I listen to online usually coincides with my personal devotions and often ties into what my pastor is teaching/preaching about at church. It directly deals with what God is working on in me. Only the Holy Spirit can do that.
I will say that teaching is something you can take in a lot of. I used to work at a place where I could listen to my ipod for eight hours if I wanted to. I was listen to sermons but I began to feel really heavy. The Holy Spirit told me to look for teaching so I found hundreds of seminars on creation and evolution, I found debates (which I had to stop listening to- they made me too aggressive), I did studies on bible versions, I did topical studies, and more. I would still listen to sermons but balancing them with teaching helped keep me from getting bogged down.
In everything there must be a balance:
The other thing about my mom that I recall quite clearly from my childhood is how she would spend sunny Saturdays in the garden.
She just loves flowers and gardens and you know what? I just love them too. Her favourite flowers are roses. Well, mine are roses too- especially the little white ones.
I used to watch her on her knees in the dirt, weeding, clipping, and planting for hours. She would go to plant shows, nurseries, and could talk about plants for hours. I would always wonder at it and think that that would never interest me.
I know the Lord is laughing right now because I'm always outside nowadays, deadheading, clipping, strolling though my garden, checking on growth, wondering what else to grow, propagating and so on.
I think what I love the most about the garden is how much Bible I see in it every day.
I don't think dandelions have ever irritated me as much as they have this year (because I actually have a lawn this year). I'm really not trying to be corny but they always remind me of sin.
They look okay from a distance but up close they're ugly, they stink, they have thick deep roots that make them hard to pull out, then they have these neat seeds that are cool to blow on but then you've got more hideous, hard to get rid of dandelions. Not only that- they grow fast and they don't seem to need fertilizer, water or anything. BAH! Does that not remind of you sin?
I have this hilarious apricot tree in the back yard and a darling pear tree (if you've ever seen a pear tree you know why it's darling). We just noticed that there is a branch of the pear tree growing out of the apricot tree. It's not the exact same but Paul talks about grafting in Romans 11.
I have some flowers just about to bloom- last week we had a few really sunny, hot days followed by two cloudy days. They were about eight inches tall during the sunny days but after a few days of clouds, spitting rain, and cold winds they had more than doubled in height. It's funny because I was at a ladies conference where the speaker mentioned that we need shadowy, cloudy days to grow. The darkness is when we draw closer to God and when we can exercise our faith. No matter the trial, if we pass or fail, as long as we use it for the better and make the right decisions with what we learned, we will grow.
I really could go on but I won't. Suffice it to say, no matter why I love gardening and flowers, it is a good, edifying, pure thing that I associate with my mother.
I am very grateful for my mom. God gave me a mom and allowed me to grow up with her. Not everyone has that. I am the most grateful for her prayers. I know her prayers have carried her children through and though we have wandered, we always come back to our love of the Saviour.
My mother isn't someone I mention a lot on this blog simply because I have a complicated relationship with her. We've never been close but we share a love for Christ and the Bible. She is my mother and I love her. I've learned a lot from her. Whatever history there is between us, there will always be bits and pieces of her in me.
If someone were to ask me the thing I remember most about my mom from childhood I would have to say that it is seeing her on our living room couch with her bible out, listening to one of her favourite preachers.
I don't remember what I thought about it back then. I would wonder why someone would go out of their way to listen to sermons- don't we do that twice on Sunday's and once on Wednesdays? I have to laugh that I do the same thing now as an adult. It's not just me, though, my sister and brother do the same. Granted, I don't sit still and listen to sermons- I put them on while cleaning or knitting or watching my son play outside.
I'm not sure it's 100% my mom's influence but seeing her seek God in this way for years and years obviously did us some good.
I have to clarify though- listening to preaching does not replace personal devotions and study.
I've learned this from experience: you can only take in so much. If you listen to three sermons in a day, each one a completely different topic, you won't grow. If all the sermons you listen to are full of good preaching- you will get bogged down with too many things to work on. You'll learn a lot but you won't be able to do anything about it. I've realized that when God teaches us He focuses on one area we need to grow. Picking sermons to listen to takes as much Holy Spirit discernment as choosing what book of the Bible to study next.
I listen to one sermon a day at most and sometimes not at all. The interesting thing is, the preaching I listen to online usually coincides with my personal devotions and often ties into what my pastor is teaching/preaching about at church. It directly deals with what God is working on in me. Only the Holy Spirit can do that.
I will say that teaching is something you can take in a lot of. I used to work at a place where I could listen to my ipod for eight hours if I wanted to. I was listen to sermons but I began to feel really heavy. The Holy Spirit told me to look for teaching so I found hundreds of seminars on creation and evolution, I found debates (which I had to stop listening to- they made me too aggressive), I did studies on bible versions, I did topical studies, and more. I would still listen to sermons but balancing them with teaching helped keep me from getting bogged down.
In everything there must be a balance:
A false balance is abomination to the
Lord: but a just weight is His delight.
Proverbs 11:1
My pastor talks a lot about head knowledge- it's not a bad thing but if we're not walking close to God, maintaining a good relationship with Him, and seeking to save the lost then all the knowledge we have about the bible doesn't matter.
The other thing about my mom that I recall quite clearly from my childhood is how she would spend sunny Saturdays in the garden.
She just loves flowers and gardens and you know what? I just love them too. Her favourite flowers are roses. Well, mine are roses too- especially the little white ones.
I used to watch her on her knees in the dirt, weeding, clipping, and planting for hours. She would go to plant shows, nurseries, and could talk about plants for hours. I would always wonder at it and think that that would never interest me.
I know the Lord is laughing right now because I'm always outside nowadays, deadheading, clipping, strolling though my garden, checking on growth, wondering what else to grow, propagating and so on.
I think what I love the most about the garden is how much Bible I see in it every day.
I don't think dandelions have ever irritated me as much as they have this year (because I actually have a lawn this year). I'm really not trying to be corny but they always remind me of sin.
They look okay from a distance but up close they're ugly, they stink, they have thick deep roots that make them hard to pull out, then they have these neat seeds that are cool to blow on but then you've got more hideous, hard to get rid of dandelions. Not only that- they grow fast and they don't seem to need fertilizer, water or anything. BAH! Does that not remind of you sin?
I have this hilarious apricot tree in the back yard and a darling pear tree (if you've ever seen a pear tree you know why it's darling). We just noticed that there is a branch of the pear tree growing out of the apricot tree. It's not the exact same but Paul talks about grafting in Romans 11.
I have some flowers just about to bloom- last week we had a few really sunny, hot days followed by two cloudy days. They were about eight inches tall during the sunny days but after a few days of clouds, spitting rain, and cold winds they had more than doubled in height. It's funny because I was at a ladies conference where the speaker mentioned that we need shadowy, cloudy days to grow. The darkness is when we draw closer to God and when we can exercise our faith. No matter the trial, if we pass or fail, as long as we use it for the better and make the right decisions with what we learned, we will grow.
I really could go on but I won't. Suffice it to say, no matter why I love gardening and flowers, it is a good, edifying, pure thing that I associate with my mother.
I am very grateful for my mom. God gave me a mom and allowed me to grow up with her. Not everyone has that. I am the most grateful for her prayers. I know her prayers have carried her children through and though we have wandered, we always come back to our love of the Saviour.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)